9 year old asked how gay people have sex.. How to respond?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have had frank and age appropriate discussions about sex and reproduction. Now this! Help!!

"Up the butt, man!"

Wow - you know nothing about sex. I feel sorry for your husband or wife.

Oh come ON. Does levity and humor always go over your head? Are you fun at parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Knock it off, smug pp who has all the answers. Believe it or not, there are those of use who rich and varied hetero sex lives who have not watched gay porn nor have had intimate conversations with our gay friends about how they like to get off. It's been a mystery to me (is the same one always the "top"? is oral/manual enough? are toys always involved?) and I was OK with that, since it's none of my business. Having to answer a 9-year-old -- yikes!

Do you think that all straight people all have sex exactly the same way?

Do you think that straight porn is an accurate reflection of the way straight people have sex?

If the answer to both of these questions is "no" for straight people, why do you think that the answer would be "yes" for gay people?

Exactly. If you have a rich and varied hetero sex life, then why don't you simply subtract the penis-in-vagina from the equation? You have plenty left over... Right?

And a huge chuckle at the thought that watching gay porn would be in any way helpful! Porn doesn't exactly equal reality.

To answer your questions:

Q: Is the same one always the "top"?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

Q: is oral/manual enough?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

Q: are toys always involved?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

- another lesbian

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Knock it off, smug pp who has all the answers. Believe it or not, there are those of use who rich and varied hetero sex lives who have not watched gay porn nor have had intimate conversations with our gay friends about how they like to get off. It's been a mystery to me (is the same one always the "top"? is oral/manual enough? are toys always involved?) and I was OK with that, since it's none of my business. Having to answer a 9-year-old -- yikes!

Do you think that all straight people all have sex exactly the same way?

Do you think that straight porn is an accurate reflection of the way straight people have sex?

If the answer to both of these questions is "no" for straight people, why do you think that the answer would be "yes" for gay people?

Exactly. If you have a rich and varied hetero sex life, then why don't you simply subtract the penis-in-vagina from the equation? You have plenty left over... Right?

And a huge chuckle at the thought that watching gay porn would be in any way helpful! Porn doesn't exactly equal reality.

To answer your questions:

Q: Is the same one always the "top"?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

Q: is oral/manual enough?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

Q: are toys always involved?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

- another lesbian

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

[Anonymous]

All making-fun-of-the-straights aside, it is true that there is no social script for gay people the same way there is for straight people. If you're a straight woman and you don't like penetration, you're kind of out of luck unless you meet an unusual guy. If you're a straight man and don't like penetrating, ditto...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Knock it off, smug pp who has all the answers. Believe it or not, there are those of use who rich and varied hetero sex lives who have not watched gay porn nor have had intimate conversations with our gay friends about how they like to get off. It's been a mystery to me (is the same one always the "top"? is oral/manual enough? are toys always involved?) and I was OK with that, since it's none of my business. Having to answer a 9-year-old -- yikes!

Do you think that all straight people all have sex exactly the same way?

Do you think that straight porn is an accurate reflection of the way straight people have sex?

If the answer to both of these questions is "no" for straight people, why do you think that the answer would be "yes" for gay people?

Exactly. If you have a rich and varied hetero sex life, then why don't you simply subtract the penis-in-vagina from the equation? You have plenty left over... Right?

And a huge chuckle at the thought that watching gay porn would be in any way helpful! Porn doesn't exactly equal reality.

To answer your questions:

Q: Is the same one always the "top"?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

Q: is oral/manual enough?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

Q: are toys always involved?
A: Depends on the couple and what they like.

- another lesbian

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

Only if the kid is asking those specific detailed questions, in which case you have another issue on your hands.

The OP's answer is "Usually they kiss and touch each other's genitals." If you're feeling brave you can add "with their hands or mouths", but I honestly don't think it's necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

I don't understand. It's the truth. Would it be more helpful to make up an answer that isn't true?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

I don't understand. It's the truth. Would it be more helpful to make up an answer that isn't true?

Well, even if it's true, it's probably a little too vague to be useful -- I'd include the info that it typically involves genitals -- which may seem obvious, but may not be obvious to a kid!

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you tell him about straight sex? Like, specifically what and in what context? If your explanation was along the lines of "Man puts P in V and if it is the right time, sperm from his P fertilizes egg in her V and conceives a child" then your son's question is probably related to how that process works when there is no P or no V involved.

I like the PP's suggestions that you say that people touch each other in lots of different ways and that "sex" is usually considered "touching genitals." You can touch genitals even if you have matching genitals.

As for the straight PP who doesn't understand how women have sex, manual stimulation, oral sex and accessories. Most women climax from stimulation that has little to do with vaginal penetration. Vaginal orgasms are a lot harder to incite than clitoral ones and frankly, no P is needed for the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

I don't understand. It's the truth. Would it be more helpful to make up an answer that isn't true?

+1

It's more helpful than you realize because it introduces the concept of non-procreative sex. That's likely what ops ds is hung up on here. If the kid is asking he's old enough to know that there is more than one way to have sex. He has touched his penis, he knows it feels good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

I don't understand. It's the truth. Would it be more helpful to make up an answer that isn't true?

I think pps want an explanation of the mechanics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what did you tell him about straight sex? Like, specifically what and in what context? If your explanation was along the lines of "Man puts P in V and if it is the right time, sperm from his P fertilizes egg in her V and conceives a child" then your son's question is probably related to how that process works when there is no P or no V involved.

Or "Woman puts V around P", which is equally accurate, but somehow we never phrase it that way.

(Also, there are no eggs in Vs; I'm sure you know that, though!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

I don't understand. It's the truth. Would it be more helpful to make up an answer that isn't true?

I think pps want an explanation of the mechanics.

But does OP's son want an explanation of the mechanics?

Also, the mechanics are "everything that straight people do (or could do), except no PIV".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So there's OP's answer, according to the pp lesbian, "It depends on the couple and what they like," which is not at all helpful.

I don't understand. It's the truth. Would it be more helpful to make up an answer that isn't true?

I think pps want an explanation of the mechanics.

But does OP's son want an explanation of the mechanics?

Also, the mechanics are "everything that straight people do (or could do), except no PIV".

The problem is that for a lot of people, the ONLY information they give kids is "sex = PIV = babies".

See also: teen pregnancy, saddlebacking, etc.

If you talk about gay sex then there's more of a reason to talk about pleasure, relationships, and bonding. That's just something that, sadly, isn't part of the standard sex talk... (I'm assuming that OP isn't just freaking out about ANAL SEX OMG, although s/he might be).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what did you tell him about straight sex? Like, specifically what and in what context? If your explanation was along the lines of "Man puts P in V and if it is the right time, sperm from his P fertilizes egg in her V and conceives a child" then your son's question is probably related to how that process works when there is no P or no V involved.

Or "Woman puts V around P", which is equally accurate, but somehow we never phrase it that way.

(Also, there are no eggs in Vs; I'm sure you know that, though!)

Yes, I know that the eggs don't go in the V. But you also don't put the P in the U, so...

[Anonymous]

"How do gay people have sex?"

Minimum disclosure: "The same way as anyone else: They kiss, hug, touch and become intimate."

Maximum disclosure: "Gay people fondle each other's genitals and may engage in oral sex." Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., coauthor of Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character, cautions: "Don't explain anal sex at this age unless they ask you pointblank. Then I would be matter-of-fact and say, 'Some men have a form of intercourse, except that instead of inserting the penis in the vagina, they insert it in the anus.'"