i wish my boyfriend was more motivated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^She didnt bitch to anyone, these were observances that I and my siblings have made. Sorry, my mother was NOT a socialite and if she wanted to be one she certainly could have picked from a coterie of men better than my father. She genuinely married for love, not money, and I suppose that was her mistake. She should have found someone who was more fiscally responsible, both for her, himself, and his children. Her first priority was always her children, which was why she didnt go back to work. No matter what kind of spin you want to put on things, I know the truth. From seeing it with my own eyes.

Why do you hate your father so much? You have extreme daddy issues, making you a prime candidate for an easy, effortless pumping and dumping.

LOL! Good luck with that dude. My boyfriend would find that hilarious. It took him a while to get into my pants.

How many days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

If he's 26, he may just be finding his place after working to earn 2 degrees. He may not be in a rush at 26. I was still sort of finding myself at that age. That being said, he may never be super ambitious and money-oriented. There are all kinds of people.

If you're the kind of person that does value that, and expects a DH to have the same values, maybe you aren't a match. You need to think about this long and hard, talk to him, etc., before you get married and have kids. Ask yourself if you would be okay with him never being an ambitious, high-earner. It sounds like you already know that answer.

Career progress builds on precious experience. This dude has history degree, and is doing middle work as private investigations. Honestly his peers at think tanks making less money are probably angling for better opportunities than he will have.

He is not going into finance; you do that right out of school and from an Ivy.

Mostly people don't change, so it sounds like you are on different pages

[Anonymous]

OP, you stated initially that your boyfriend had two "fancy" degrees.

Well you couldn't be more wrong.

I am sorry to burst your bubble on this, but a Middle Eastern History degree of any type of History degree is not considered "fancy" at all.

It is like having a Humanities or Museum Studies or Art History degree. How can that be categorized as "fancy??"

By fancy, I thought you were referring to someone who had an engineering or marketing degree.

His is most definitely not fancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you stated initially that your boyfriend had two "fancy" degrees.

Well you couldn't be more wrong.

I am sorry to burst your bubble on this, but a Middle Eastern History degree of any type of History degree is not considered "fancy" at all.

It is like having a Humanities or Museum Studies or Art History degree. How can that be categorized as "fancy??"

By fancy, I thought you were referring to someone who had an engineering or marketing degree.

His is most definitely not fancy.

Marketing is fancy?

LOL

[Anonymous]

Fifteen years ago, I was in your shoes. I married him anyway and have greatly lived to regret it. If he's not motivated now, he'll never be. You obviously want different things and have different goals. Make the choice now to move on. It will be much easier than after you've had kids.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with knowing what you want. If you want to SAH and have a certain, UMC lifestyle, he's not the guy for you. Throw him back. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you stated initially that your boyfriend had two "fancy" degrees.

Well you couldn't be more wrong.

I am sorry to burst your bubble on this, but a Middle Eastern History degree of any type of History degree is not considered "fancy" at all.

It is like having a Humanities or Museum Studies or Art History degree. How can that be categorized as "fancy??"

By fancy, I thought you were referring to someone who had an engineering or marketing degree.

His is most definitely not fancy.

Maybe, by using the term "fancy," she was referring to where he went to school? I'm assuming an expensive, first tier SLAC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you stated initially that your boyfriend had two "fancy" degrees.

Well you couldn't be more wrong.

I am sorry to burst your bubble on this, but a Middle Eastern History degree of any type of History degree is not considered "fancy" at all.

It is like having a Humanities or Museum Studies or Art History degree. How can that be categorized as "fancy??"

By fancy, I thought you were referring to someone who had an engineering or marketing degree.

His is most definitely not fancy.

You're so obnoxious. By "fancy" I meant history degrees from two very prestigious institutions.

BTW, Engineering and marketing degrees aren't "fancy"

[Anonymous]

History degrees...good luck.

Dude is going to be a HS history teacher.

[Anonymous]

Also in your shoes 15 years ago. Dude flat out told me he wasn't into work. Thought he wasn't serious. Oh yes, I really did think that. Told myself his lack of ambition didn't matter because I wasn't invested in becoming a SAHM and i was being liberal supporting him while he "finished his degree". Oh god. Yes I really did not see it. I thought he couldn't really mean it when he said he had no goals...then I told myself I wasn't going to depend on any man for money and I was doing the virtuous thing by not marrying for money. The longer I stayed the harder it was to get out. Then I stupidly married the guy and six months afterwards I was filing for divorce because reality struck. Thinking and planning for marriage are completely different than actually being married. Duh.

Marrying for love is great but I urge you to think carefully and realistically about the kind of life and " infrastructure " you will be able to create with this man.

This decision requires as much logic and planning as a career, mortgage, retirement, etc. You dont just say "well, I'll get x professional or masters degree even though I know it won't lead to the kind of life I want. Or Ill buy that house in spite of the fact its in a shitty school district because the school district will change or good schools are just not that important to me.

He's not going to change. Accept that and accept that you want to be with someone who can financially support the lifestyle you want. I'll be so crushed for my son if he marries a woman who secretly wishes he were different. Please don't do that to yourself, this man or your unborn children.

[Anonymous]

One more thing....my grandparents were married for 45 years until my grandfather died. My grandmother thought he wasn't ambitious enough and made that known to him in many many ways. They fought bitterly every day, he became severely alcoholic, she spent money like it was water. All of their children have issues because of it.

If not for yourself, do it for your unborn kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you stated initially that your boyfriend had two "fancy" degrees.

Well you couldn't be more wrong.

I am sorry to burst your bubble on this, but a Middle Eastern History degree of any type of History degree is not considered "fancy" at all.

It is like having a Humanities or Museum Studies or Art History degree. How can that be categorized as "fancy??"

By fancy, I thought you were referring to someone who had an engineering or marketing degree.

His is most definitely not fancy.

You're so obnoxious. By "fancy" I meant history degrees from two very prestigious institutions.

BTW, Engineering and marketing degrees aren't "fancy"

LOL, two history degrees and you are surprised he's not going into finance or something lucrative? He's a scholar, not a breadwinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:History degrees...good luck.

Dude is going to be a HS history teacher.

Which will get destroyed in 10-15 years as moocs get ever more widespread and dynamic all the while public budgets get killed as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

This thread is a great example of why men are "intimidated" by ambitious, professional women. They know that she will never be satisfied.

Marriages where the wife is more ambitious than the husband usually don't work. Women like this are eternally frustrated by their "underachieving" husbands.

Do this guy (and you) a favor and set him free to be with someone who will accept him for what he is. Then, you will be free to marry Young Richard Brandon or Young Jack Welch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think PP's mother wins the "turning children against the father" award in the post divorce category

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