i wish my boyfriend was more motivated

[Anonymous]

Has no kids
Claims motherhood is tough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

I don't plan to be "just" a mommy. This in itself is severely insulting to mothers anywhere. Motherhood takes a lot of work!

I do want to not be nursing a new born and trying to meet deadlines at work. Ideally, I'd like to take 3-4 years off to focus on kids and go back to work.

Ideally, you are a gold digger. Get off of your ass and make your own money to fund your dreams. There's a shocker.

[Anonymous]

Even if he is ambitious, it isn't guaranteed that he can land a great job and/or stay on that track if he does.

I have a sibling who is the most ambitious and smartest out of all of our family and he doesn't make nearly as much as the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

This guy isn't going to fund a SAHM lifestyle. That's the reality of it. Decide which you want more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

I don't plan to be "just" a mommy. This in itself is severely insulting to mothers anywhere. Motherhood takes a lot of work!

I do want to not be nursing a new born and trying to meet deadlines at work. Ideally, I'd like to take 3-4 years off to focus on kids and go back to work.

Then figure out how to save money so you can work half-time or buy a great house in the city with a rental unit that can supplement your income while you work part-time. This is what we were able to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

I don't plan to be "just" a mommy. This in itself is severely insulting to mothers anywhere. Motherhood takes a lot of work!

I do want to not be nursing a new born and trying to meet deadlines at work. Ideally, I'd like to take 3-4 years off to focus on kids and go back to work.

Then figure out how to save money so you can work half-time or buy a great house in the city with a rental unit that can supplement your income while you work part-time. This is what we were able to do.

hm thats a really great idea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing wrong with planning to be a SAHM (as long as you're doing it because you want to be a homemaker, not because of more selfish reasons!), however it is important to communicate these plans to your boyfriend and if you think he's not ready for them, dump him and move on.

Also I'm 99.999% sure you're a troll but I'm humoring you anyway.

OP here.

Well, yes. Early in our courtship we talked about how we have similar goals; having a family. He is the one who always talks about how he wants to provide for his wife and make enough money so his wife has the option to stay home with the children if she likes. It's a wonderful thought but without the professional drive to back it up, it isn't gonna get us the life we want.

[Anonymous]

This guy is not going to make you happy. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



There's nothing wrong with planning to be a SAHM (as long as you're doing it because you want to be a homemaker, not because of more selfish reasons!), however it is important to communicate these plans to your boyfriend and if you think he's not ready for them, dump him and move on.

Also I'm 99.999% sure you're a troll but I'm humoring you anyway.

Well a SAHM does not need a college degree. What a waste.

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to SAH if you're ambitious? Let boyfriend SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

I don't plan to be "just" a mommy. This in itself is severely insulting to mothers anywhere. Motherhood takes a lot of work!

I do want to not be nursing a new born and trying to meet deadlines at work. Ideally, I'd like to take 3-4 years off to focus on kids and go back to work.

bahahahahahaha

Livin' in a dream world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing wrong with planning to be a SAHM (as long as you're doing it because you want to be a homemaker, not because of more selfish reasons!), however it is important to communicate these plans to your boyfriend and if you think he's not ready for them, dump him and move on.

Also I'm 99.999% sure you're a troll but I'm humoring you anyway.

OP here.

Well, yes. Early in our courtship we talked about how we have similar goals; having a family. He is the one who always talks about how he wants to provide for his wife and make enough money so his wife has the option to stay home with the children if she likes. It's a wonderful thought but without the professional drive to back it up, it isn't gonna get us the life we want.

No shit Sherlock.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

I don't plan to be "just" a mommy. This in itself is severely insulting to mothers anywhere. Motherhood takes a lot of work!

I do want to not be nursing a new born and trying to meet deadlines at work. Ideally, I'd like to take 3-4 years off to focus on kids and go back to work.

Whatever, toots.

[Anonymous]

OP,

DCUM is highly allergic to women planning to stay home, even though a lot of them do it anyway, and plan for it.
Somehow they view it as an affront to their feminism, and unfair to the man.

My advice in all relationship issues is always to be clear and above-board. Your boyfriend needs to know exactly what your dreams are. You need to know his (if he has any, most men that age just life for tomorrow).

BTW, my husband has always been UNambitious, despite a high IQ and fancy degrees. However he has always supported by decision to stay home and financially we have made it work.