i wish my boyfriend was more motivated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

You sound like an angry male or a fossilized and bitter feminist.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry him. You will regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

You sound like an angry male or a fossilized and bitter feminist.

Even if I were either, it doesn't change the truth. It's the epitome of hypocrisy to demand career ambition from him when the extent of hers is to play house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry him. He will regret it.

There. Fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Seriously, why do you idiots ignore troll warnings? Sometimes I think DCUM thrives on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm going to tell you something you may not want to hear. If this is who your boyfriend is now, it's very unlikely get better. My advice is that you be honest with yourself about how important this is to you. If you need to be in a relationship with someone who is ambitious and a good provider, then you may want to get out of this relationship now. He is who he is. Don't commit long-term in the hope that he'll change. He probably won't.

x2. Good luck OP. Better to move on now than in 15 years when you have kids with him and are kind of trapped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i am a 27 year old female dating a 26 year old guy for over a year now. although i love him dearly and he has been a wonderful, kind and generous boyfriend, i find myself increasingly disheartened by his lack of career focus and direction. its not that he is a slacker, per se, he was a brilliant student and has completed 2 fancy degrees. he just doesn't seem to try harder to get a job and build a well paying career. we are talking about the future now and i'm worried that his lack of direction and drive professionally will negatively affect our goals (getting married, affording children etc). furthermore, i really want to be able to stay home with my children for a few years and i need him to be on the path to a well paying career so we can afford to do that.

any ideas on how to deal with this? am i being too superficial?

Why do you demand career ambition from him when you, yourself, plan to be just a mommy?

You sound like an angry male or a fossilized and bitter feminist.

Even if I were either, it doesn't change the truth. It's the epitome of hypocrisy to demand career ambition from him when the extent of hers is to play house.

LOL. Plenty of men prefer to have their wives stay home. GET OVER IT.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP, there seems to be a particularly nasty troll on this board that has become obsessed with this thread because he seems to have a problem with SAHMs. Please disregard and listen to some of the good advice you have gotten on this thread. Your question is a totally valid one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This guy is not going to make you happy. Move on.

This.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe this is a troll because I have a friend complaining about the exact same thing. Your boyfriend is who he is, and probably isn't going to change for the long term. If these are really critical points, do both of you a favor and end things now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's nothing wrong with planning to be a SAHM (as long as you're doing it because you want to be a homemaker, not because of more selfish reasons!), however it is important to communicate these plans to your boyfriend and if you think he's not ready for them, dump him and move on.

Also I'm 99.999% sure you're a troll but I'm humoring you anyway.

OP here.

Well, yes. Early in our courtship we talked about how we have similar goals; having a family. He is the one who always talks about how he wants to provide for his wife and make enough money so his wife has the option to stay home with the children if she likes. It's a wonderful thought but without the professional drive to back it up, it isn't gonna get us the life we want.

He said that to get into your pants, bimbo!

[Anonymous]

OP, your boyfriend is right, he isplanning for his wife to stay home with the kids. Only problem, you're not the wife he's planning for. He can say whatever he wants, but actions are what really matters. Finally, get off of the "staying home for a few years" kick. Once you're home, you'll stay there. Older kids need a mom as much as a newborn, they just need their mom to do different things

[Anonymous]

Run, I married a man like this and it has been a disaster financially. He jumps jobs often. He is highly educated but it hasn't translated financially.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be a SAHM and have a certain lifestyle envisioned for yourself, marrying for love is not your end game.

This, honey. You need to adjust your picker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you want to be a SAHM and have a certain lifestyle envisioned for yourself, marrying for love is not your end game.

This, honey. You need to adjust your picker.

Please answer what HHI you are hoping for, that will help us more than a general "I want to stay home."