DD's teacher won't call her by her nickname

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a teacher, but not a classroom teacher. Some of the kindergarten teachers at my school insist on calling students by their formal names, even though the students don't go by their formal names. Their reasoning is that the students need to know their first names and be able to spell it, read it, etc.

Let me say first that I don't agree with this and have had many conversations with them but they won't budge on their thinking. These are the teachers who should be thinking about retirement soon IMO (not just for that reason of course--but it's one example of how rigid thinking can inhibit relationship building with students).

It is more of a cultural thing with most of my students. In some cultures people have a first name, but actually go by their middle name. The kids are too shy (or don't speak enough English) to correct the teachers. Sometimes we don't know the name kids go by until a family member comes to pick them up and asks for "Samantha" and we know her as "Diana".

I do see a need to draw the line somewhere though. We had a student who would not respond to anything but "Godzilla King Kong" and another who would only say his name was "Giraffe." So there's that.

OP- maybe your child's teacher has the same views as some of the teachers at my school. Maybe tell the teacher that you plan to work with your daughter at home to make sure she can read and write her given name, but you don't plan to call her anything but Bella and you'd appreciate if she did too. Good luck!

So as a non classroom teacher you have no clue how hard it is to establish order in the room? You have to shut down the nicknames early on.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm not talking about nicknames like "Makidoodle" or "Godzilla King Kong". I'm talking about being culturally sensitive, in my case. Or, in cases like OP's--there is a legitimate "nickname" for her child's official name. My sister's name is Katherine, but she went by Katie all her life. My parents taught her that Katherine is her name for official purposes and she knew how to read it and write it, but there were no issues with teachers calling her Katie.

In the situation at my school there are 15 students in each Kindergarten class. It's not that difficult to establish order in the room. Calling a child Bella instead of Isabella is not going to cause disorder of any kind. I have way more students than 15 on my caseload and calling students by their preferred name does not cause disorder in the classroom.

There are ways to establish order in the classroom that don't mess with a child's identity. In the OP's case, it may just be a case of forgetfulness or absent-mindedness, but in the situation at my school it is teachers deliberately and stubbornly refusing to call students by their known first name, "official" or not, which is a blatant refusal to get past their own idea of what someone should be called.

One of my student's first school experiences was walking into open house and being told to find their cubby and upon finding the cubby with the child's official first name, the parent informed the teacher that the student's official first name is a cultural name but they actually are called a different name. The teacher outright refused to call the child anything other than the official name and also refused to change the name on the cubby, even when the parent offered to do so for her. What a lovely first experience at school for the child and the parent. It's not a hill I would die on, but I guess it is for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

One of my student's first school experiences was walking into open house and being told to find their cubby and upon finding the cubby with the child's official first name, the parent informed the teacher that the student's official first name is a cultural name but they actually are called a different name. The teacher outright refused to call the child anything other than the official name and also refused to change the name on the cubby, even when the parent offered to do so for her. What a lovely first experience at school for the child and the parent. It's not a hill I would die on, but I guess it is for others.

That is a sad story, PP. And yes, worse things happen in the world -- but it's still a sad story. People who do something like that should not be teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of my student's first school experiences was walking into open house and being told to find their cubby and upon finding the cubby with the child's official first name, the parent informed the teacher that the student's official first name is a cultural name but they actually are called a different name. The teacher outright refused to call the child anything other than the official name and also refused to change the name on the cubby, even when the parent offered to do so for her. What a lovely first experience at school for the child and the parent. It's not a hill I would die on, but I guess it is for others.

That is a sad story, PP. And yes, worse things happen in the world -- but it's still a sad story. People who do something like that should not be teaching.

I think it's a really good lesson for parents. If you don't like your child's name don't name them that. If you like Bella don't name your child isabella. I think it's awesome and I'm glad teachers call parents out on their shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of my student's first school experiences was walking into open house and being told to find their cubby and upon finding the cubby with the child's official first name, the parent informed the teacher that the student's official first name is a cultural name but they actually are called a different name. The teacher outright refused to call the child anything other than the official name and also refused to change the name on the cubby, even when the parent offered to do so for her. What a lovely first experience at school for the child and the parent. It's not a hill I would die on, but I guess it is for others.

That is a sad story, PP. And yes, worse things happen in the world -- but it's still a sad story. People who do something like that should not be teaching.

I think it's a really good lesson for parents. If you don't like your child's name don't name them that. If you like Bella don't name your child isabella. I think it's awesome and I'm glad teachers call parents out on their shit.

Yup. It's a good lesson for parents that teachers can be jerks.

Seriously, what part of this do you think is ok?

Teacher: "Isabella?"
Child: "Could you please call me Bella? That's the nickname I go by."
Teacher: "No."

Would you treat an adult like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of my student's first school experiences was walking into open house and being told to find their cubby and upon finding the cubby with the child's official first name, the parent informed the teacher that the student's official first name is a cultural name but they actually are called a different name. The teacher outright refused to call the child anything other than the official name and also refused to change the name on the cubby, even when the parent offered to do so for her. What a lovely first experience at school for the child and the parent. It's not a hill I would die on, but I guess it is for others.

That is a sad story, PP. And yes, worse things happen in the world -- but it's still a sad story. People who do something like that should not be teaching.

I think it's a really good lesson for parents. If you don't like your child's name don't name them that. If you like Bella don't name your child isabella. I think it's awesome and I'm glad teachers call parents out on their shit.

Yup. It's a good lesson for parents that teachers can be jerks.

Seriously, what part of this do you think is ok?

Teacher: "Isabella?"
Child: "Could you please call me Bella? That's the nickname I go by."
Teacher: "No."

Would you treat an adult like this?

Isabella life is not all about YOU. Your legal name is Isabella so that is what the teacher will call you. She and her mother need to stop playing victim and face reality. You don't always get everything you want in life. I think it's a great lesson. The mother needs to own her shit meaning " she named her isabella" which in this case was a mistake , own it and move on or legally change it. Don't teach your child it's ok to be a spoiled brat victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Isabella life is not all about YOU. Your legal name is Isabella so that is what the teacher will call you. She and her mother need to stop playing victim and face reality. You don't always get everything you want in life. I think it's a great lesson. The mother needs to own her shit meaning " she named her isabella" which in this case was a mistake , own it and move on or legally change it. Don't teach your child it's ok to be a spoiled brat victim.

Since you brought up spoiled brats -- who is acting like a spoiled brat who wants to get everything they want?

1. The parent/child, who want the teacher to treat the child with the usual courtesy of calling people what they want to be called.
2. The teacher, who insists on calling the child what the teacher wants to call the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least she doesn't call her "mi hija" which my dd's old teacher did. Never her name, just "mi hija". She also used to tell my husband that she dd her favorite and considered her "my daughter" when we weren't there.

That, I found creepy.

"Mi hija" is a term of endearment in Spanish, said to kids by a woman who knows them well, similar to "honey", "sweetie", "buddy". I can see how you might think it's creepy, but really it's not. You know how some much older men call younger men "son" in English? They don't think of that person as their son, but they just say that, and it's accepted, it's kind of like that.

[Anonymous]

It's only the first week of school. With so many kids, the teacher prob. forgot. Tell your DD to say "please call me Bella" the next several times her teacher says Isabella. But you shold know that there will always be people that will call her Isabella, it's nothing to get upset about, you should teach your DD to accept being called both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's the teachers preference her name is Isabella

Why on earth would it be a teacher's preference to decide what the name of one of his/her students is? Is a teacher also allowed to decide, "You don't really strike me as a Cheryl. I'm going to call you Carla instead since I prefer it for you"?

I'm a multi-PP. This is precisely the point though- the child is listed as Isabella on her roster. The teacher is not deciding her name. What if the child preferred Isabella and the teacher decided to call her Bella? It doesn't work both ways. If she's listed as Isabella, the teacher can call her Isabella.

Huh? Sure, it should work both ways. If the child preferred Isabella, the teacher shouldn't call her Bella. If my name is is Elizabeth and I don'[t like Lizzy, then I'd tell my teacher "it's Elizabeth." Or would you just cringe through the day allowing your teacher or boss to call you a name you dislike?

[Anonymous]

I have a question for OP.
Is Bella bothered by the incorrect name as well, or is it more you? Could Bella be feeding off of your feelings?
Should the teacher respect your wishes in terms of a name? Yes. But if it isn't truly bothering Bella -- and actually bothering you -- let it go.

Kids change nicknames all the time. Maybe that's why the teacher doesn't want to use nicknames and start the habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

One of my student's first school experiences was walking into open house and being told to find their cubby and upon finding the cubby with the child's official first name, the parent informed the teacher that the student's official first name is a cultural name but they actually are called a different name. The teacher outright refused to call the child anything other than the official name and also refused to change the name on the cubby, even when the parent offered to do so for her. What a lovely first experience at school for the child and the parent. It's not a hill I would die on, but I guess it is for others.

That is a sad story, PP. And yes, worse things happen in the world -- but it's still a sad story. People who do something like that should not be teaching.

I think it's a really good lesson for parents. If you don't like your child's name don't name them that. If you like Bella don't name your child isabella. I think it's awesome and I'm glad teachers call parents out on their shit.

Yup. It's a good lesson for parents that teachers can be jerks.

Seriously, what part of this do you think is ok?

Teacher: "Isabella?"
Child: "Could you please call me Bella? That's the nickname I go by."
Teacher: "No."

Would you treat an adult like this?

Isabella life is not all about YOU. Your legal name is Isabella so that is what the teacher will call you. She and her mother need to stop playing victim and face reality. You don't always get everything you want in life. I think it's a great lesson. The mother needs to own her shit meaning " she named her isabella" which in this case was a mistake , own it and move on or legally change it. Don't teach your child it's ok to be a spoiled brat victim.

HA! I really want to observe this PP in real life:

Coworker 1: Hi, PP, I'd like you to meet our newest hire, Elizabeth!
PP: Nice to meet you, Elizabeth.
Coworker 2: You too -- and please, call me Beth.
PP: FUCK YOU. Your legal name is Elizabeth, so that is what I will call you. You need to stop playing victim and face reality! Own your name or legally change it, you spoiled brat victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your opinions everybody.

Bella is named after her great-grandmother Isabella who died literally while I was in labor. Literally nobody else calls her Isabella.

On her school form under first name I wrote (isa)Bella and then under nickname I wrote Bella. On the first day of school she wore a shirt that has a little pocket with a "B" on it.

I will talk to the teacher in person. If things don't change I will speak with the assistant principal, who Bella told me is very nice and waves or chats with her each day.

I am trying to be snarky but you should consider changing her name legally if this bother you so much

Agreed 100%. You obviously want your child's name to be Bella, which is fine.But then you should take steps necessary to have her name BE Bella instead of assuming everyone will call her Bella from this point on.

[Anonymous]

My friends who are in MoCo had a similar issue. Their son's first name is a family name that is never used. He has ALWAYS been called by his middle name, but everyone he knows. He didn't even know his first name until pre-k.

In kindergarten the teacher insisted on calling him by his first name, and told my friends that the policy in MoCoPS is to use the name on the birth certificate, period. The parents finally went to the principal to get the issue resolved, but she confirmed that yes, in MoCo, at least, the child is to be called what is on the birth certificate (unless the parents make enough of a fuss, apparently).

My question is, what circumstances compelled the school systems to come up with this rule? My guess is parents fighting over custody with different name preferences ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends who are in MoCo had a similar issue. Their son's first name is a family name that is never used. He has ALWAYS been called by his middle name, but everyone he knows. He didn't even know his first name until pre-k.

In kindergarten the teacher insisted on calling him by his first name, and told my friends that the policy in MoCoPS is to use the name on the birth certificate, period. The parents finally went to the principal to get the issue resolved, but she confirmed that yes, in MoCo, at least, the child is to be called what is on the birth certificate (unless the parents make enough of a fuss, apparently).

My question is, what circumstances compelled the school systems to come up with this rule? My guess is parents fighting over custody with different name preferences ...

Here are all of the MCPS policies related to students:

http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/policy/section.aspx?sectionID=10

A search on names gives results for the policy on naming schools.

And my children's teachers have called their classmates with nicknames by the nicknames.

tl;dr: either your friends misunderstood, or the principal made it up.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I'd have all the sympathy in the world if the situation were reversed. Meaning that the teacher insisted on calling her "Bella" instead of her legal name, Isabella. I think that shortening someone's name because you're too lazy to use the whole given name is different. Turning Christopher into Chris, William into Billy, etc when that is not what the person wants is wrong. But using someone's legal given name? I really don't see the problem. If you're so hard over on being called Bella (or Chris or Billy), than that should be your legal name.

Also, nobody really cares if your grandmother literally died while you were in labor--that isn't relevant to the fact that you should have just named her what you insist she be called.

Hello, my name is Red, but my friends call me Blue.