DD's teacher won't call her by her nickname

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and I make every effort to remember to call a child (or anyone!) by their preferred name.

It may drive the point home if you call, say, Ms Jones "Ms J." All. The. Time. She will get the point.

[Anonymous]

I would try to talk to the teacher directly. You can see if it's just an honest mistake because she memorized Isabella and is having trouble making the switch, or if she has some rule about only using full names, or if there are 3 Bella's in the class or some other issue. I imagine it's the former, and hopefully if your daughter keeps politely reminding her, it will stick in her head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is insane. You have the right to choose what your child is called, period. Try one more time with the teacher. Then go to the director.

The teacher isn't calling her "fartface", but by her legal name, probably how she memorized her students over the summer. There are other students and much bigger priorities that the teacher needs to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bella is a fat girl name. Thank the teacher.

You know what? I'm actually going to start bookmarking posts like this. I can't (wel, would prefer not to) believe that there are tons of posterswho just respons with som seriously nasty one liner. It's got to be one person trying to stir up sh!t. Maybe if I get enough Jeff can check the IP address and call the person out (or tell me that there really are that many awful people on these boards...)

to OP - I have no idea Have you asked the teacher WHY she insists on calling you're daughter by her "proper" name rather than the one you both prefer? Maybe it's some sort of school standard?

Second PP, I think you're right. I think it's just one a-hole trying to stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

I'm a teacher and I think it's ridiculous and disrespectful that another teacher would refuse to call a child by his/her legitimate nickname. I think you should approach the teacher in a non-adversarial way and find out what is going on. It may be that s/he is still learning names and will get it right soon. However, best to get it straightened out now before the teacher gets too accustomed to the full name.

FWIW, this is one of those conversations I'd have in person so your tone and the teachers response don't get misinterpreted. Although I did once get a cute friendly email from a parent whose DD's name I had been mispronouncing...Hannah, but pronounced like the Road to Hana, rhymes with iguana, nirvana...I never mispronounced her name again.

[Anonymous]

I think it's reasonable to expect the teacher to call her by the preferred nickname. I mean, the school has forms with a spot that ASKS what the child's preferred name is, so why would staff refuse to use that name?

[Anonymous]

It's her name, OP. I think you should get over it. If you want to fight that battle, legally change her name to Bella and then I might understand why you care.

[Anonymous]

Agree to bring it up with the teacher in person. I come from a family that gives family names but uses nicknames, so completely identify with where you're coming, and would in fact consider this a hill worth fighting for.

I might also suggest seeing if you can just use the nickname on forms with the school going forward and skip over the legal name issue all together.

[Anonymous]

I DIDN'T NAME MY CHILD ISABELLA FOR PEOPLE TO CALL HER THAT!!!!


Lol - seriously?

[Anonymous]

OP, why won't she use Bella? If you haven't asked her, you really should. Isn't that the most logical place to start? Just ask her nicely and directly. If you're sending an email, tell the teacher you just want to touch base about your daughter's preferred nickname. Tell her your daughter is asking why the teacher won't call her by her name, but you don't know how to answer. Explain that while she obviously knows her full name is Isabella, nobody knows her as that, and it's frustrating for your daughter to hear her teacher call her the incorrect name. Then ask the teacher "could you explain your reasoning?" Then go from there. If her reason for calling your daughter Isabella is anything other than "firm school policy, all students shall be called by their formal names (unlikely), then go to the principal.

If i were you, I'd hate to make a big stink over this, BUT I'd do it anyway. It's such an odd thing for the teacher to be so stubborn with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. You named your child Isabella - why is it so "disrespectful" for someone to call your child by that given name? If you didn't want her called that then...well, you shouldn't have named her that.
Look at it as a learning opportunity. As your child gets older she will no doubt come into contact with many others who aren't intimately familiar with her that will see her name on a spreadsheet and call her by her given name. As opposed to setting her up for confrontation after confrontation in demanding others accommodate her and call her X why not ease her into the practice of tolerance and get her to embrace her given name.

Finally a voice of reason. Why you would want to die on this hill I cannot imagine. And i say this as a 48 year old woman with a common name with an uncommon spelling. I get email replies addressed to "Lynn" but my signature was clearly spelled "Linn". I could not care less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So even though child's name is, in fact, Isabella the parent prefers she be called

"Bella"
And for some reason since the teacher calls the child her actual name instead of

"Bella"
This is somehow some sort of insult?

Riiiight...

I love it!

Why not just name her Bella from the start?

[Anonymous]

I have an unusual but not "weird" first name and went by a nickname until I started college. Everyone who knew me before I was 18 calls me that; everyone who met me as an adult uses my full name. I sincerely love the distinction - I feel a special closeness with those who know me by my childhood name, and hearing it always takes me back.

But that's a tangent. OP don't listen to the naysayers, your daughter has every right to be addressed by whatever name she prefers. However, as a teacher, do remember that school has just started and the teacher has a LOT of new things and names and people and goals and needs and allergies to keep track of. Approach her politely, in person, and ask if a name tag would help/be appropriate for a week or two. Don't assume she "refuses" to use Bella, assume she memorized her roster list before meeting the kids and is still working from that as she gets to know them.

[Anonymous]

To your child:

"Bella, I know you prefer to be called Bella, but Isabella is your given name, and it is beautiful and lovely. For the rest of your life, it will be on your official documents and school records, so you will meet a lot of people who will call you Isabella at first or forever. I know it's hard right now because you're not used to "Isabella", but it's okay -- you are Bella and Isabella, too, and you'll get used to it."

To her teacher, via email:

"Dear Ms. Crabapple,

Thank you so much for all of the work you have done to get Bella's year off to a great start. I enjoyed meeting you at open house and look forward to all Bella will learn in your class this year.

I am sure you are inundated with work and requests at this time of year, and I just wanted to check in via email to see if you had received the note that we sent in about Bella's name. We are trying to teach her to be adaptable and understanding about sometimes being called Isabella, which we know will happen at school sometimes because it is her legal name. People who do not know her well will occasionally call her Isabella, but people with whom she has a close and warm relationship have always called her Bella. We hope she will have a warm relationship with you, and we would appreciate it if you would try to remember to call her Bella. Would that be possible, or is there a reason you would rather not call her Bella that we can explain to her at home?

We'd appreciate a reply when you have a chance. Thank you!

Best regards,
Phyllis (call me Mildred)

[Anonymous]

Haha, I'm thinking of my poor ol' (smart, I mean he has a PhD in a very technical field) dad who has some sort of weird language quirk such that once he gets a name stuck in his head, that is IT.

Poor Ol' Dad heard my friend Thuy (pronounced TWEE) say her name as "TWEED" and ever since--we're talking almost 25 years, here--that's what he's called her.

And he's not even unfamiliar with non-English, non-Anglo names. And he's not hostile towards Tweed, he LOVES TWEED! She's one of his favorite daughter-friends!

But he's stuck in his ways... Brain fart. Except it's a neverending brain fart.

(Maybe your child's teacher is like this, too!)