Teenage daughter being teased at summer job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, the summer is almost over. If I were you I would not encourage my daughter to lawyer up, as they say, but turn the other cheek. They're only doing it to get a rise out of her. Then I would speak to the pool manager at the end of the year (particularly if you are a member), with or without daughter, and constructively suggest some things they can do next summer to minimize this sort of behavior. Such as having written rules for lifeguard language and conduct backed by threat of firing, and a clear means for kids to complain when the rules are violated.

I disagree very strongly with regard to ignoring this and waiting. I would practice a good response from your daughter, something along the lines of: "NO. That is NOT okay. That is NOT okay where I work and NOT okay in general." And she should say it with her friggin' coldest, calmest, you've got 1 minute to apologize before I unleash the hounds of hell on you look. Bullying and harassing behavior will continue if people think they can get away with it. Quiet, meek responses yield more bullying and harassing.

I would put on my calmest, most mature pair of woman pants, maybe channeling someone like... oh, maybe Sotomayor? RBG? Hillary Clinton? I don't know, think of someone rad and fierce. And imagining "What would _____ say/do?" I'd report what happened to the supervisor or whoever up the chain seems to be responsible and mature. Not tattling. Reporting. As in something like: "John, I have something oh, somewhat serious I'd like to talk with you about. Do you have a minute? I'd like to speak with you in private, though. Is break time 1:30 okay?"

Then:

"I want to tell you something about something going on at work and what I'm sure you'll agree is unprofessional, immature behavior that is unbecoming of lifeguards employed by this pool. I think I responded to it and may have shut it down, but time will tell, and it's serious enough that I think I should tell someone else. As you know, obviously, we work at a pool. Everyone's in a bathing suit, patrons who are moms, teens, kids, lifeguards including you and me. Making comments about someone's body in a bathing suit is definitely not okay, especially if those comments are within earshot of the person they're talking about. And if a lifeguard did this, made a comment about someone's body that they could hear, that's particularly wrong. I mean, I know we're teenagers, but we're also expected to be responsible and mature. Our jobs aren't flipping burgers, after all, right?

Yeah, so I'm sorry to say that two of my lifeguard co-workers have been making animal noises at me while I'm on the job and in my suit so I could hear it. I've stepped up and told them to knock it off, basically, to stop being you-know-whats in the workplace. I've gotten some advice from adults I know about what to do beyond that, and one thing that almost everyone tells me is to make sure that someone in charge knows about it, too. Like I said, I have spoken out about it with the two guards already, and I have no idea what will come of it. Sometimes a light bulb goes off in people's heads that the workplace is no place for that and really no place is the place for that, and sometimes it goads them to do it more. We'll see, I'm hoping for the former. But the other people I've talked with remind me that this is serious enough to let a supervisor know. So I'm letting you know."

This does a few things:

1) You are calm and mature.

2) You haven't named names--you're not out to tattle. Hopefully the supervisor will immediately be supportive and ask for names. And s/he'll step up and do the right thing: back you up, call in the perps, and lay down the law.

3) Put the other person on notice that you are not alone: You have spoken about this with other mature adults who support you and also think this is wrong. In other words, it's like symbolically you AND adult friends are in that office talking with the supervisor--you're representing yourself and a general consensus of other smart, responsible people.

I would think carefully about which supervisor you speak with. I might choose the most responsible one--the one who is least likely to also be talking about people's bodies or yucking it up inappropriately. You might choose two, one man, one woman. Or just the woman.

This is so obnoxious I don't even know where to begin.

People tease each other. Boys tease girls. If they are all 15, it actually makes sense. Simple teasing is not harassment, especially if all we are talking about is two boys occasionally oinking at a girl or kids talking about other kids behind their backs. Good grief.

Mom, tell your daughter to either hold her head high and don't let them get to her OR she can tell them to fuck off. Whatever suits her better. Unless the level of teasing changes, there is absolutely nothing else to do about it.

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the former poster. The kids are teens, but they're employees. Employees don't do that. If they can't behave like employees, they face consequences.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DD to use her phone on the record button and tell her supervisor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so obnoxious I don't even know where to begin.

People tease each other. Boys tease girls. If they are all 15, it actually makes sense. Simple teasing is not harassment, especially if all we are talking about is two boys occasionally oinking at a girl or kids talking about other kids behind their backs. Good grief.

Mom, tell your daughter to either hold her head high and don't let them get to her OR she can tell them to fuck off. Whatever suits her better. Unless the level of teasing changes, there is absolutely nothing else to do about it.

PP, your "boys will be boys" attitude is very old-fashioned and, to put it bluntly, wrong. I sincerely hope that if you are the parent of sons that you do not convey to them that this is acceptable behavior. At all.

[Anonymous]

The summer is over in 3 weeks. Tell your daughter to ignore it, and advise her to not work at the pool next summer, where it sounds like they are a bunch of jerks. And tell her she looks good the way she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the former poster. The kids are teens, but they're employees. Employees don't do that. If they can't behave like employees, they face consequences.

Sure they do, ESPECIALLY if they are kids. Teenagers tease each other, no matter where they are. Teenagers talk about each other behind their backs. I'm not brushing it off with some sort of "boys will be boys!" but the reality is that kids do this to each other. Boys do it to girls and boys; girls do it to girls and boys. It is a teenage phenomena. Probably the most helpful thing mom can do for her daughter, is to help the daughter gain some perspective and not get all stressed out about it and help her do things so that the daughter can feel more confident about herself. If needed, help the girl find the words if she wants to say something to the boys, and help her understand that at some point - if it becomes enough of a problem - that saying something to the boss would be good, but maybe (depending of course on the severity of the situation) that there might be some benefit in waiting until the season is over. A 15 year old who is getting teased DOES need to learn how to accurately assess things and have the ability to determine whether the situation actually requires adult intervention. From what has been described here, there is nothing of a truly serious nature happening. Just because a girls feelings are hurt does not equal a severe situation.

If the only actual thing happening is that two boys are oinking at her when she walks by, a boss might be truly annoyed with the girl for making a big deal about it, and not want to hire her back next year because she is too much of a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so obnoxious I don't even know where to begin.

People tease each other. Boys tease girls. If they are all 15, it actually makes sense. Simple teasing is not harassment, especially if all we are talking about is two boys occasionally oinking at a girl or kids talking about other kids behind their backs. Good grief.

Mom, tell your daughter to either hold her head high and don't let them get to her OR she can tell them to fuck off. Whatever suits her better. Unless the level of teasing changes, there is absolutely nothing else to do about it.

PP, your "boys will be boys" attitude is very old-fashioned and, to put it bluntly, wrong. I sincerely hope that if you are the parent of sons that you do not convey to them that this is acceptable behavior. At all.

Well crap, do you need to turn everything into a gender war? Yes, boys tease girls. Girls also tease boys -- in fact several responses here suggested the girl comment on the boys penis size. Care to comment on how old-fashioned or wrong that attitude is?

I try to convey to my children (my girls and my boys) that treating others with respect is really important. I know that sometimes they fail and are mean to each other and other kids, too. I also try to help my kids build resilience by not getting upset every time someone is mean to them.

[Anonymous]

So I'm wondering how many of the posters that are defending the boys would think it's okay if this young lady was African American and every time she walked by, the boys made the sounds of another animal?

Let me tell you, people would be Screaming if that was the case.

Also let me tell you- this is no different. A woman is at work to work. Not to be bullied, harassed, or assessed for her weight if she can do the job.

Race, gender, disability.. Workplace harassment is workplace harassment. It's not "boys will be boys" or "she shouldn't be in a bathing suit". Or "it's a teenage thing". These boys are paid to represent their employer, both in the public eye and to the coworker (female teen). Their deportment is not conducive to a positive or safe work environment. It may come to the fact that this group may need to work together to save a life. If there is ANY hesitation for this young girl because of how she's been treated - then at can be a second that matters.

[Anonymous]

It is so annoying when people call 15 year olds "women."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so obnoxious I don't even know where to begin.

People tease each other. Boys tease girls. If they are all 15, it actually makes sense. Simple teasing is not harassment, especially if all we are talking about is two boys occasionally oinking at a girl or kids talking about other kids behind their backs. Good grief.

Mom, tell your daughter to either hold her head high and don't let them get to her OR she can tell them to fuck off. Whatever suits her better. Unless the level of teasing changes, there is absolutely nothing else to do about it.

PP, your "boys will be boys" attitude is very old-fashioned and, to put it bluntly, wrong. I sincerely hope that if you are the parent of sons that you do not convey to them that this is acceptable behavior. At all.

Well crap, do you need to turn everything into a gender war? Yes, boys tease girls. Girls also tease boys -- in fact several responses here suggested the girl comment on the boys penis size. Care to comment on how old-fashioned or wrong that attitude is?

I try to convey to my children (my girls and my boys) that treating others with respect is really important. I know that sometimes they fail and are mean to each other and other kids, too. I also try to help my kids build resilience by not getting upset every time someone is mean to them.

Right. And one way to drive that lesson home is to have consequences when they don't treat people with respect. If every time they disrespect a woman (or a girl, or whatever you want to call a female 15 year old), you brush it off with "boys will be boys," how the hell will they ever learn how to treat people?

[Anonymous]

If these were my boys, I'd want that girl to go to the supervisor, and I'd want that supervisor to explain in no uncertain terms that the behavior is 100% not acceptable and that they are on suspended leave for a few days. Or fired.

This should be covered in training, btw. Pools are no place for shenanigans like this, in general, and treating coworkers with respect--something that really only SOME teens need to learn because most already know this--is a requirement of the job. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well crap, do you need to turn everything into a gender war? Yes, boys tease girls. Girls also tease boys -- in fact several responses here suggested the girl comment on the boys penis size. Care to comment on how old-fashioned or wrong that attitude is?

I try to convey to my children (my girls and my boys) that treating others with respect is really important. I know that sometimes they fail and are mean to each other and other kids, too. I also try to help my kids build resilience by not getting upset every time someone is mean to them.

No matter.

If you're old enough to hold a job, you are old enough to be held to the standard of a employee. Period. I'll tell you, must kids know not to do this. But if a kid is late to work, does a sloppy job, or has a "bad attitude," they get reprimanded or fired. They're not campers. They're employees.

Hell, even patrons at the pool are held to a high standard of respect for others. At our city pool, this rule is explicitly stated. I have seen two kids be kicked out for excessive (jovial) vulgar language after a warning, and one person told to leave for making a rude comment to someone he didn't know was a lifeguard. Tough noogies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The summer is over in 3 weeks. Tell your daughter to ignore it, and advise her to not work at the pool next summer, where it sounds like they are a bunch of jerks. And tell her she looks good the way she is.

I agree with this.

I wouldn't bother with trying to document/report/sue/whatever.

Explain to your daughter that those boys are a&&holes. They are insecure jerks and she should just ignore it.
Tell your daughter that she is beautiful and you're sorry that she has to deal with this crap.

You can even ask her what she wants to do and if she wants to talk to the manage, help her with that. Otherwise, just suck it up for another week or so and move on. Not even worth wasting her time and energy on these jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so annoying when people call 15 year olds "women."

Would you prefer "Female people are at work to work"? Or "Girls and women are at work to work"? Or "Current and future women are at work to work"?

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your daughter going to do?