Teenage daughter being teased at summer job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer who works in the area of employment discrimination and what has been described would not constitute sexual harassment. Teasing someone of the opposite gender does not rise to the level of sexual harassment. It is obnoxious behavior that should stop -- she should first tell her co-workers to stop doing it, letting them know that she knows, and then tell her supervisor. It is conceivable that if it persists after she complains the behavior might be defined as creating a hostile environment, but that still seems a stretch since the only thing that makes it sex-based is the fact that she is a woman but that, by itself, does not make it sexual harassment -- not in school either I might add.

I'd say there's an implied critique of her sexual desirability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not completely convinced that the "15 year old" is, in fact, NOT a HS kid.

I am NOW...... (should read)

[Anonymous]

FYI - A DC lifeguard got a 3.5 Million settlement:
http://www.sexualharassmentlawyerblog.net/2012/08/13/harassment-and-retaliation-victim-awarded-3-5-million-by-d-c-jury/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FYI - A DC lifeguard got a 3.5 Million settlement:
http://www.sexualharassmentlawyerblog.net/2012/08/13/harassment-and-retaliation-victim-awarded-3-5-million-by-d-c-jury/

...then you probably don't want to comment on their small penises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer who works in the area of employment discrimination and what has been described would not constitute sexual harassment. Teasing someone of the opposite gender does not rise to the level of sexual harassment. It is obnoxious behavior that should stop -- she should first tell her co-workers to stop doing it, letting them know that she knows, and then tell her supervisor. It is conceivable that if it persists after she complains the behavior might be defined as creating a hostile environment, but that still seems a stretch since the only thing that makes it sex-based is the fact that she is a woman but that, by itself, does not make it sexual harassment -- not in school either I might add.

I'd say there's an implied critique of her sexual desirability.

What if they say the same about a male lifeguard, is it also an implied critique of his sexual desirability?

Can anything be said that wouldn't be a critique of her sexual desirability?

[Anonymous]

I think she should ask an adult lawyer friend how to approach this--just as any adult would. She is in the workplace, and she should do her best to approach her supervisor maturely and calmly, but also with some gravitas and knowledge behind her, if she can.

The pool can hire young adults or adults, but all are required to behave appropriately and responsibly.

I believe she should approach it not as a personal "tattling," but as a bona fide workplace complaint. She can practice saying what she needs to say with you, her lawyer friend, or whomever and she should also present the complaint on paper and request a response from her employer on paper. She can do it nicely, professionally, and with 100% confidence that she is DOING THE RIGHT THING. The young men need to learn, the employer needs to be presented the opportunity to be a good employer, too.

I once called a company when two drivers in a truck slowed down to lean out the window and made a rude comment and animal sound at me and a friend of mine. I got a call back from the owner the next day saying thank you for the report (he was genuinely very, very nice), and that they had been fired. That wasn't my goal, but the company decided they didn't want those guys representing them. I'll bet they learned a lesson.

[Anonymous]

Here's a link:

http://www.yourofficecoach.com/topics/managing_your_boss/how_to_complain/how_to_complain_to_your_boss.aspx

Some ideas to consider. Maybe not present the problem in writing, first? I really would consult an HR person or a lawyer for some help. Again, not to lead with "litigious aggression," but to practice calmly laying out the issue and presenting yourself as a centered, responsible (and not easily pushed-around) young adult. With some clout.

[Anonymous]

Do you sue susie's parents if she stops being BFF

[Anonymous]

Seriously - lawyers?

So American to deal with every little issue by suing. No wonder people can't cope with life - they don't deal with anything - just sue and have lawyers deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously - lawyers?

So American to deal with every little issue by suing. No wonder people can't cope with life - they don't deal with anything - just sue and have lawyers deal with it.

No. But if I were in a hostile workplace environment and sort of "brand new" to that world (as teens are), I would ask experts for advice about how to approach it. And so would you, I'll bet. That's pretty much what smart people do, you know. Get good ideas from smart people, in this case your parents, a family friend who's a lawyer (who's job it is to work with people to resolve problems) or an HR person.

I did it when I had to figure out how to approach my daughter's school about a complicated school related issue. I asked a teacher, an administrator, a counselor what they thought first, and they helped give me perspective and the language I needed. Absolutely helped move things in the right direction much, much faster--it wasn't hostile or anything. But it was obvious I was informed and prepared.

Getting information from smart, professional, experienced people is a good idea. It's sort of like going window shopping.

So what are your ideas--but please share only if you're smart.

[Anonymous]

Here are some ideas from an online source:

http://employeeatty.blogspot.com/2011/03/i-reported-harassment-and-now-hr-wants.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously - lawyers?

So American to deal with every little issue by suing. No wonder people can't cope with life - they don't deal with anything - just sue and have lawyers deal with it.

No. But if I were in a hostile workplace environment and sort of "brand new" to that world (as teens are), I would ask experts for advice about how to approach it. And so would you, I'll bet. That's pretty much what smart people do, you know. Get good ideas from smart people, in this case your parents, a family friend who's a lawyer (who's job it is to work with people to resolve problems) or an HR person.

I did it when I had to figure out how to approach my daughter's school about a complicated school related issue. I asked a teacher, an administrator, a counselor what they thought first, and they helped give me perspective and the language I needed. Absolutely helped move things in the right direction much, much faster--it wasn't hostile or anything. But it was obvious I was informed and prepared.

Getting information from smart, professional, experienced people is a good idea. It's sort of like going window shopping.

So what are your ideas--but please share only if you're smart.

Pretty much it is only the super rich who have a lawyer on speed dial to call if Junior gets called a name or someone makes an unkind sound. for 99.999% of the population, the idea of calling a lawyer over being called a name is ludicrous. The rest of the non super wealthy deal with this by being assertive, speaking up for themselves and going to supervisors. If that doesn't address it then going to HR and to a higher boss would be the path. "I call a lawyer" is not a great response when asked how you deal with conflict or someone being difficult or calling you a name. It reeks of affluenza.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously - lawyers?

So American to deal with every little issue by suing. No wonder people can't cope with life - they don't deal with anything - just sue and have lawyers deal with it.

No. But if I were in a hostile workplace environment and sort of "brand new" to that world (as teens are), I would ask experts for advice about how to approach it. And so would you, I'll bet. That's pretty much what smart people do, you know. Get good ideas from smart people, in this case your parents, a family friend who's a lawyer (who's job it is to work with people to resolve problems) or an HR person.

I did it when I had to figure out how to approach my daughter's school about a complicated school related issue. I asked a teacher, an administrator, a counselor what they thought first, and they helped give me perspective and the language I needed. Absolutely helped move things in the right direction much, much faster--it wasn't hostile or anything. But it was obvious I was informed and prepared.

Getting information from smart, professional, experienced people is a good idea. It's sort of like going window shopping.

So what are your ideas--but please share only if you're smart.

Pretty much it is only the super rich who have a lawyer on speed dial to call if Junior gets called a name or someone makes an unkind sound. for 99.999% of the population, the idea of calling a lawyer over being called a name is ludicrous. The rest of the non super wealthy deal with this by being assertive, speaking up for themselves and going to supervisors. If that doesn't address it then going to HR and to a higher boss would be the path. "I call a lawyer" is not a great response when asked how you deal with conflict or someone being difficult or calling you a name. It reeks of affluenza.

No doubt affluent people have access to more resources. Please note I did not say get a lawyer to represent you. I said talk to someone like a lawyer or someone in HR who has experience to get advice. Get advice. Get advice. Now, do you have some specific advice? Can you give better, specific advice than you're currently doing? Good. Do it. And stop complaining. JesusMaryAndJoseph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a lawyer who works in the area of employment discrimination and what has been described would not constitute sexual harassment. Teasing someone of the opposite gender does not rise to the level of sexual harassment. It is obnoxious behavior that should stop -- she should first tell her co-workers to stop doing it, letting them know that she knows, and then tell her supervisor. It is conceivable that if it persists after she complains the behavior might be defined as creating a hostile environment, but that still seems a stretch since the only thing that makes it sex-based is the fact that she is a woman but that, by itself, does not make it sexual harassment -- not in school either I might add.

+1 from another employment discrimination lawyer. There's no such thing as a hostile environment unless the conduct is based on a legally protected characteristic (race, sex, religion, etc.). Boys get made fun of for their appearance too.

Also, in peer harassment cases in schools, the fact that the perpetrators are kids who don't have the maturity one expects of adults is an important factor in determining school administrators' liability for the conduct. It's an interesting question whether that factor would be taken into account in a work environment full of kids.

OP, the summer is almost over. If I were you I would not encourage my daughter to lawyer up, as they say, but turn the other cheek. They're only doing it to get a rise out of her. Then I would speak to the pool manager at the end of the year (particularly if you are a member), with or without daughter, and constructively suggest some things they can do next summer to minimize this sort of behavior. Such as having written rules for lifeguard language and conduct backed by threat of firing, and a clear means for kids to complain when the rules are violated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, the summer is almost over. If I were you I would not encourage my daughter to lawyer up, as they say, but turn the other cheek. They're only doing it to get a rise out of her. Then I would speak to the pool manager at the end of the year (particularly if you are a member), with or without daughter, and constructively suggest some things they can do next summer to minimize this sort of behavior. Such as having written rules for lifeguard language and conduct backed by threat of firing, and a clear means for kids to complain when the rules are violated.

I disagree very strongly with regard to ignoring this and waiting. I would practice a good response from your daughter, something along the lines of: "NO. That is NOT okay. That is NOT okay where I work and NOT okay in general." And she should say it with her friggin' coldest, calmest, you've got 1 minute to apologize before I unleash the hounds of hell on you look. Bullying and harassing behavior will continue if people think they can get away with it. Quiet, meek responses yield more bullying and harassing.

I would put on my calmest, most mature pair of woman pants, maybe channeling someone like... oh, maybe Sotomayor? RBG? Hillary Clinton? I don't know, think of someone rad and fierce. And imagining "What would _____ say/do?" I'd report what happened to the supervisor or whoever up the chain seems to be responsible and mature. Not tattling. Reporting. As in something like: "John, I have something oh, somewhat serious I'd like to talk with you about. Do you have a minute? I'd like to speak with you in private, though. Is break time 1:30 okay?"

Then:

"I want to tell you something about something going on at work and what I'm sure you'll agree is unprofessional, immature behavior that is unbecoming of lifeguards employed by this pool. I think I responded to it and may have shut it down, but time will tell, and it's serious enough that I think I should tell someone else. As you know, obviously, we work at a pool. Everyone's in a bathing suit, patrons who are moms, teens, kids, lifeguards including you and me. Making comments about someone's body in a bathing suit is definitely not okay, especially if those comments are within earshot of the person they're talking about. And if a lifeguard did this, made a comment about someone's body that they could hear, that's particularly wrong. I mean, I know we're teenagers, but we're also expected to be responsible and mature. Our jobs aren't flipping burgers, after all, right?

Yeah, so I'm sorry to say that two of my lifeguard co-workers have been making animal noises at me while I'm on the job and in my suit so I could hear it. I've stepped up and told them to knock it off, basically, to stop being you-know-whats in the workplace. I've gotten some advice from adults I know about what to do beyond that, and one thing that almost everyone tells me is to make sure that someone in charge knows about it, too. Like I said, I have spoken out about it with the two guards already, and I have no idea what will come of it. Sometimes a light bulb goes off in people's heads that the workplace is no place for that and really no place is the place for that, and sometimes it goads them to do it more. We'll see, I'm hoping for the former. But the other people I've talked with remind me that this is serious enough to let a supervisor know. So I'm letting you know."

This does a few things:

1) You are calm and mature.

2) You haven't named names--you're not out to tattle. Hopefully the supervisor will immediately be supportive and ask for names. And s/he'll step up and do the right thing: back you up, call in the perps, and lay down the law.

3) Put the other person on notice that you are not alone: You have spoken about this with other mature adults who support you and also think this is wrong. In other words, it's like symbolically you AND adult friends are in that office talking with the supervisor--you're representing yourself and a general consensus of other smart, responsible people.

I would think carefully about which supervisor you speak with. I might choose the most responsible one--the one who is least likely to also be talking about people's bodies or yucking it up inappropriately. You might choose two, one man, one woman. Or just the woman.