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Elementary School-Aged Kids
Reply to "Teenage daughter being teased at summer job"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] OP, the summer is almost over. If I were you I would not encourage my daughter to lawyer up, as they say, but turn the other cheek. They're only doing it to get a rise out of her. Then I would speak to the pool manager at the end of the year (particularly if you are a member), with or without daughter, and constructively suggest some things they can do next summer to minimize this sort of behavior. Such as having written rules for lifeguard language and conduct backed by threat of firing, and a clear means for kids to complain when the rules are violated.[/quote] I disagree very strongly with regard to ignoring this and waiting. I would practice a good response from your daughter, something along the lines of: "NO. That is NOT okay. That is NOT okay where I work and NOT okay in general." And she should say it with her friggin' coldest, calmest, you've got 1 minute to apologize before I unleash the hounds of hell on you look. Bullying and harassing behavior will continue if people think they can get away with it. Quiet, meek responses yield more bullying and harassing. I would put on my calmest, most mature pair of woman pants, maybe channeling someone like... oh, maybe Sotomayor? RBG? Hillary Clinton? I don't know, think of someone rad and fierce. And imagining "What would _____ say/do?" I'd report what happened to the supervisor or whoever up the chain seems to be responsible and mature. Not tattling. Reporting. As in something like: "John, I have something oh, somewhat serious I'd like to talk with you about. Do you have a minute? I'd like to speak with you in private, though. Is break time 1:30 okay?" Then: "I want to tell you something about something going on at work and what I'm sure you'll agree is unprofessional, immature behavior that is unbecoming of lifeguards employed by this pool. I think I responded to it and may have shut it down, but time will tell, and it's serious enough that I think I should tell someone else. As you know, obviously, we work at a pool. Everyone's in a bathing suit, patrons who are moms, teens, kids, lifeguards including you and me. Making comments about someone's body in a bathing suit is definitely not okay, especially if those comments are within earshot of the person they're talking about. And if a lifeguard did this, made a comment about someone's body that they could hear, that's particularly wrong. I mean, I know we're teenagers, but we're also expected to be responsible and mature. Our jobs aren't flipping burgers, after all, right? Yeah, so I'm sorry to say that two of my lifeguard co-workers have been making animal noises at me while I'm on the job and in my suit so I could hear it. I've stepped up and told them to knock it off, basically, to stop being you-know-whats in the workplace. I've gotten some advice from adults I know about what to do beyond that, and one thing that almost everyone tells me is to make sure that someone in charge knows about it, too. Like I said, I have spoken out about it with the two guards already, and I have no idea what will come of it. Sometimes a light bulb goes off in people's heads that the workplace is no place for that and really no place is the place for that, and sometimes it goads them to do it more. We'll see, I'm hoping for the former. But the other people I've talked with remind me that this is serious enough to let a supervisor know. So I'm letting you know." This does a few things: 1) You are calm and mature. 2) You haven't named names--you're not out to tattle. Hopefully the supervisor will immediately be supportive and ask for names. And s/he'll step up and do the right thing: back you up, call in the perps, and lay down the law. 3) Put the other person on notice that you are not alone: You have spoken about this with other mature adults who support you and also think this is wrong. In other words, it's like symbolically you AND adult friends are in that office talking with the supervisor--you're representing yourself and a general consensus of other smart, responsible people. I would think carefully about which supervisor you speak with. I might choose the most responsible one--the one who is least likely to also be talking about people's bodies or yucking it up inappropriately. You might choose two, one man, one woman. Or just the woman. [/quote] This is so obnoxious I don't even know where to begin. People tease each other. Boys tease girls. If they are all 15, it actually makes sense. Simple teasing is not harassment, especially if all we are talking about is two boys occasionally oinking at a girl or kids talking about other kids behind their backs. Good grief. Mom, tell your daughter to either hold her head high and don't let them get to her OR she can tell them to fuck off. Whatever suits her better. Unless the level of teasing changes, there is absolutely nothing else to do about it.[/quote]
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