SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

So. Does your husband only work the exact hours he needs to survive... or is he so wedded to a paycheck that he works more hours, away from his children, raised by a single mom.

I think you are totally missing the point. In this case, one parent doesn't WANT to work. And the other one is okay with that. This isn't a value judgment against those who work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

How about making choices that benefit the foundational years of your child's early development? Your earning potential will never fix a neglected baby or toddler who wasn't loved all day, every day. Btw, I'm not talking about the long-distance love you have from far away in your downtown office.

As an adoptive parent this really hurts to read. Because my child wasn't loved all day, every day you think her development is screwed? We both know that is not necessarily the case, just like there is no guarantee that your children, God forbid, won't end up screwed up anyway.

PP, I'm an adoptive parent too, and we did not get our dd until she was 3 years old. I know these comments can hurt also. But you and I both know that our children are thriving, and it's really amazing how well children can do in lots of different environments, isn't it? Just learn to let comments like these roll off your shoulder and just keep on, keepin' on doing what's best for your child. Signed, adoptive mom of one kid who's doing great! And she even went to daycare after we got her - gasp!

[Anonymous]

As a WOHM, do you spend your time that all the stress from juggling and hours spent at work will lead to divorce? The answer should be of course not, and why you would expect SAHM's to answer differently lies with your own ambivalence about your decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:your own ambivalence about your decisions.

I think this is the crux of the issue on both sides and why nether side can be normal in this discussion. Most women do worry that they haven't made the right decision, so they attack the other side out of defensiveness. I think I made the right decision for my family. I don't care what you think about it. You can criticize me all day long and it won't make me question my decision. I'll just think you are a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

How about making choices that benefit the foundational years of your child's early development? Your earning potential will never fix a neglected baby or toddler who wasn't loved all day, every day. Btw, I'm not talking about the long-distance love you have from far away in your downtown office.

As an adoptive parent this really hurts to read. Because my child wasn't loved all day, every day you think her development is screwed? We both know that is not necessarily the case, just like there is no guarantee that your children, God forbid, won't end up screwed up anyway.

PP, I'm an adoptive parent too, and we did not get our dd until she was 3 years old. I know these comments can hurt also. But you and I both know that our children are thriving, and it's really amazing how well children can do in lots of different environments, isn't it? Just learn to let comments like these roll off your shoulder and just keep on, keepin' on doing what's best for your child. Signed, adoptive mom of one kid who's doing great! And she even went to daycare after we got her - gasp!

PS Sometimes I think people like this make comments like that to justify their existence/choices: "OMG, your kid is doing great but you didn't stay home with him/her? OMG, what does that mean about all the sacrifices *I* made to stay home? Did my kid really need that? Was my presence totally justified?" and so on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

So. Does your husband only work the exact hours he needs to survive... or is he so wedded to a paycheck that he works more hours, away from his children, raised by a single mom.

Well, he does not get paid by the hour. He works hard at a job he loves, but is not a workaholic or absentee dad, if that is what you're implying.

To the PP who brought up welfare, I was talking about second, unnecessary paychecks... being wedded to the idea that worth only comes from a paying job, even when you don't need the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I am not sure what my parents insurance arrangements were, although I am pretty sure my father had something through the USAF. As for my mother, dear bitter SAHM, she very much enjoyed her work. It provided her with a center and grounding outside the marriage and a good base of friends to draw on when my father died. My mother lives all alone now as her three children have moved far away - we are spread over three states and occasionally a foreign country or two - her mother is dead and her brother still in her hometown. She has plenty to do with her friends and my father provided more than enough for her (in addition to her OWN retirement savings) that she is comfortable in retirement.

I am glad you are not my wife 'cause you sound like such a shrew. As for my DW, I am divorcing her 'cause she is an abusive SAHM. I found out she was hitting my kids, so I am taking them away. Court date in a few days, and it will be over. She is out!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

I know right? Why should I work if I don't have to? I mean, the government will provide for my housing and food and healthcare if I quit my job, and then I could stay home with my precious snowflakes. Working is for suckers!

Are you really comparing a SAHM to being on welfare? Some of you really are crazy.

Absolutely. A sahm saying she doesn't work because she doesn't want to and doesn't have to is the exact same mentality as someone on welfare. Just because her free money comes from her husband doesn't mean she is any less lazy and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

I know right? Why should I work if I don't have to? I mean, the government will provide for my housing and food and healthcare if I quit my job, and then I could stay home with my precious snowflakes. Working is for suckers!

Are you really comparing a SAHM to being on welfare? Some of you really are crazy.

Absolutely. A sahm saying she doesn't work because she doesn't want to and doesn't have to is the exact same mentality as someone on welfare. Just because her free money comes from her husband doesn't mean she is any less lazy and entitled.

Ha. I can't wait to tell my husband. Who knew I was a welfare queen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

So. Does your husband only work the exact hours he needs to survive... or is he so wedded to a paycheck that he works more hours, away from his children, raised by a single mom.

I think you are totally missing the point. In this case, one parent doesn't WANT to work. And the other one is okay with that. This isn't a value judgment against those who work.

The mansplainer... said it makes sense for the SAHP to go back to work once the children are in school.

The defensive SAHP said that this means this couple is wedded to a paycheck. There is a reason if you want to mitigate risk for a SAHP to at least go back part time in the off chance there is an injury, illness, death or divorce. This is not really about WANTING to work or NOT WANTING to work. My teenager... does not want to work, but he is working. You can't just live off the dole. More than likely if there is an injury/illness, the family with 1 working parent will live off the dole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

I know right? Why should I work if I don't have to? I mean, the government will provide for my housing and food and healthcare if I quit my job, and then I could stay home with my precious snowflakes. Working is for suckers!

Are you really comparing a SAHM to being on welfare? Some of you really are crazy.

Absolutely. A sahm saying she doesn't work because she doesn't want to and doesn't have to is the exact same mentality as someone on welfare. Just because her free money comes from her husband doesn't mean she is any less lazy and entitled.

Well, it kind of does mean something else, but thinking doesn't seem to be your strong suit so the fact that you have this opinion doesn't surprise me. I hope you say this to the SAHMs you know. I would love to watch that go down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

So. Does your husband only work the exact hours he needs to survive... or is he so wedded to a paycheck that he works more hours, away from his children, raised by a single mom.

I think you are totally missing the point. In this case, one parent doesn't WANT to work. And the other one is okay with that. This isn't a value judgment against those who work.

The mansplainer... said it makes sense for the SAHP to go back to work once the children are in school.

The defensive SAHP said that this means this couple is wedded to a paycheck. There is a reason if you want to mitigate risk for a SAHP to at least go back part time in the off chance there is an injury, illness, death or divorce. This is not really about WANTING to work or NOT WANTING to work. My teenager... does not want to work, but he is working. You can't just live off the dole. More than likely if there is an injury/illness, the family with 1 working parent will live off the dole.

Do people really not have insurance? We have life, long-term disability and short-term disability. We won't live off the dole. Maybe people should plan a bit better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

Then they are likely underinsured. Ours would float me for my life and leave my kids with a pretty big inheritance.

[Anonymous]

I know multiple families dealing with disability/death and life insurance may float you for a few years, which is it's purpose. It will not care for you for the rest of your life.

Depends on the amount.