SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

I am not sure why you think SAHMs have a higher chance of being left. Do you just mean because they have no salary? I work but make way less than my husband.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

[Anonymous]

He'd be a fool; I stay home because this is what we both wanted and planned towards. Plus, I got a sizeable inheritance that bought us our first home and stand to inherit more. My inheritance was a completely unexpected and was received a few years into our marriage, so I can't say he married me for my money. Maybe he stays because of it?

I would continue to SAH too, if our marriage dissolved. Alimony and inheritance and all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

If I were married to some of the men I hear about on this forum I'd be worried. Maybe you married one of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

I get that divorce happens a lot in our society, but it seems really sad to go into a marriage already thinking of the "what-ifs". I have thought about what would happen if DH were to die or if we did ever for whatever reason get divorced. Of course, I think, both women and men need to plan for the unknown with savings and life insurance. And I do think it's important for women especially to be able to go back into the workforce, if need be, for whatever reason, be it divorce or death.

But I don't think I'd ever decide to never be a SAHM because of the possibility of divorce. I keep one foot in the working world because when the kids are older, I know I'd want to go back to work FT since they won't need me as much and also to pay for their college. This is the main reason I would not want to be SAHM for more than a few years, but divorce was never the reason. I feel 100% secure in my marriage. Plus, DH has already said divorce would be so painful he can't imagine going through it.

[Anonymous]

The wide-eyed "sincerity" of OP is even more galling than mossy straight-up trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wide-eyed "sincerity" of OP is even more galling than mossy straight-up trolls.

Haha... Mossy should be "most."

[Anonymous]

I am fully confident we wont divorce. We have been together for about 15 years before I became a SAHM. What kind of shitty relationship do you have if you are planning for divorce at every step?

[Anonymous]

OP the overall divorce rate is immaterial to the likelihood of your marriage ending in divorce. It either will (100% rate) or won't (0%)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

How about making choices that benefit the foundational years of your child's early development? Your earning potential will never fix a neglected baby or toddler who wasn't loved all day, every day. Btw, I'm not talking about the long-distance love you have from far away in your downtown office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No.

If he does, then I am educated and qualified and can get a job if/when necessary.

+1

That's why I got an education, so I wouldn't be dependent on him. I only became a SAHM after our second child was born, because financially, it made sense to stay home. My salary would basically be spent on childcare for two kids, with a little bit left over. The little bit wasn't worth the extra stress or work I would have to do once I got home (cook, baths for the kids etc.). My DH is a great guy and he would pitch in, but I know most of it would fall on me since we have 2 girls.

Actually, for EDUCATED individuals, the divorce rate is low. We are both faithful and we put our marriage first. We are in it for the long haul. Stuff could happen, but again, that's why I have a degree. I could get a job to support myself if I decided to leave or if he decided to divorce me. Frankly, it's not worth it for him to divorce me. We built a great life together and cut in half would be pretty shitty.

[Anonymous]

No. I was raised by a single mom who worked all the time and I lived in poverty. I've lived that life so why fear it. I am enjoying being a SAHM who has a husband who is willing to work hard for his family and I have lots of time for my kids. I am living a life I only dreamed of as a child. I don't fear being poor when I have already been poor.

[Anonymous]

OP,

How you feel about money, relationship etc. stems a lot from your own personal situation and history. My family history and situation, my relationship with my DH, the dynamics of the family unit DH and I created together, our financial situation, our shared principles, our cultural and religious beliefs, our personalitys are such that this is not an issue for me.

You do have my sympathy though that you are not in the same boat. All the best to you.

- SAHM and loving it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. If we divorce I will get a lot more money as a SAHM. It's the working moms with their own salary who really get screwed in a divorce.

This is true. I believe after you are married for 7 years you get half of his retirement. I also have a college degree and work experience to rebuild if need be.