SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

No. I don't worry. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM, but am thinking about it. I don't worry about my marriage ending, but I do occasionally think about how I would fare financially if it were to happen after I stop working. However, I suspect that divorce rates might be lower when one parent stays home to focus on kids. DH and I have been together a long time and are solid, but all the squabbles and tension that do enter into our relationship are a function of both of us having demanding careers and being stressed out trying to juggle those pressures with young kids and couple time (yeah right) and running a home. I honestly think that becoming a SAHM would lower my risk of divorce. I don't think it is a coincidence that US divorce rates skyrocketed when large numbers of women started working in high-pressure fields that were previously male dominated.

Divorce rates went up when women started working because they no longer felt the need to put up with the guys' behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husbands who make a lot of money do not care about being the sole breadwinner.

I don't have a dog in this fight (done both) and don't like that it is a fight anyhow, but wow, this is totally not true. It is possible your spouse hides his stress from you, but to say that they don't care is just wrong. Someone -- maybe not you -- knows about his stress about breadwinning.

I would never sign up to be a breadwinner. The stress I've seen seems off the charts to me.

Right!?! Unreal how ignorant some of these freeloaders can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine that you won the lottery tomorrow, with annual payments of $1 million+/year for the next 20 years of your life. Would you resent DH or DW if they said to you, "I want to give up my stressful job now, and spend more time with our kids while they are still home. Also, because we now have the money to do so, I would like to hire a nanny to help us around the house with cleaning, cooking, and driving the kids around."

No. My company did go IPO. My DH and I never have to work another day in our lives. We both work...at our pleasure. Its a totally different ballgame when it's your hobby.

If DH did not want to work, I would not care. No skin off my back, but that's not the way he was built.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM, but am thinking about it. I don't worry about my marriage ending, but I do occasionally think about how I would fare financially if it were to happen after I stop working. However, I suspect that divorce rates might be lower when one parent stays home to focus on kids. DH and I have been together a long time and are solid, but all the squabbles and tension that do enter into our relationship are a function of both of us having demanding careers and being stressed out trying to juggle those pressures with young kids and couple time (yeah right) and running a home. I honestly think that becoming a SAHM would lower my risk of divorce. I don't think it is a coincidence that US divorce rates skyrocketed when large numbers of women started working in high-pressure fields that were previously male dominated.

Divorce rates went up when women started working because they no longer felt the need to put up with the guys' behavior.

No shit...why do you think the divorce rate is so low in countries where women are subjugated? Its not like Saudi women are heading in droves for divorce court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husbands who make a lot of money do not care about being the sole breadwinner.

I don't have a dog in this fight (done both) and don't like that it is a fight anyhow, but wow, this is totally not true. It is possible your spouse hides his stress from you, but to say that they don't care is just wrong. Someone -- maybe not you -- knows about his stress about breadwinning.

I would never sign up to be a breadwinner. The stress I've seen seems off the charts to me.

Right!?! Unreal how ignorant some of these freeloaders can be.

I am PP who wrote the post about stress but OMG I would never agree or call a SAHP a freeloader. Did you catch the part where I said I had done both? I only commented because I thought it was ignorant and wrong to say that any whole group of men don't feel stress related to breadwinning, but now I wish I hadn't -- what I said was definitely was not meant as a slam against SAHPs. I don't get involved in these nasty posts usually, its just what PP said was so ignorant I felt compelled to say something. But now I wish I hadn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a large inheritance to fall back on if need be.

same thing as having a Sugar Daddy
It's not really your money earned using your skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've got no problem with women making the best choices for themselves and their families. But I'm really fascinated by housewives. Every woman in my family has a professional career. The ones who are also moms are great moms. So I'm not really familiar with the housewife model, and have never wanted it for myself (I outsource the stuff I don't want to do). But it's really quite interesting hearing about it. Like visiting a foreign country.

My grandmother was the only woman in my family who practiced her professional career. My sister, for example, attended medical school (1st in her class), residency, and a fellowship at some of the nation's most highly regarded institutions (H/Y/S), and met her future DH along the way. She does not practice medicine, but does sit on several boards of healthcare organizations. My mother and I are similar stories. I guess every family, culture, country has its own patterns.

Your sister is a dumb ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So where do I find these men who have no problem with my staying at home to go to the gym, I mean, "focus on the kids," while outsourcing all the housewife duties?

I found mine at Harvard

Money well spent to sit at home, I guess . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a longtime married SAHM to several children. I have been out of the workforce for more than a decade, leaving a lucrative, high-paying career track (more than $250K). There is no doubt that my being at home has eased DH's ability to focus on his work, and achieve a high measure of success without having to worry about the day-to-day issues and logistics of child care, or the more menial tasks of keeping the house. I have assumed most of that work for myself, and have coordinated two international moves for the family as DH's career has progressed. DH has undoubtedly benefitted from my support, flexibility, love and help, and currently earns $2MM+/ year. We have been married 20+ years. I love my DH and treasure most moments I have gotten to spend with our kids over these many years.

two international moves

wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM, but am thinking about it. I don't worry about my marriage ending, but I do occasionally think about how I would fare financially if it were to happen after I stop working. However, I suspect that divorce rates might be lower when one parent stays home to focus on kids. DH and I have been together a long time and are solid, but all the squabbles and tension that do enter into our relationship are a function of both of us having demanding careers and being stressed out trying to juggle those pressures with young kids and couple time (yeah right) and running a home. I honestly think that becoming a SAHM would lower my risk of divorce. I don't think it is a coincidence that US divorce rates skyrocketed when large numbers of women started working in high-pressure fields that were previously male dominated.

Divorce rates went up when women started working because they no longer felt the need to put up with the guys' behavior.

No shit...why do you think the divorce rate is so low in countries where women are subjugated? Its not like Saudi women are heading in droves for divorce court.

Actually, divorce rate in KSA is around 50%.