SAHMs, do you worry about your husband leaving you?

[Anonymous]

Be careful? Have you seen "Little Children?" Don't let your DH be the "Prom King."

Kate Winslet was so hot in that film, though. The whole thing mocks the type of people on DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

I know right? Why should I work if I don't have to? I mean, the government will provide for my housing and food and healthcare if I quit my job, and then I could stay home with my precious snowflakes. Working is for suckers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. If we divorce I will get a lot more money as a SAHM. It's the working moms with their own salary who really get screwed in a divorce.

Wow. You sound like a class act. Why earn my own money? I'll just take his! Leech much? Don't you have any pride?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am always surprised how much confidence women who have quit work have that their husbands are really going to stay married to them. With the divorce rate around 50%, I'd have to be a total lunatic to make myself so dependent on him. SAHMs, do you ever have doubts or anxiety about this?

What's wrong with confidence? Is that such a bad thing? Is the alternative - fear - somehow more liberating or a more "realistic view"...is that what you are suggesting?
Lemme tell ya something, you can either live in fear or you can live. I don't care if you're a SAHM or married and doing the 9 to 5 or if you're a single mom working 2 jobs with 2 kids - life is what you make it.
Sitting around stressed out and having perpetual panic attacks about what could happen doesn't sound like you're making life anything but miserable, for yourself and for everyone around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

How about making choices that benefit the foundational years of your child's early development? Your earning potential will never fix a neglected baby or toddler who wasn't loved all day, every day. Btw, I'm not talking about the long-distance love you have from far away in your downtown office.

As an adoptive parent this really hurts to read. Because my child wasn't loved all day, every day you think her development is screwed? We both know that is not necessarily the case, just like there is no guarantee that your children, God forbid, won't end up screwed up anyway.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that people are so defensive about what they have decided to do for their families. To work or not to work.

You have to choose whats right for your our family and realize that that's what every family is hopefully doing what is right for theirs. I have worked after my first, stayed home for a few years after my second and am now starting back at work. Being a SAHP is not for everyone even if you can finically do it. Some people just don't want to do it.

Why are we jugging people for what they are choosing what is right for their families??

When I worked and when I was a SAHM there is always a thought of - what would our lives be like in a divorce. My husband and I have talked at length about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

How about making choices that benefit the foundational years of your child's early development? Your earning potential will never fix a neglected baby or toddler who wasn't loved all day, every day. Btw, I'm not talking about the long-distance love you have from far away in your downtown office.

As an adoptive parent this really hurts to read. Because my child wasn't loved all day, every day you think her development is screwed? We both know that is not necessarily the case, just like there is no guarantee that your children, God forbid, won't end up screwed up anyway.

Ignore that poster, PP. Your child will be much better off than one living with a judgmental shrew like her. There is not one shred of evidence that babies that are in daycare are less well-adjusted than their peers with SAHMs. She's just trying to justify her existence. And I guess her husband's downtown love that supports her lazy ass doesn't mean much to their kid.

[Anonymous]

Why the hell are any of you naysayers married? So you could check off the box? Because you were getting old and wanted to have legitimate children?

You don't believe in marriage, partnership, commitment and you married someone you don't trust! I'm no more worried as a SAHM than I would be as a WOHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

I know right? Why should I work if I don't have to? I mean, the government will provide for my housing and food and healthcare if I quit my job, and then I could stay home with my precious snowflakes. Working is for suckers!

Are you really comparing a SAHM to being on welfare? Some of you really are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I worry every day and night. Is that what you want to hear, OP? That I quit my job willy-nilly and never once thought about the consequences.

OP here. I'm not sure whether you are being ironic here. No, that's not what I mean. Women make choices that benefit their family but damage their earning potential and I am not sure how much do they factor in the possibility of divorce.

My solution would be a prenup or postnuptial agreement that in case I made such a decision (possibly at his request), he would make up for any shortfall in earnings come divorce.

How about making choices that benefit the foundational years of your child's early development? Your earning potential will never fix a neglected baby or toddler who wasn't loved all day, every day. Btw, I'm not talking about the long-distance love you have from far away in your downtown office.

As an adoptive parent this really hurts to read. Because my child wasn't loved all day, every day you think her development is screwed? We both know that is not necessarily the case, just like there is no guarantee that your children, God forbid, won't end up screwed up anyway.

Ignore that poster, PP. Your child will be much better off than one living with a judgmental shrew like her. There is not one shred of evidence that babies that are in daycare are less well-adjusted than their peers with SAHMs. She's just trying to justify her existence. And I guess her husband's downtown love that supports her lazy ass doesn't mean much to their kid.

I certainly don't share the view that daycare in any way harms a child, but of course women are going to be defensive when the OP calls them lunatics and is basically condescending. If everyone is so secure in their choices, who cares about the naysayers? I certainly don't. Work, don't work, I really don't care. Doesn't affect me at all. Your kids are your responsibility. Not mine.

[Anonymous]

Can you please quote the OP using the work lunatic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am always surprised how much confidence women who have quit work have that their husbands are really going to stay married to them. With the divorce rate around 50%, I'd have to be a total lunatic to make myself so dependent on him. SAHMs, do you ever have doubts or anxiety about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Thank you for mansplaining!

How about "both parents still want a parent at home after school" as a reason for someone to still stay home? It amazes me that people are so wed to a paycheck that they think everyone should work even when they don't have to.

So. Does your husband only work the exact hours he needs to survive... or is he so wedded to a paycheck that he works more hours, away from his children, raised by a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am always surprised how much confidence women who have quit work have that their husbands are really going to stay married to them. With the divorce rate around 50%, I'd have to be a total lunatic to make myself so dependent on him. SAHMs, do you ever have doubts or anxiety about this?

Second to last sentence, in the middle. That is where you will find the world "lunatic"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man and cannot speak for any women on this forum and their experience, but I can relate my mother's experience.

I recently asked her how old my brother was - he was the youngest of us - was when she went back to work. My mother was an RN and she worked at least part-time until my brother was born. My father was military and later a civilian lawyer.

She said she went back to work full-time when my brother was about 10 and the motivating factor was that a neighbor two doors down was widowed and left with virtually nothing and had to start at the bottom in terms of building up experience and a career.

So, she decided to go back to work full-time to be in the workforce and to be able to provide for herself independent of my father.

My parents were married for 45 years until my father's death, but my mother never ever regretted going back to work.

There is really no reason, especially after the kids reach full-time school age, for SAHM's to stay home, especially if they are educated and can work. Of course, this does not account for parents dealing with SNs or otherwise handicapped children.

Guess your family wasn't familiar with the concept of life insurance? Your mom probably just wanted to return to work.

And glad I'm not your wife if you always think your way is the right way.