I'm in a submissive, traditional marriage. AMA

[Anonymous]

OP, do you and your husband have any hobbies that you pursue together? Do you go on dates? Did you have a honeymoon? How did you meet?

[Anonymous]

What does your DH want for any daughters you may have? Does he think their role will also be traditional wives and moms or will he encourage them to pursue anything he'd want his sons to pursue?

What if a daughter said she wanted a profession that's really tough and male oriented -- say she wanted to go to West Point. How do you think you and DH would react?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

She cannot make a decision and got married early in life, went from daddy to making her decisions, to husband making her decisions. Her transition would not be seamless. Being a single mom takes more strength and resolve than the average person. One who is never allowed an independent thought or decision is not going to transition well at all.

How is someone who cannot even spend $10 without consult first going to navigate single motherhood?

That sounds pretty elitist and dismissive. It sounds like she's a very attentive mom IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its seem to me that some people on here are also abusing you emotionally. My fist marrige was like yours I was not allowed to have friends etc and every time I did I heard about it for days and it was just not worth the battle. Then one day I asked myself is this all there is .
I saw my children might think is was ok and it was not. I could not do it alone so I stepped out of my element as got help. I was filled with guilt about taking care of my own needs. Anyway ended up leaving him and remarried and do as I please never again will I give up me and who I am for another

I'm sorry for all you went through and glad you are happy now.
I am allowed to have friends. It's perfectly fine to have friends over or meet someone, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of your 4 kids, how many girls? Do you intend for them to go to college? What if they come to you and say they want a demanding profession -- investment banking, biglaw, medicine -- etc. Will you be okay with that or would you discourage it and talk to them about how it's better for them to be "traditional" wives and moms and leave those profession to the men? I know you said you'd love them, but would you SUPPORT them -- i.e. tell them to go for it; be there for them in the times they complain and want to give up without saying "I told you to just marry a dr. instead of being one."

We have three girls. If they want to go to college they certainly can. If they want to become a doctor or banker that's fine. I want them to do what feels fulfilling to them. My younger sister decided she didn't want to get married until she was at least 30 and became a physician's assistant. I was completely supportive of her and would be the same if one of my daughters wanted to do something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP where are you from? And is there anything you wish you could do but can't? Do you love your husband?

I'm from upstate NY, near Albany. Yes, I wish I could drive stick more smoothly. DH tried to teach me but it never took. Also, I wish I could BBQ better. Yes, I love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to ask his approval to buy clothes for yourself? Does he need to approve the kind of clothes you buy?

It's very infrequent, but generally I will let him know there's a hole in my most often worn shoes or whatever the case is, and he'll suggest I replace them.

OMG THIS IS SUCH A TROLL why is everyone going along with this?? NOBODY acts like this willingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you and your husband have any hobbies that you pursue together? Do you go on dates? Did you have a honeymoon? How did you meet?

To be honest, with four small children we don't often have time for hobbies. We will do yard work together. For a while my sister was living very close by to us and she would babysit so we could go on dates. We honeymooned in Niagara Falls and Canada. We met because his mother was one of my teachers in 12th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH want for any daughters you may have? Does he think their role will also be traditional wives and moms or will he encourage them to pursue anything he'd want his sons to pursue?

What if a daughter said she wanted a profession that's really tough and male oriented -- say she wanted to go to West Point. How do you think you and DH would react?

I think it's way too early to predict what they'll grow up and want to do.

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have and who decides/decided how many?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you and your husband have any hobbies that you pursue together? Do you go on dates? Did you have a honeymoon? How did you meet?

To be honest, with four small children we don't often have time for hobbies. We will do yard work together. For a while my sister was living very close by to us and she would babysit so we could go on dates. We honeymooned in Niagara Falls and Canada. We met because his mother was one of my teachers in 12th grade.

Was this in the United States or another country?

[Anonymous]

What does you DH do for a living? Military?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you and your husband have any hobbies that you pursue together? Do you go on dates? Did you have a honeymoon? How did you meet?

To be honest, with four small children we don't often have time for hobbies. We will do yard work together. For a while my sister was living very close by to us and she would babysit so we could go on dates. We honeymooned in Niagara Falls and Canada. We met because his mother was one of my teachers in 12th grade.

Was this in the United States or another country?

Here, in the US. I stayed after school for a club and he went to the school to drop something off to his mom/my teacher. Then my car wouldn't start so he saw that, fixed it and then followed me home to make sure I got there safely. That's how we met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does you DH do for a living? Military?

He works in IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

Actually I know someone just like the OP. She is a ministers wife and is the neck and he is the head. They are piss poor and have no such safety net. Apparently God will provide, which translates to they will need donations from the church and family will prop them up.

Private Whole-Life and private disability are for the wealthy. OP doesn't even have an extra 10 bucks.

BTW, we have WL and Disability, we have a 2M policy. If I never had a career, I would still be uneasy. It's not so easy to get by on 2M for 20-40 years, especially if you have 4 kids.

Hubby should have insurance from work unless he picks cotton. Who typically doesn't have that in a benefits package these days and in this area? Should we assume OP has never balanced a checkbook? She said she was in a conventional marriage, not that she is barefoot, pregnant and living under a rock.

How much coverage do you think employers have?

Death is not always instant, which is exactly why private is the way to go if you can afford it. My friends DH just died of brain cancer at 36, two kids left behind. Had to leave his job. Took him over a year to die. Even if not, most employer based policies would be a pittance for a single mom of 4 kids. Luckily my friend worked and was able to carry the health insurance for his treatment, but despite health insurance and her employment, his treatment and subsequent funeral left her in severe debt and I'm talking people here who HAD a combined HHI of 300K+, until half of that went away and massive end of life medical expenses piled up.

Now she is a single mom with two kids who are not old enough to be home alone. She works and has to pay for after care, which is worse financially than being a two income home with a SAHM.