I'm in a submissive, traditional marriage. AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your family own a home and a car? Is your name on the deed/title for those assets? Does your husband save money for your retirement?

What would happen if you had a serious difference of opinion in a parenting matter? Would he get the final say? Would you still give him the final say if it was, to you, a safety issue?

Yes, my name is also on our assets. He set up a spousal IRA for me years ago.
We have had serious differences of opinion a few times. Sometimes I've gotten my way; sometimes he's gotten his. But again it's only happened a few times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to ask before spending money?

Do either of you have separate interests or spend time with friends separately?

DH would be very upset if I left the house without money, in case of an emergency. Yes, I tell him before I'm going to spend any more than $10 on something. We do have some separate interests. Yes, we have time with friends without each other. I am a stay at home mother so I will get together with other women during the day.

You need permission to spend more than $10? thats bonkers unless you all are truly poor.
Can you give actual examples of things you have had to submit on because you and hour husband disagreed? how did that make you feel in the long run? was he ultimately right about the decision? Do you feel like you are belittled since you get to make only decisions pertaining to the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:troll.

+1!!

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't this be in the explicit forum?

[Anonymous]

This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to ask before spending money?

Do either of you have separate interests or spend time with friends separately?

DH would be very upset if I left the house without money, in case of an emergency. Yes, I tell him before I'm going to spend any more than $10 on something. We do have some separate interests. Yes, we have time with friends without each other. I am a stay at home mother so I will get together with other women during the day.

You need permission to spend more than $10? thats bonkers unless you all are truly poor.
Can you give actual examples of things you have had to submit on because you and hour husband disagreed? how did that make you feel in the long run? was he ultimately right about the decision? Do you feel like you are belittled since you get to make only decisions pertaining to the kids?

We don't have a lot of extra spending money laying around. DH goes through most weeks without spending money on anything that's not in the need category.
We went to NYC once and he insisted it was okay to be in the taxis without the babies being in car seats. I was very upset.
No, I don't feel belittled. He listens to my opinion on various things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to ask before spending money?

Do either of you have separate interests or spend time with friends separately?

DH would be very upset if I left the house without money, in case of an emergency. Yes, I tell him before I'm going to spend any more than $10 on something. We do have some separate interests. Yes, we have time with friends without each other. I am a stay at home mother so I will get together with other women during the day.

Any more than $10? So you have to get your DH's approval any time you buy groceries? Get gas for your car? Go out to lunch with a friend?

Those are all things we would discuss the night before. We generally go food shopping on weekends. So on Wednesday or Thursday when we run out of milk I'll get more without running that by him. If I want to take one of the kids out for frozen yogurt after school I won't discuss that ahead of time.

In general this sounds completely exhausting... for your husband. I am pretty sure my husband does NOT want final say in the majority of our decisions, he prefers that we decide together. Two heads better than one and all that.

No shit! As a SAHM, one of the benefits is that I do all of that stuff during the week. Who wants to go to a grocery store on a weekend unless you HAVE to. Maybe OP is not allowed to drive.

I am allowed to drive. But going to the grocery store with several small children is difficult by myself. Easier to go with a second adult. If we go after DH gets home from work during the week then bedtime for the children would be pushed back.

Is this what you do with your family for fun on the weekends? Why would an entire family go to a grocery store together? I cook all meals at home and have 3 boys. I can shop for the whole family in 45min when alone. I can't imagine what would compel all 5 of us to go to the store. If I'm left shopping on a weekend I go alone. Is you husband unable to "babysit" the kids for an hour?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Some women are natural caregivers.

Fixed that for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster alone with my cats than have the OPs life. You can take that to the bank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

It's also incredibly vulnerable for the woman and her children if the man decides he no longer wants that, becomes disabled or drops dead. Don't blame the women for opting out of a rigged game.

[Anonymous]

Do you have to ask his approval to buy clothes for yourself? Does he need to approve the kind of clothes you buy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to ask before spending money?

Do either of you have separate interests or spend time with friends separately?

DH would be very upset if I left the house without money, in case of an emergency. Yes, I tell him before I'm going to spend any more than $10 on something. We do have some separate interests. Yes, we have time with friends without each other. I am a stay at home mother so I will get together with other women during the day.

Any more than $10? So you have to get your DH's approval any time you buy groceries? Get gas for your car? Go out to lunch with a friend?

Those are all things we would discuss the night before. We generally go food shopping on weekends. So on Wednesday or Thursday when we run out of milk I'll get more without running that by him. If I want to take one of the kids out for frozen yogurt after school I won't discuss that ahead of time.

In general this sounds completely exhausting... for your husband. I am pretty sure my husband does NOT want final say in the majority of our decisions, he prefers that we decide together. Two heads better than one and all that.

No shit! As a SAHM, one of the benefits is that I do all of that stuff during the week. Who wants to go to a grocery store on a weekend unless you HAVE to. Maybe OP is not allowed to drive.

I am allowed to drive. But going to the grocery store with several small children is difficult by myself. Easier to go with a second adult. If we go after DH gets home from work during the week then bedtime for the children would be pushed back.

Is this what you do with your family for fun on the weekends? Why would an entire family go to a grocery store together? I cook all meals at home and have 3 boys. I can shop for the whole family in 45min when alone. I can't imagine what would compel all 5 of us to go to the store. If I'm left shopping on a weekend I go alone. Is you husband unable to "babysit" the kids for an hour?

I'm glad you found something that works for you. We are doing what works for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have to ask before spending money?

Do either of you have separate interests or spend time with friends separately?

DH would be very upset if I left the house without money, in case of an emergency. Yes, I tell him before I'm going to spend any more than $10 on something. We do have some separate interests. Yes, we have time with friends without each other. I am a stay at home mother so I will get together with other women during the day.

Any more than $10? So you have to get your DH's approval any time you buy groceries? Get gas for your car? Go out to lunch with a friend?

Those are all things we would discuss the night before. We generally go food shopping on weekends. So on Wednesday or Thursday when we run out of milk I'll get more without running that by him. If I want to take one of the kids out for frozen yogurt after school I won't discuss that ahead of time.

In general this sounds completely exhausting... for your husband. I am pretty sure my husband does NOT want final say in the majority of our decisions, he prefers that we decide together. Two heads better than one and all that.

No shit! As a SAHM, one of the benefits is that I do all of that stuff during the week. Who wants to go to a grocery store on a weekend unless you HAVE to. Maybe OP is not allowed to drive.

I am allowed to drive. But going to the grocery store with several small children is difficult by myself. Easier to go with a second adult. If we go after DH gets home from work during the week then bedtime for the children would be pushed back.

Is this what you do with your family for fun on the weekends? Why would an entire family go to a grocery store together? I cook all meals at home and have 3 boys. I can shop for the whole family in 45min when alone. I can't imagine what would compel all 5 of us to go to the store. If I'm left shopping on a weekend I go alone. Is you husband unable to "babysit" the kids for an hour?

I'm glad you found something that works for you. We are doing what works for us.

So your husband can't babysit? Or do the kids have to be asleep before you can leave?

[Anonymous]

Can you decline sex? Do you decline sex?

[Anonymous]

How many kids?