I'm in a submissive, traditional marriage. AMA

[Anonymous]

^^or somene who is scared to drive at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

Except she never has to make any decisions for herself. It's a skill that needs to be practiced. If someone else is making all of your decisions for you, you lose that ability to think for yourself, and it can be overwhelming when confronted with important choices in life.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think you are prepared (as much as possible) for the chance that you may have to raise the children alone? Financially, emotionally, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you are prepared (as much as possible) for the chance that you may have to raise the children alone? Financially, emotionally, etc.

Yes, as much as any other long-term stay at home mom is.

[Anonymous]

What if you do or buy something without his approval? Like bindulging in something for yourself or for the family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you think you are prepared (as much as possible) for the chance that you may have to raise the children alone? Financially, emotionally, etc.

Yes, as much as any other long-term stay at home mom is.

But most SAHM's I know don't consider themselves "submissive." Which is why PP asked if you are emotionally prepared.

[Anonymous]

It bugs me that this thread has turned into a discussion about the long-term financial perils of being a SAHP rather than looking at the dynamics of the relationship, its impact on OP and her children.

I know women who WOH and are basically in this same type of situation. The husband controls the finances (including DW's paycheck) and makes all of the major decisions. In none of those cases are the couples fundamentalist Christians. Two are ultra Orthodox Jewish women whose husbands don't work and one is an Ethiopian Muslim woman.

This is OP's choice, but I wonder how it is impacting the socio-emotional development of her sons and daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It bugs me that this thread has turned into a discussion about the long-term financial perils of being a SAHP rather than looking at the dynamics of the relationship, its impact on OP and her children.

I know women who WOH and are basically in this same type of situation. The husband controls the finances (including DW's paycheck) and makes all of the major decisions. In none of those cases are the couples fundamentalist Christians. Two are ultra Orthodox Jewish women whose husbands don't work and one is an Ethiopian Muslim woman.

This is OP's choice, but I wonder how it is impacting the socio-emotional development of her sons and daughters.

Agreed. Being in controlling relationships spans all types of people, employed or unemployed alike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does "submissive, traditional" marriage mean? Does this mean that you do not work outside the home? Does it mean that your husband gets to make all the decisions about everything? Are you allowed to drive a car? Are you allowed to decline sex?

I thought it meant they're into S&M, but apparently not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you do or buy something without his approval? Like bindulging in something for yourself or for the family?

Well I wouldn't do that. There's just no reason to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you do or buy something without his approval? Like bindulging in something for yourself or for the family?

Well I wouldn't do that. There's just no reason to.

The number of people taking this thread seriously is making me question the intelligence of the general DCUM community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you do or buy something without his approval? Like bindulging in something for yourself or for the family?

Well I wouldn't do that. There's just no reason to.

The number of people taking this thread seriously is making me question the intelligence of the general DCUM community.

I'm simply not so impulsive that anything I'd want to indulge in couldn't wait until I talked it over with my husband. I can't imagine thinking "Oh, I need to buy this sweater RIGHT NOW."

[Anonymous]

Ugghh...thread is ridiculously boring.

[Anonymous]

I'm married to a Saudi Arab who comes from possibly the least woman-empowered place on earth.

I am here to tell you that women in most traditional, conventional Saudi marriages have way, way more power than what the OP describes.

[Anonymous]

What I'm trying to say is that what she describes is traditional to very few people.