I'm in a submissive, traditional marriage. AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

It was not an "arrangement" for thousands of years, in many cultures (not all) men had absolute authority of their wives, just the same as if she were cattle. It was a relationship of dominance, authority, and dependance. OF COURSE a woman could never leave her DH. Throughout history many women never even had a choice of who her captor was going to be …er I mean husband. Women in these roles are like children. Can a child leave an abusive parent? No, they are dependent. They have no choice, but to put up and shut up.

I'm sure this worked beautifully for the majority of the male population, however the SECOND women got a chance to break out of the chains, in a mass exodus we were out.

<b>Thank God I live in a day and age where I and only I am responsible for my own survival and welfare </b>and there is accountability for men's treatment of women.

BTW, you do not have to be submissive to be feminine, support your man, rear children and manage a household. I do that quite well in partnership with my DH. Not sure why you think equality and femininity are mutually exclusive. Maybe you've had some bad experiences that have shaped your outlook.

Did you intend to omit your children or is it really only about you?

What are you talking about?

Who else should be responsible for my survival and welfare? My children? You make no sense.

[Anonymous]

I think people like the OP is probably married to someone like that crazy "tib" that was posting last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

[Anonymous]

Its seem to me that some people on here are also abusing you emotionally. My fist marrige was like yours I was not allowed to have friends etc and every time I did I heard about it for days and it was just not worth the battle. Then one day I asked myself is this all there is .
I saw my children might think is was ok and it was not. I could not do it alone so I stepped out of my element as got help. I was filled with guilt about taking care of my own needs. Anyway ended up leaving him and remarried and do as I please never again will I give up me and who I am for another

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

It was not an "arrangement" for thousands of years, in many cultures (not all) men had absolute authority of their wives, just the same as if she were cattle. It was a relationship of dominance, authority, and dependance. OF COURSE a woman could never leave her DH. Throughout history many women never even had a choice of who her captor was going to be …er I mean husband. Women in these roles are like children. Can a child leave an abusive parent? No, they are dependent. They have no choice, but to put up and shut up.

I'm sure this worked beautifully for the majority of the male population, however the SECOND women got a chance to break out of the chains, in a mass exodus we were out.

<b>Thank God I live in a day and age where I and only I am responsible for my own survival and welfare </b>and there is accountability for men's treatment of women.

BTW, you do not have to be submissive to be feminine, support your man, rear children and manage a household. I do that quite well in partnership with my DH. Not sure why you think equality and femininity are mutually exclusive. Maybe you've had some bad experiences that have shaped your outlook.

Did you intend to omit your children or is it really only about you?

What are you talking about?

Who else should be responsible for my survival and welfare? My children? You make no sense.

Then who is responsible for your children's welfare, if not their father and YOU? And please don't tell me "it takes a village."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

Actually I know someone just like the OP. She is a ministers wife and is the neck and he is the head. They are piss poor and have no such safety net. Apparently God will provide, which translates to they will need donations from the church and family will prop them up.

Private Whole-Life and private disability are for the wealthy. OP doesn't even have an extra 10 bucks.

BTW, we have WL and Disability, we have a 2M policy. If I never had a career, I would still be uneasy. It's not so easy to get by on 2M for 20-40 years, especially if you have 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

Except you have to make a LOT of decisions in life, and it's hard for any married woman to "seamlessly transition" to making all the decisions herself if she's used to having a partner. Ask any widow--no matter how independent you were, it's hard to suddenly be completely responsible for everything. I imagine it's that much harder for a woman who has relied on her husband to make the decisions. I have to think that someone in this day and age who would seek out this type of marital arrangement is the kind of person who doesn't like making decisions or being accountable, and after avoiding responsibility for years, she will be in a lot of trouble if her husband dies (especially if he dies when the kids are still at home), even if she has enough money in the bank to support the family. It takes work to inform yourself about options, to formulate and defend an opinion, to stand up for yourself, and to make tough choices. A woman in a "submissive" marriage avoids doing that work. If something happened to her husband, the transition to productive, independent adulthood could be very tough on her and on the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

It was not an "arrangement" for thousands of years, in many cultures (not all) men had absolute authority of their wives, just the same as if she were cattle. It was a relationship of dominance, authority, and dependance. OF COURSE a woman could never leave her DH. Throughout history many women never even had a choice of who her captor was going to be …er I mean husband. Women in these roles are like children. Can a child leave an abusive parent? No, they are dependent. They have no choice, but to put up and shut up.

I'm sure this worked beautifully for the majority of the male population, however the SECOND women got a chance to break out of the chains, in a mass exodus we were out.

<b>Thank God I live in a day and age where I and only I am responsible for my own survival and welfare </b>and there is accountability for men's treatment of women.

BTW, you do not have to be submissive to be feminine, support your man, rear children and manage a household. I do that quite well in partnership with my DH. Not sure why you think equality and femininity are mutually exclusive. Maybe you've had some bad experiences that have shaped your outlook.

Did you intend to omit your children or is it really only about you?

What are you talking about?

Who else should be responsible for my survival and welfare? My children? You make no sense.

Then who is responsible for your children's welfare, if not their father and YOU? And please don't tell me "it takes a village."

I still do not understand what in the heck you are talking about. Of course I'm responsible for my children and so is my DH. What are you talking villages about? My post was about depravity of ancient gender roles. Not child welfare.

Your question does not relate back to my posting at all. It is like me responding to you with:

Why did your dog shit on the neighbors lawn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the age difference between you and your DH? You say you were young when you married -- did your parents hand over "authority" of you to an equally young person because he was a man or is he much older and more experienced than you?

Dh is 3 years older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How many kids?

We have four.

Did you or he want them, or both? Will you have more? Are you on antidepressants? Do you get tired of playing the "good wife" role? Are you educated? Do you work? What do you do full time?

We both wanted a big family. Not sure if we'll have one more or not. I'm not on anti-depressants. I don't feel like I'm playing a role. I have an associates degree. Full time I take care of our children and house.

[Anonymous]

Of your 4 kids, how many girls? Do you intend for them to go to college? What if they come to you and say they want a demanding profession -- investment banking, biglaw, medicine -- etc. Will you be okay with that or would you discourage it and talk to them about how it's better for them to be "traditional" wives and moms and leave those profession to the men? I know you said you'd love them, but would you SUPPORT them -- i.e. tell them to go for it; be there for them in the times they complain and want to give up without saying "I told you to just marry a dr. instead of being one."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

She cannot make a decision and got married early in life, went from daddy to making her decisions, to husband making her decisions. Her transition would not be seamless. Being a single mom takes more strength and resolve than the average person. One who is never allowed an independent thought or decision is not going to transition well at all.

How is someone who cannot even spend $10 without consult first going to navigate single motherhood?

[Anonymous]

OP where are you from? And is there anything you wish you could do but can't? Do you love your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This type of gender balanced arrangement worked beautifully for thousands of years. No wonder there are so many broken homes today. Women are natural caregivers.

Devoting their lives to supporting their man, rearing the children, managing the the household is both honorable and sensible.

I am quite sure OP is very happy. Instead of being snarky and jealous are her healthy, feminine role, why not take a lesson. Respect the diversity of traditional values that she has represents.

Lol! It worked well for thousands of years? For who? Take a look at Yemen and Saudi and you can peek back thousands of years and let us know how well that works for everyone.

The OPs relationship is not healthy. It is warped and so are you. Jealois? Hilarious! I'd rather be a spinster <b>alone with my cats than have the OPs life</b>. You can take that to the bank.

You might just join their ranks one day if you can't distinguish between human rights violations in places like Yemen, and a healthy relationship defined by natural gender roles molded by generations of biological, social and evolutionary norms.

Sharia law=traditional gender roles, going back thousands of years. It was never a human rights violation to own your wife and do what you please until very recently THANK YOU VERY MUCH TO THE MODERN WOMAN.

Don't worry about my marriage, we are doing just fine. I did not marry a cave man. And if said husband dies or loses his job, I'm capable enough to provide for myself and my kids. That is what being a natural caregiver and supportive wife is all about.

If OP is in a traditional relationship, her DH has prepared for his death or disability through insurance, etc, because that's what a responsible, traditional MAN does. She has already demonstrated she has the skills to manage the rest without him provided he has secured their financial future. Again, you diminish her role. Obviously, it wouldn't work for you. That's clear. But she is especially capable of seamlessly transitioning to a Single parent caregiver because she has focused her entire energies on doing just that.

Actually I know someone just like the OP. She is a ministers wife and is the neck and he is the head. They are piss poor and have no such safety net. Apparently God will provide, which translates to they will need donations from the church and family will prop them up.

Private Whole-Life and private disability are for the wealthy. OP doesn't even have an extra 10 bucks.

BTW, we have WL and Disability, we have a 2M policy. If I never had a career, I would still be uneasy. It's not so easy to get by on 2M for 20-40 years, especially if you have 4 kids.

Hubby should have insurance from work unless he picks cotton. Who typically doesn't have that in a benefits package these days and in this area? Should we assume OP has never balanced a checkbook? She said she was in a conventional marriage, not that she is barefoot, pregnant and living under a rock.