Birthday invite has specific "suggested" gift item

[Anonymous]

"A lot the posts here are so extreme. The mom is horrible, the girl is a brat. What she did is a little tacky. The mom could be a very sweet person who just doesn't realize how it's perceived. God knows I've done some things in the past I shudder about now. I hope people didn't judge me in extreme terms and completely dismiss me as a human being for it. "

Agree. These posts make me worried about whether more people out here are this uptight and nasty. I honestly would have appreciated seeing that Susie would like a teapot on the invite. I would have thought good, now I know what to get her. I would never have read it as a demand for a teapot or an offensive action. If I had something else in mind that I thought she would like or couldn't find a teapot, I would have gotten something else and not worried whether I was being passive aggressive.

My mother was always obsessed with labeling what other people did as tacky. If she could figure out the Internet, I would have thought some of the posts came from her! I learned overtime that is not a very nice approach to life. After I left for college, I thankfully never heard the "tacky!tacky!" thing for 20 years until I became a mom and starting talking with other moms.

Its amusing that some of the rudest posters are convinced that this poor little girl must be or is destined to be a brat because her mom put the gift on the invite. Who is more likely to grow up with little respect for others..the girl with invite problem or the girl with the mom screaming about the invite and boycotting a preschoolers party?

[Anonymous]

the point is:

nobody knows if the mom asked the girl to put a wish list together
nobody knows if the mom asked the girl to put a guest list together

you can give the girl whatever
you can give the girl the damn tea set (crappy or not)
you can chose not to attend

all that matters is WILL YOU COME TO THE MOM AND TELL HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER ATTITUDE?

I bet 1% of us would be that honest.

Everybody is so brave and shows so much emotion when hidden behind the "anonymous" tittle...
When we have to face the situation very few of us keep being so brave.

[Anonymous]

You probably wouldn't get a thank you card for the gift!

[Anonymous]

all that matters is WILL YOU COME TO THE MOM AND TELL HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER ATTITUDE?

I bet 1% of us would be that honest.

Everybody is so brave and shows so much emotion when hidden behind the "anonymous" tittle...
When we have to face the situation very few of us keep being so brave.

Of course most people wouldn't tell the mom they think it's tacky. You know what is ruder and tackier than requesting a gift? Telling someone that they are rude and tacky. Do you seriously think that telling the mom that is the "honest" thing to do? Of course not. It would be mean. The most polite thing to do is decide whether you still want to come, politely RSVP either way, and if you go, get the child whatever gift you think is appropriate. Calling Mom and saying, "You sure are tacky" is the worst possible option.

[Anonymous]

oh so it's not polite to tell people politely that you think they're wrong?

I was taught that it's ok to tell people how you feel about them if you're polite and if you think what they're doing is wrong.

[Anonymous]

No, in this case it is not polite. It is never polite to tell someone that they have bad manners, even if they do.

[Anonymous]

oh wow...
another proof that manners are cultural...

living and learning.

[Anonymous]

I would be grateful that I can just go to the store, pick-up a tea set within my budget and be done with it. I don't want to spend a ton of time trying to figure out what the b-day girl wants. I think it is even tackier to NOT go to this little kids party because of this.

[Anonymous]

The take away is not that it is easier for us as buyers. It is that she is teaching her DD to be a gift begger. HORRIBLE. It is not our job to chastise the mom or the daughter...but my heavens. It is not good. This little girl will be THAT kid in school, and then the bridezilla, and the another horrid mom writing "teapot" on an invite. Hmmm, maybe someone SHOULD talk to her. Stop the cycle. Can Ms. Post stop by the party?

Now THAT would be funny.

[Anonymous]

"is that she is teaching her DD to be a gift begger. HORRIBLE."

I don't think so. I just wouldn't have interpreted it as a gift command but a nice way to let me know what she would like to receive. Call me crazy but how you view this seems to depend on your own cultural etiquette expectations. The moms who are raising their kids to be appauled at something less probably are going to end up with the bridezillas.

My husbands family always send emails and calls to let you know specifically what they would like for Christmas. In fact, there is one member or actually organizes a list..its a large family and they put a dollar limit on gifts. They aren't gift beggers just ultra organized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"is that she is teaching her DD to be a gift begger. HORRIBLE."


My husbands family always send emails and calls to let you know specifically what they would like for Christmas. In fact, there is one member or actually organizes a list..its a large family and they put a dollar limit on gifts. They aren't gift beggers just ultra organized.

The problem I have with this is that the underlying assumption is that they are entitled to a gift in the first place. The decision on what to get should be the gift givers alone. If the person then chooses to ask what you would like then ok.

[Anonymous]

"The problem I have with this is that the underlying assumption is that they are entitled to a gift in the first place. The decision on what to get should be the gift givers alone. If the person then chooses to ask what you would like then ok. "

Not everyone thinks that deeply about these things. The mom probably knew that most people bring gifts, knew its difficult to figure out what to get, duplicates are common and thought it would be a good way to address the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The take away is not that it is easier for us as buyers. It is that she is teaching her DD to be a gift begger. HORRIBLE. It is not our job to chastise the mom or the daughter...but my heavens. It is not good. This little girl will be THAT kid in school, and then the bridezilla, and the another horrid mom writing "teapot" on an invite. Hmmm, maybe someone SHOULD talk to her. Stop the cycle. Can Ms. Post stop by the party?

Now THAT would be funny.

Birthdays, showers, weddings, dinner parties, holidays, are all associated with gifts. In fact, weddings and showers fall in the "begging for gifts" category. But-most people put togetehr registries etc. so they get something they want, not something that will be taken back or given away. Why is it any different for a b-day party? Wouldn't it be much better for little Susie to play with her tea set and think about little Mary when she uses it as opposed to excahnging the gift for a Barbie that little Susie won't associate with Mary? I personally think the mom is doing everyone a big favor although it would have been less offensive to have a general wish list instead of one specific item listed out.

[Anonymous]

I guess the offense is in the eye of the beholder. Some may see this as the ultimate tacky and rude thing. Others see this as a helpful suggestion.

Gift registeries or wish lists are not common for birthday parties - so I understand why some people would view this negatively. But, as another PP mentioned, it is not unlike a gift registery for a shower or wedding. I personally like it when people make their registeries available. While gifts are not required - it is customary to give one - so I like getting a little guidance about what to give.

[Anonymous]

talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill...
it's ironic that in this discussion about tackiness and rudeness, the tackiest rudest responses are the ones most vehemently "pro manners." what a joke.