Birthday invite has specific "suggested" gift item

[Anonymous]

Tacky, yes. But I would go ahead and get the kid the damn tea set despite the fact that mom is tactless. It's affordable and a nice toy for using ones imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Me, calling to RSVP: "Hi Mom, I'm calling to say Kid would love to come to Boy's party."

Mom: "Great, Boy is looking forward to it a lot."

Me: "Say, is there anything in particular that Boy is really into these days? Like robots, Star Wars, pirates ....?"

Mom: "Well, whatever you think would be fun." (note, 1st response deflects)

Me: "Well I was thinking of something having to do with pirates, since My Kid loves pirates so much?"

Mom: "That sounds really great. Boy also loves Hot Wheels, I know he plays Hot Wheels with Your Kid when they're over here ...."

Me: "Perfect, I'll see you Saturday at 1 then."

Mom: "Great! Bye bye."


Not reality. We work so any calls during the day go to voicemail and we turn the phone ringer off at 7:30 to not wake the baby. On weekends, we are usually outside in the backyard, have relatives over, or go do things with the kids. I honestly have never picked up the phone with another live mom on the other end. Same goes for the moms I call.

Some of the etiquette attitudes just do not reflect changing society and the way people do and can spend their time. I wish we would focus more on just being nice to each other, inclusive, and putting the kids first.

I'm not the one who suggested the script, but I respectfully dissagree, and think it is very possible in reality and a good way to handle it, at least in my reality. If it can't be done on the phone, it could be done via email, text, or IM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Me, calling to RSVP: "Hi Mom, I'm calling to say Kid would love to come to Boy's party."

Mom: "Great, Boy is looking forward to it a lot."

Me: "Say, is there anything in particular that Boy is really into these days? Like robots, Star Wars, pirates ....?"

Mom: "Well, whatever you think would be fun." (note, 1st response deflects)

Me: "Well I was thinking of something having to do with pirates, since My Kid loves pirates so much?"

Mom: "That sounds really great. Boy also loves Hot Wheels, I know he plays Hot Wheels with Your Kid when they're over here ...."

Me: "Perfect, I'll see you Saturday at 1 then."

Mom: "Great! Bye bye."


Not reality. We work so any calls during the day go to voicemail and we turn the phone ringer off at 7:30 to not wake the baby. On weekends, we are usually outside in the backyard, have relatives over, or go do things with the kids. I honestly have never picked up the phone with another live mom on the other end. Same goes for the moms I call.

Some of the etiquette attitudes just do not reflect changing society and the way people do and can spend their time. I wish we would focus more on just being nice to each other, inclusive, and putting the kids first.

Not original dialogue writer, but try this ...

Me explaining to son that we are going to buy bday present for bday boy: We are going to the toy store to buy Bday boy a present something he would like. We are not buying any presents for you. You have X amount to spend. What do you think he would like?

Son: I think he would like a Thomas Train.

Me: That's funny, because I know that YOU like Thomas Trains. Are you sure that bday boy likes them? What other things does he like?

Son: Guns. He likes guns.

Me: Well, I'm sorry but I don't know if bday boy's Mom likes guns. Because not all parents like guns, it's our family rule never to give weapons as birthday presents (or Barbies, no flames please). What do you play at school/playdate with bday boy?

Son: We played with legos.

Me: That sounds great. Does he like to run around on the playground? Maybe he would like Stomprockets?


Honestly, I think one can just assume that any kid not old enough to talk about it, is little enough to be exposed to a broad range of toys. Ask the salesperson at the store what they like or what's been popular. Why is there so much angst about getting the perfect thing? Why is there so much anger about not getting exactly what one wants? Whatever happened to the book that sat on the shelf for three months until it was finally read reluctantly and turned out to be a favorite? Or the new toy that you never would have bought, but actually turned out to be fantastic? That's all what I call being a little kinder to others (and to ourselves). All of this is part of the social learning of growing up.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. Who cares?

but poor kid! Imagine what they'll be doing in the future. "The birthday girl would like to take ballet lessons."

[Anonymous]

"How about a brief statement at the bottom of the invite - "No gifts please".
Seeing all the beleagured responses of parents complaining about having to return the duplicate gifts your DC receives or how many birthday parties your DC attends and thus the parent has the hassle of finding the right gift - it makes me wonder. "

I really, really wanted to do this but there was a thread a few months back condemning parents who sent no gift requests. There was the whole its tacky, its rude, shouldn't you bring a gift anyway list of responses. Some people are very into the gift and thank you card thing. I'm trying to have a controversy free bday party so left off the no gifts but I completely agree with you that no gifts are better.

We invited the entire class because I think it would be awful to leave out a little kid. At the same time, I am dreading 20 gifts for my DD who already has too much stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I wouldn't get a tea set, but I would WANT to get the most hideous, garish, terrible tea set I could find. I just wouldn't have the nerve to actually do it. "

Are you nuts? Everyone has a right to get their knickers in knot about something silly every once in awhile. I think its called having a pet peeve, perhaps this could be yours? You can complain to your friends and stew but to boycott a kid's party or buy something ugly???

Huh? Maybe I am nuts, because I don't understand this post at all. Read closely: I said I *wouldn't* buy the ugly tea set, and I didn't say anything about boycotting the party. But I also wouldn't buy something the parents directed me to buy. I don't see why that warrants being called "nuts," so nuts to you.

[Anonymous]

Yuck. Miss Manners would be distressed. I am too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"How about a brief statement at the bottom of the invite - "No gifts please".
Seeing all the beleagured responses of parents complaining about having to return the duplicate gifts your DC receives or how many birthday parties your DC attends and thus the parent has the hassle of finding the right gift - it makes me wonder. "

I really, really wanted to do this but there was a thread a few months back condemning parents who sent no gift requests. There was the whole its tacky, its rude, shouldn't you bring a gift anyway list of responses. Some people are very into the gift and thank you card thing. I'm trying to have a controversy free bday party so left off the no gifts but I completely agree with you that no gifts are better.

I don't think it's tacky, but I didn't have the backbone to stick with it once DD was four and getting invited to parties where the birthday kid was deluged with presents. For the first couple of parties, "no gifts" worked just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Me, calling to RSVP: "Hi Mom, I'm calling to say Kid would love to come to Boy's party."

Mom: "Great, Boy is looking forward to it a lot."

Me: "Say, is there anything in particular that Boy is really into these days? Like robots, Star Wars, pirates ....?"

Mom: "Well, whatever you think would be fun." (note, 1st response deflects)

Me: "Well I was thinking of something having to do with pirates, since My Kid loves pirates so much?"

Mom: "That sounds really great. Boy also loves Hot Wheels, I know he plays Hot Wheels with Your Kid when they're over here ...."

Me: "Perfect, I'll see you Saturday at 1 then."

Mom: "Great! Bye bye."


Not reality. We work so any calls during the day go to voicemail and we turn the phone ringer off at 7:30 to not wake the baby. On weekends, we are usually outside in the backyard, have relatives over, or go do things with the kids. I honestly have never picked up the phone with another live mom on the other end. Same goes for the moms I call.

Some of the etiquette attitudes just do not reflect changing society and the way people do and can spend their time. I wish we would focus more on just being nice to each other, inclusive, and putting the kids first.

I absolutely agree that etiquette for etiquette's sake is silly; I don't care much about thank you notes, etc. But the idea that requesting a particular gift on a birthday child's behalf is nice, inclusive, or about "putting the kids first" is ridiculous.

It certainly isn't nice -- nice would be inviting guests to a party in a way that doesn't suggest their attendance is merely a conveyance for a gift.

It certainly isn't inclusive -- inclusive would be inviting guests in a way that suggests any gift (or no gift) is welcome and appreciated.

And it certainly isn't putting the kids first -- a birthday party is about celebrating with friends, not making mom and dad's life easier by ensuring the kid doesn't get duplicate or unwanted gifts.

[Anonymous]

Give the little brat a tea set and her mother an etiquette book.

[Anonymous]

Giving gifts is fun and so is receiving them. I don't like the 'no gift' idea. I also don't like not opening gifts at parties. These things can be awkward but we have to learn to navigate awkward situations in life, not just say "i'm going to avoid that altogether instead of dealing with a bit of awkwardness."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving gifts is fun and so is receiving them. I don't like the 'no gift' idea. I also don't like not opening gifts at parties. These things can be awkward but we have to learn to navigate awkward situations in life, not just say "i'm going to avoid that altogether instead of dealing with a bit of awkwardness."

This is some twisted logic right here. Life is awkward sometimes, so let's introduce a completely non-necessary awkward situation just for the sake of teaching the kids a lesson!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Giving gifts is fun and so is receiving them. I don't like the 'no gift' idea. I also don't like not opening gifts at parties. These things can be awkward but we have to learn to navigate awkward situations in life, not just say "i'm going to avoid that altogether instead of dealing with a bit of awkwardness."

This is some twisted logic right here. Life is awkward sometimes, so let's introduce a completely non-necessary awkward situation just for the sake of teaching the kids a lesson!

We're not talking about introducing a situation, we're talking about doing away with one. Giving gifts at birthday parties has been around since the dinosaurs -- or at least since I was a kid. I think we can all deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Giving gifts is fun and so is receiving them. I don't like the 'no gift' idea. I also don't like not opening gifts at parties. These things can be awkward but we have to learn to navigate awkward situations in life, not just say "i'm going to avoid that altogether instead of dealing with a bit of awkwardness."

Oh grow up.

An awkward moment in life is going to a restaurant and running in to your father and some woman not your mother having an intimate dinner.

An awkward moment is NOT teaching your child that they must give a gift to show their appreciation for someone or they risk being considered a party pooper.

Seriously, I am NOT going to tell my child to man up and accept birthday gifts for the sake of appeasing someone else!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give the little brat a tea set and her mother an etiquette book.

Mwahaahahah!