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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Birthday invite has specific "suggested" gift item
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Anonymous
| I think it is tacky but you have to put it in context. Is the mother generally a nice person or is she grasping, greedy, horrible person? To give her the benefit of the doubt, she may have really been trying to make your life easier and thought she was doing something helpful without realizing that this violates the "rules." In other words, I would consider the underlying intent. I am a big believer in manners and etiquette but try not to put form over substance. I'd rather have a heartfelt "thank you" phone call for a present than a handwritten but impersonal note, for example. If you believe she had good intent, let it go. If this is typical of a larger pattern of behavior, I would consider declining the invitation. I do not, however, think it is your job to teach her some manners. |
Anonymous
I think it's also very interesting that the topic of birthday parties (invitations, gifts, thank you notes) become some of the most heated debates with 100 responses. |
Anonymous
| so if someone is talking loudly at the library is not ok to ask them to turn their volume down? |
Anonymous
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"so if someone is talking loudly at the library is not ok to ask them to turn their volume down?"
Absolutely not! Only a low class, ill bred person would say "Excuse me, could you be a bit quieter? This is the study room and their is a conversation area on the second floor." A well mannered person would shoot glaring looks, coordinate with friends about the violation and then arrange to shun the person at all future events and have their children excluded from any activity. |
Anonymous
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But the tea set or not. Then when it's your daughter's birthday, request that each child bring a wrapped book for a book exchange rather than a gift for the birthday girl (be sure to invite this friend). I've been to a party where this was done. Thought it was a fabulous idea. Everyone leaves with a gift. B-day girl had plenty from friends and family.
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Anonymous
and the person will feel excluded and never know why. the person will never have a chance to be educated and fix the behavior... is it fair? you don't need to shout SHUT UP THIS IS THE LIBRARY but just wink at the person and ask nicely... or just point the sign that says QUIET PLEASE... is it that bad? |
Anonymous
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"Then when it's your daughter's birthday, request that each child bring a wrapped book for a book exchange rather than a gift for the birthday girl (be sure to invite this friend). I've been to a party where this was done. Thought it was a fabulous idea. Everyone leaves with a gift. B-day girl had plenty from friends and family. "
This is such a cool idea! However, will the miss manners police freak out that the underlying assumption is a demand for a gift? We shouldn't give these Queen Bee moms so much power but I prefer to avoid the "tempest in the teapot" situations. For those of you screaming about etiquette, would you be cool with this or start flaming on a board? |
Anonymous
| If you want to do a book exchange, then set up a separate time and do it. A birthday party (esp. for a child) is not the appropriate time and place. |
Anonymous
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no...
b-day is time to give the children even MORE toys than they already have. humpf |
Anonymous
Wow. I am struggling to understand how your post. We really need to get a press release out because there are obviously hard and fast rules and definitions of "birthday party" that I bet most people do not know about. But seriously I plan on doing the book exchange - what a kick a__ idea to encourage our little ones to - gasp - READ rather than watch another blasted movie or tv show or wii thing. And I also think the no gifts please concept is great as well as the bring a used toy to donate to a needy child (NOT the bday kid). And if you don't want to bring your child to my child's bday party, I am certainly not going to sweat it. And don't you worry about my DD - she is and will be happy with the love and loot she gets from family and will understand that birthdays are a celebration of the chance to live life to its fullest. And before you flame away that she is only a wee one -- it is never too young to teach balance in a person's life, that charity starts at home - and I repeat, she'll get loads of loot and love from family. |
Anonymous
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PP here - I meant I am struggling to understand your post and how the book exchange is innapropriate.
(My editing cut up the sentence. :lol 
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Anonymous
| Somebody asked if it would be cool to do this, I answered what I thought, etiquette-wise, is appropriate. Do I think it is the WORST thing in the world? No. It would be better to request no gifts, then have a separate event for the book swap, so as to teach children that they can HAVE their OWN party to celebrate the day they were born, with or without gifts. But I do not think a child's bday should become an opportunity for the PARENT to decide to teach about volunteerism, etc. Someone asked, I answered. |
Anonymous
| The book exchange is a terrific idea. As my kids have gotten older, more parties have had a designated charity - you bring a gift to be donated. The birthday child is honored by the party and celebration - they don't need loot too! |
Anonymous
I actually think it is annoying to force people to shop for your designated charity. Like, it is my kid's birthday, so SOMEBODY is getting a gift. Why not just say "no gifts" and just have a party? I told people not to get me wedding gifts, and didn't feel like they would just die if I didn't provide them an alternate charitable cause for spending all the extra cash they would have lying around. If you want to take the focus off the gifts, take them out of the equation entirely. Show your child that people's company is what is valuable in life, not how much they spend in connection with an event (whether it be philanthropic or not). I trust my friends to donate money in their own ways to their own causes, and if I want to solicit for a cause, I don't use personal celebrations to do so. |
Anonymous
YES YES YES. THIS is what I have been trying to say, PP, thank you! Again, all of this is the parents doing, NOT the child. And I think that is kind of shitty. |