My friend tried to start an affair with my husband

[Anonymous]

I think she totally contradicted herself because it seemed she told your husband she wanted to start something w/him, then to you she told you she didn't. I think she is just saving face because he rejected her + she is just acting on pride now.

Anyway, how awkward must it be for you and your family now, especially that your children are playmates to live in the same building as neighbors. How long can you all live in peace?? Hopefully it is a big building and has a lot of floors, not a small building where you run into each other all the time. If so, would you be willing to move? I would if I had to see this bitch every day I went to check the mail. Because obviously her idea of checking the mail would be checking the "male" if you get my drift.

Anyway, she never was your friend, and I commend your hubby for coming clean to you. He sounds like a nice honest and decent man. You are a very lucky woman and I am sure you know that, esp. if you read many of the posts in this section!! Lol.

I would just ignore this person and not even be civil and say Hello to her.

I had a neighbor/"friend" who tried to come on to my husband and unfortunately for me, he fell for it.
We lived in the same building as well and it was small so life was awkward. I was about to make plans to move, but lucky for me Karma (!) did me a favor and the landlord kicked her family out for not paying the rent on time.

Hopefully Karma will be so kind to you as well.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Op, not your fault. I am married, and on my street kids invite kids to the park and opposite sex parents go and supervise and it's completely neighbourly and that's that. The woman is nuts! She was going to join you for Easter?!!! is she insane?!

You mentioned she's attractive. She probably thinks that's enough for a man to destroy his life. WOW!

I cannot contemplate friends doing this to each other. Never forgive her. Tell the neighbours! If there's a fb page spread rumours about that slut! I would make her life so miserable. But I'd also watch my back and child's back in cases he tries to single white female you! Seriously! She sounds mad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I am single and please don't isolate your single friends from your lives because you see them as a threat. I've only had a crush on the husband of ONE friend and my response is to treat him in a manner that is cordial but somewhat distant. No way would I ever want to get involved with a married man, much less the husband of a friend. That is just a waste of time and a disaster. No matter what, the single friend doesn't win. Chances are the man doesn't want to leave his wife, but even if it does, do I want to marry a cheater? No.

See...I would not isolate you at all. You could be at the house or out to dinner with us, as long as I was there. My point is that my hope would be that all of the time you spend with my DH would involve me.

What some of us are saying is that you developing the crush was a natural thing. You did not act on it - but others will.

I actually had a crush on the guy before my friend ever met him.

I've never developed a crush on someone who I met bc he was with my friend. I think I have some sort of internal "he's off limits" reaction to friends' SOs that keeps me from developing a crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I am single and please don't isolate your single friends from your lives because you see them as a threat. I've only had a crush on the husband of ONE friend and my response is to treat him in a manner that is cordial but somewhat distant. No way would I ever want to get involved with a married man, much less the husband of a friend. That is just a waste of time and a disaster. No matter what, the single friend doesn't win. Chances are the man doesn't want to leave his wife, but even if it does, do I want to marry a cheater? No.

I've been in the same boat. It took months and a LOT of prayer to extinguish the inappropriate romantic feelings I developed for a friend's husband. She and he never guessed. The whole time I was distancing myself, they were calling to invite me to hang with them. I felt so bad hurting their feelings, but it was what was best for everyone involved. Meanwhile, women with the least appealing husbands cut me out of their social circle after my divorce only to learn later that their DH was screwing a still-married friend.

Yep! I'm a single woman and have run into a similar issue. Being pushed out as the single woman and the wife is completely oblivious to a married woman in the circle with ulterior motives. Or the husband (not every, of course) has done or said something inappropriate towards me. I have gone in the other direction...I don't pursue friendships with married women anymore.

[Anonymous]

I think unhappily married women are a greater threat than a single women. Most single women don't want to waste time with married men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The "wrong" behavior is burdening someone else with information that could be harmful to them, just to unburden yourself.

And that's the BEST case scenario, ignoring the possibility that she wanted to sleep with a married man.

But maybe there are more sociopaths on DCUM than I even thought. Just tell people whatever you want, regardless of how it affects them.

By this standard, the husband should have kept what he knew to himself.

I mean, are you kidding? How are you burdening your spouse by telling them something like this? I'm sure the wife would MUCH prefer to have this information and not have a husband-stealing interloper hanging around her family.

I guess it might make sense that these are the same thing in your bizarro world where the most important things are the wife and toddler keeping their friends.

And don't forget, the husband didn't initially tell his wife because he thought the "friend" was going to distance herself. It wasn't until it was clear that was not her true intention that he told his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it make you hotter for your husband? Not only is he a stand up guy and father, he's attractive to other women!

Blah blah blah...had this woman been attractive this would be a totally different thread.

That's not true - she's actually very attractive. She thinner than I am, younger than I am, and very pretty. But luckily my husband really loves me and is very devoted to our family. Once again I'll say that this is not a matter of her having the feelings she did/does, but it was that she tried to act on those feelings with my husband.

BS!
If all of that younger prettier thinner BS was true, you would've NEVER had her around your family in that way! And you would 've NEVER thrown her and DH together while you were sick .

I was being silly with my comment. I don't think DH did anything wrong (though he should've told you ASAP ) but if you're gonna make up lies to try to 'defend' him , you'll lose credibility .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does it make you hotter for your husband? Not only is he a stand up guy and father, he's attractive to other women!

Blah blah blah...had this woman been attractive this would be a totally different thread.

That's not true - she's actually very attractive. She thinner than I am, younger than I am, and very pretty. But luckily my husband really loves me and is very devoted to our family. Once again I'll say that this is not a matter of her having the feelings she did/does, but it was that she tried to act on those feelings with my husband.

BS!
If all of that younger prettier thinner BS was true, you would've NEVER had her around your family in that way! And you would 've NEVER thrown her and DH together while you were sick .

I was being silly with my comment. I don't think DH did anything wrong (though he should've told you ASAP ) but if you're gonna make up lies to try to 'defend' him , you'll lose credibility .

Sorry the truth doesn't fit what you want it to be, but she is all those things (she's 30, I'm 38; she's only had 1 kid and seemed to lose the baby weight fine, I'm still working on getting back into shape from my last pregnancy almost two years out; I think she's very pretty) - as well as a little bit crazy it seems. But it's not BS, it just is what it is. FWIW, DH thinks I'm prettier, smarter, nicer, sexy, beautiful, etc and I'm lucky enough to have a husband that is even more madly in love with me now as he was when we got married 10 years ago. All of that is totally unrelated to what this woman did/tried to do. About having her around my family, I just don't view other women the way you do. I didn't "throw" them together by suggesting he see if she wanted to go to the playground when I was sick. Nothing I've said is a lie and I don't need to defend my husband, his actions speak for themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP I am not surprised it hit you hard. Your friend betrayed you and was never what she seemed. I think the woman to woman friendship angle often gets overlooked. You valued her as a person, she was maneuvering and using you. Having your genuine friendship and good solid fellowship rejected like that - burns. But, she's a fool. Fools keep on foolin.

I am really surprised she accepted for Easter. But, see above.

There was a mother of my child's friend who showed too much interest in my DH, and besides signaling danger to me, it also rather hurt my feelings. We could have had such a nice moms friendship, if only she was legit. But obviously not if she was trying to make inroads with my dh under the excuse of our kids socializing.

[Anonymous]

I don't think looks have very much to do with anything if a man is itching for strange. If you saw the women my ex pursued on the side you'd be appalled.

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband obviously is terrified/disgusted with the woman, so UNinvite her.

Don't make your Easter another Good Friday.

Oh, and skip the dramatic scenes. Obviously, your DH came to you because he wants a quick escape. So should you. Get her out of your lives and keep it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think looks have very much to do with anything if a man is itching for strange. If you saw the women my ex pursued on the side you'd be appalled.

Are you saying his strange was strange indeed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - yes, she spent a lot of time with us because of ME. I invited her to do things, I chatted with her at the playground when we were there, I had her over for movies and wine (husband wasn't involved in any evening activities we planned together). She was MY friend. Up until the weekend when I was really sick in bed, their actual contact was pretty minimal. My husband is incredibly kind and probably the nicest, most honest person I've ever known. He's the guy who always does the honorable thing, regardless of whether anyone is looking. He's also wonderful with our children, and by extension other children that are playing with our children. So he was of course kind to her DD. She is familiar with our family and knows how much I valued my marriage, husband and family because we talked about it. She knows both our children and had to have been aware of the impact an affair could have on both of them, and she just didn't care.

It seems so off base to me that you think that she did nothing wrong. Why do you think she revealed her feelings for him? I can't imagine any other reason than that she was letting him know that she was interested in starting a romantic relationship with him. It was only after he rejected her that she said anything about not being able to spend time around him. If she was just trying to explain her departure from a friendship, her discussion should have been with me - Primarily I was her friend, not my husband. So how is that not so wrong? It is such a massive betrayal. Further, when I confronted her she spouted some bs about not believing in marriage and how it was a unnatural societal construct. She also stated that she would be interested in any man that was decent and nice to her - and she used the word "interested" which makes it pretty clear that she wanted more than just getting this off her chest.

Our girls that are friends aren't even 2 years old yet, so I'm pretty sure they'll be just fine. And maybe she feels better being unburdened by sharing this, but she selfishly has just managed to burden and hurt other people with it. You cannot help it if you get a crush on someone, but you can help how you behave. She should have behaved like an adult and kept this to herself.

You know, I just want to say OP - congrats on being sane in a difficult situation and not reacting like some of these looneybins around here.

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement - I'm doing my best to handle this is a way I won't regret later.

That being said, since this is an anonymous forum, I can say that I'm really feeling so awful on the inside. All day I've been fighting down that painful lump in my throat and just feel terrible. I really wish I could just let it roll off my back and be thankful for all the great things I have in my life, but I'm really struggling for some reason.

I'd struggle with it too because infidelity came knocking at your door. Thankfully your husband refused to answer, but it was knocking.

[Anonymous]

She is such a huge threat to your happy marriage that you should move. Tomorrow if today isn't possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is such a huge threat to your happy marriage that you should move. Tomorrow if today isn't possible.

We were already in the process of house hunting. This just has added a greater sense of urgency because we both want nothing to do with her. Since I confronted her, she's tried texting my husband and he's blocked her. Last night (he happened to be out of town), she was hanging out playing with her child loudly right outside our door at right around the time window he usually comes home. She's seeming more crazy by the moment and we cannot get out of here fast enough. And I absolutely rescinded the Easter invite when I confronted her.