My friend tried to start an affair with my husband
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Anonymous
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Since becoming a mom, I've found it very hard to make new friends that are anything more than casual. I have several good friends that live in in town but are in a really different phase of life, and several that are in the same part of life as me but live far away. It's been pretty lonely at times.
About six months ago, a woman (single mom) with a toddler almost the exact same age as mine moved into our building. Over time, we became good friends to the point where she and her DD were spending the majority of the weekend with us. My husband thought she was a little weird and awkward, but was cool with us spending so much time together because our kids love each other, he was really glad to see me making a close friend, and he felt sorry for her since she was doing everything on her own. A few weeks ago, I got really sick and ended up in bed the whole weekend. To minimize the chances of infecting our kids, my husband had them out all weekend. I suggested that he send her a message asking her to join them since the kids love playing together and she is our friend. Fast forward two weeks and DH tells me that he's been really upset about something that he needs to tell me. The Monday after the weekend I was sick, he ran into her on the bus on the way to work. She ended up asking him to get off a stop early with her because she needed to talk to him about something important. At that point, she told him that she had developed strong feelings for him and thought he should know. He said he was totally blindsided and immediately told her that he loved me and our family and did not return her feelings. She then said she wouldn't be able to handle being around him in the future because of it, which he said was fine with him. He has been going back and forth since then about telling me what happened because he thought he could avoid her and knew it would cause me a lot of pain. He finally decided I needed to know because she has been around just as much as before, plus she had readily accepted my invitation for her to join us and our extended family for Easter. I am just totally reeling from this, and feel so hurt and betrayed. I confronted her about it and she has zero true remorse and sees nothing wrong with what she did. She said she felt it was the only respectful thing to do (huh???). When I asked her what she was hoping for with her revelation regarding her feelings (an affair?), she claimed that last thing in the world it was about was her hope for a relationship with him. Why else would you reveal these kind of feelings to a married man? Wtf? She said she would NEVER EVER participate in an affair with a married person since she knew how that felt (her ex husband cheated on her). Obviously, the friendship is over, but I still can't seem to wrap my head around what happened. I keep cycling through so many different emotions. I just feel like an emotional wreck. Any words of wisdom from someone that has experienced something similar with a friend? |
Anonymous
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Hmmm...that is really weird. The only thing I can say is - maybe she was just being completely honest and direct and knew in her heart that she could not continue to be friends with you and your DH and family...So it is best to avoid her completely and/or move!!!
To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she wasn't trying to "steal" your husband and maybe she knew her "crush" was unrequited, but it is odd that she thought she needed to share her inappropriate feelings with him. I Maybe because you all were so close, she wanted to be honest instead of just cutting things off with your family and you wondering if you did anything wrong or offensive to her. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry, OP. She was never a real friend. She's a user, not a friend. |
Anonymous
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She's bad news. Obviously. It's good your husband told you and it's good you've cut her off.
I would feel sad too. Rest assured that most women would not do something like this, so try not to let it sour you on future friendships. |
Anonymous
| That is terrible, OP. But good on your husband for being honest with you about it. |
Anonymous
Since this is largely about the friendship and ultimately has nothing to do with my romantic relationship with my husband, I thought off topic would be a better forum. |
Anonymous
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She was not a "real" friend to you, OP. Forget/avoid/move on. She sounds manipulative and a selfish psycho bitch.
Don't waste any more of your time on this person. |
Anonymous
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Hi Jeff,
This post was not primarily about my romantic relationship, but much more about my friendship. Am I wrong that this forum is for posts dealing with issues in a romantic relationship? I don't want to accidentally post in the wrong place again, but all the threads I've seen regarding friendships have mostly been in off topic. Thanks |
Anonymous
| Your husband is an admirable man. |
Anonymous
+1. The good thing is you have a solid marriage where DH was transparent! This could have ended differently. Count your blessings, good riddance! |
Anonymous
| She is not your friend! |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't be surprised if the evil woman moves out of your building. Shame on her. |
Anonymous
| If she was just being honest, she should have been honest with you, not cornered your husband. |
Anonymous
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I don't see where she tried to start an affair. She didn't invite him back to her place, try to kiss him, or even say "don't tell your wife."
I would limit contact. |
Anonymous
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She may claim to be a very honest person but she did try and see if your husband was interested.
If he had said yes, she would have had an affair. She is a psycho and you need to cut off all contacts, because she has a very warped sense of reality and morality. |