My friend tried to start an affair with my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

+1. Honestly, I know of a lot of women who feel this way and I cannot say that I blame them. Especially, in this ares there is a lot of competition for "eligible" men. Hell, that is advice my grandmother gave me when I got married and she saw all my single bridesmaids.

I have a lot single girlfriends and we meet out or at my house when DH is not there. And if one of them has fallen on hard times, I will give them my last nickel but they are not getting my spare bedroom.

Once you are married, he isn't eligible any more.

If your husband loves you, he is faithful. A thousand naked, horny women could parade past and he will decline.

Since he is unavailable due to his devotion to you, you aren't in competition with the single women anymore.

If you think that you are still competing for him, there's a problem. And your single friend is not it.

+1 I would hate to live such an insecure life as the PP

[Anonymous]

OP, you and your husband sound like really sweet people. You are lucky to have each other. You may want to distance yourself from the former "friend" but do have some compassion for her. I can undestand why you're sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

+1. Honestly, I know of a lot of women who feel this way and I cannot say that I blame them. Especially, in this ares there is a lot of competition for "eligible" men. Hell, that is advice my grandmother gave me when I got married and she saw all my single bridesmaids.

I have a lot single girlfriends and we meet out or at my house when DH is not there. And if one of them has fallen on hard times, I will give them my last nickel but they are not getting my spare bedroom.

Once you are married, he isn't eligible any more.

If your husband loves you, he is faithful. A thousand naked, horny women could parade past and he will decline.

Since he is unavailable due to his devotion to you, you aren't in competition with the single women anymore.

If you think that you are still competing for him, there's a problem. And your single friend is not it.

PP here. No need to debate me point by point. The PP that I responded to and agree with knew EXACTLY what I was saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

Yikes, I totally disagree. Do I even have you day you sound like a horrible friend?

I knew I would get shit

I am not going to give you crap about what you said...but keep in mind that in a healthy relationship, you wouldn't be worried one iota about your husband cheating on you. Also, if you distrust your friends, you should probably do everyone a favor and cut them off. Those friendships aren't solid. Try to figure out why you don't trust your DH (your words say you trust him, but your actions reveal otherwise.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

+1. Honestly, I know of a lot of women who feel this way and I cannot say that I blame them. Especially, in this ares there is a lot of competition for "eligible" men. Hell, that is advice my grandmother gave me when I got married and she saw all my single bridesmaids.

I have a lot single girlfriends and we meet out or at my house when DH is not there. And if one of them has fallen on hard times, I will give them my last nickel but they are not getting my spare bedroom.

Once you are married, he isn't eligible any more.

If your husband loves you, he is faithful. A thousand naked, horny women could parade past and he will decline.

Since he is unavailable due to his devotion to you, you aren't in competition with the single women anymore.

If you think that you are still competing for him, there's a problem. And your single friend is not it.

+1 I would hate to live such an insecure life as the PP

I am one of the PP's. LOL I am not insecure at all. I am just not like OP in that I am not going to allow my single mom friends to have unlimited access to my DH. If we are all together, sure. But I am not going to send my DH off alone like she did and frankly my DH would have refused to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

+1. Honestly, I know of a lot of women who feel this way and I cannot say that I blame them. Especially, in this ares there is a lot of competition for "eligible" men. Hell, that is advice my grandmother gave me when I got married and she saw all my single bridesmaids.

I have a lot single girlfriends and we meet out or at my house when DH is not there. And if one of them has fallen on hard times, I will give them my last nickel but they are not getting my spare bedroom.

Once you are married, he isn't eligible any more.

If your husband loves you, he is faithful. A thousand naked, horny women could parade past and he will decline.

Since he is unavailable due to his devotion to you, you aren't in competition with the single women anymore.

If you think that you are still competing for him, there's a problem. And your single friend is not it.

+1 I would hate to live such an insecure life as the PP

I am one of the PP's. LOL I am not insecure at all. I am just not like OP in that I am not going to allow my single mom friends to have unlimited access to my DH. If we are all together, sure. But I am not going to send my DH off alone like she did and frankly my DH would have refused to go.

Really? It seems like you are implying that I somehow invited this to happen. I had horrible strep throat, husband and kids were going to the playground, thought it would be nice to ask her to join them because it is a fairly regular weekend routine. It would never, ever occur to me that in the course of a few afternoons without me at the playground, that my "friend" would decide she wanted to be with my husband and initiate a relationship with him. Never. It is so bizarre to me that someone could think like that, and do that. But thanks a bunch for blaming me for her totally inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

+1. Honestly, I know of a lot of women who feel this way and I cannot say that I blame them. Especially, in this ares there is a lot of competition for "eligible" men. Hell, that is advice my grandmother gave me when I got married and she saw all my single bridesmaids.

I have a lot single girlfriends and we meet out or at my house when DH is not there. And if one of them has fallen on hard times, I will give them my last nickel but they are not getting my spare bedroom.

Once you are married, he isn't eligible any more.
If your husband loves you, he is faithful. A thousand naked, horny women could parade past and he will decline.

Since he is unavailable due to his devotion to you, you aren't in competition with the single women anymore.

If you think that you are still competing for him, there's a problem. And your single friend is not it.

+1 I would hate to live such an insecure life as the PP

I am one of the PP's. LOL I am not insecure at all. I am just not like OP in that I am not going to allow my single mom friends to have unlimited access to my DH. If we are all together, sure. But I am not going to send my DH off alone like she did and frankly my DH would have refused to go.

Really? It seems like you are implying that I somehow invited this to happen. I had horrible strep throat, husband and kids were going to the playground, thought it would be nice to ask her to join them because it is a fairly regular weekend routine. It would never, ever occur to me that in the course of a few afternoons without me at the playground, that my "friend" would decide she wanted to be with my husband and initiate a relationship with him. Never. It is so bizarre to me that someone could think like that, and do that. But thanks a bunch for blaming me for her totally inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.

Not the PP you're quoting but wake up and smell the coffee princess, not everyone you meet in life is nice or genuine. In fact these people will be the majority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

+1. Honestly, I know of a lot of women who feel this way and I cannot say that I blame them. Especially, in this ares there is a lot of competition for "eligible" men. Hell, that is advice my grandmother gave me when I got married and she saw all my single bridesmaids.

I have a lot single girlfriends and we meet out or at my house when DH is not there. And if one of them has fallen on hard times, I will give them my last nickel but they are not getting my spare bedroom.

Once you are married, he isn't eligible any more.

If your husband loves you, he is faithful. A thousand naked, horny women could parade past and he will decline.

Since he is unavailable due to his devotion to you, you aren't in competition with the single women anymore.

If you think that you are still competing for him, there's a problem. And your single friend is not it.

+1 I would hate to live such an insecure life as the PP

I am one of the PP's. LOL I am not insecure at all. I am just not like OP in that I am not going to allow my single mom friends to have unlimited access to my DH. If we are all together, sure. But I am not going to send my DH off alone like she did and frankly my DH would have refused to go.

Really? It seems like you are implying that I somehow invited this to happen. I had horrible strep throat, husband and kids were going to the playground, thought it would be nice to ask her to join them because it is a fairly regular weekend routine. It would never, ever occur to me that in the course of a few afternoons without me at the playground, that my "friend" would decide she wanted to be with my husband and initiate a relationship with him. Never. It is so bizarre to me that someone could think like that, and do that. But thanks a bunch for blaming me for her totally inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.

Nope. I did not blame you at all. I just said that I would not have done it. It was totally your friend's fault. My point was while it is bizarre to you, it is not to me. It actually happens a lot, so I would have nipped it.

[Anonymous]

Not the PP you're quoting but wake up and smell the coffee princess, not everyone you meet in life is nice or genuine. In fact these people will be the majority.

I am the single lady from up-thread and of course not everyone is nice and has the best of intentions, but the fact that you let it harden you enough to pass judgement on others based on some bad experiences is just sad. Listen people are shitty, if you let that turn you into a shitty person then this world will be full of nasty un-trusting people. There should be a nice middle ground between naive and totally jaded...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP you're quoting but wake up and smell the coffee princess, not everyone you meet in life is nice or genuine. In fact these people will be the majority.

I am the single lady from up-thread and of course not everyone is nice and has the best of intentions, but the fact that you let it harden you enough to pass judgement on others based on some bad experiences is just sad. Listen people are shitty, if you let that turn you into a shitty person then this world will be full of nasty un-trusting people. There should be a nice middle ground between naive and totally jaded...

I agree - having a wonderful set of girlfriends but not setting them loose with my husband is the middle ground. It's not judgement - that's the wrong word. I'm just not niave to something that happens quite often. Don't you watch lifetime?!

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I am single and please don't isolate your single friends from your lives because you see them as a threat. I've only had a crush on the husband of ONE friend and my response is to treat him in a manner that is cordial but somewhat distant. No way would I ever want to get involved with a married man, much less the husband of a friend. That is just a waste of time and a disaster. No matter what, the single friend doesn't win. Chances are the man doesn't want to leave his wife, but even if it does, do I want to marry a cheater? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

No criticism from me. It's the birds and the bees, old as the hills. It's just the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

Yikes, I totally disagree. Do I even have you day you sound like a horrible friend?

I knew I would get shit

I am single, and would never even think of my friends husbands in this way. It just makes me sad that women can't be friends because of jealously and harsh judgement. Do men know how easy they have it, they can actually have friends who won't sell them out?

You are not married, yet you judge. Not jealousy, common sense and prudence. Things necessary to the married state of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may get shit for this but that's why I don't bring singl women into my home for extended periods of time (both literally and figuratively like OPs situation). A friend of mine was leaving her live in bf and asked if she could stay with us. NOPE. Not that I don't trust my husband but why invite potential problems? When will women learn not to involve other women that closely into their lives ... It's only normal for a single woman to develop feelings for a great father and husband when they spend so much time together - it's everything she wants and doesn't have.

Yikes, I totally disagree. Do I even have you day you sound like a horrible friend?

I knew I would get shit

I am single, and would never even think of my friends husbands in this way. It just makes me sad that women can't be friends because of jealously and harsh judgement. Do men know how easy they have it, they can actually have friends who won't sell them out?

You are not married, yet you judge. Not jealousy, common sense and prudence. Things necessary to the married state of life.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. I am single and please don't isolate your single friends from your lives because you see them as a threat. I've only had a crush on the husband of ONE friend and my response is to treat him in a manner that is cordial but somewhat distant. No way would I ever want to get involved with a married man, much less the husband of a friend. That is just a waste of time and a disaster. No matter what, the single friend doesn't win. Chances are the man doesn't want to leave his wife, but even if it does, do I want to marry a cheater? No.

See...I would not isolate you at all. You could be at the house or out to dinner with us, as long as I was there. My point is that my hope would be that all of the time you spend with my DH would involve me.

What some of us are saying is that you developing the crush was a natural thing. You did not act on it - but others will.