How would you handle this with your MIL? Threw out all my baby clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp, you must be a MIL whose a bitch to your DIL.

Nope, I am a DIL who realizes that when DH and I married, we married into each other's families. My MIL is part of my family and get's treated as such. We have our run-ins, but at the end of the day, she IS a family member. I guess that I was just raised to respect my MIL annd not just tolerate her. But then again, I am the only girl and I have 5 older brothers. I saw that MIL/DIL dymanic in full force from an early age. TBH, blame for the issues was probably 50/50. My mother was not a saint, but the DIL's did their fair share of bicth things too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you put them in trash bags? You should have put them in rubbermaid bins. Now you have learned a lesson.

There was no confusion about them being trash - her MIL sorted through the contents and saved the dresses she specifically gave the grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if that is your biggest problem, count your blessings!

Give me a break. You sound like a jerk, and a passive-aggressive MIL in training.

[Anonymous]

Based on the call MIL placed to your mother, I would say she is delusional and narcissistic. I would cut off the bitch. Tell DH everything and tell him you don't trust her or like her, and she is now trying to slander you to your own mother. You're done.

[Anonymous]

Misunderstanding my arse.

Your MIL is a lying, conniving byotch. Who needs it?

[Anonymous]

OP, if MIL is abusive with you - I am certain she was that way with her own kids, selectively - especially your DH. Now you know to back away from her. She doesn't seem to go out of her way for you. Back away....quickly....

[Anonymous]

This is terrible, I feel for you. We kept the cuter outfits and were delighted when #2 turned out to also be a girl. Now we keep the nicer items #2 has outgrown to pass on to a friend with a baby daughter. BUT...
I live with a DH who is not quite a hoarder but is loath to throw anything away. Our basement is cluttered with old baby toys, tools, nails, half-filled bags of grout, wood scraps, antique broken things like lamps...everything is worth a bit of money but it's disgusting to live with. Your story reminded me NOT to implement my secret plan, which is to sort, toss and donate everything one day when he is not home, so we can remodel the basement. He would not be able to say yes to throwing anything out, but he will be hurt to not be asked. Which means it will never get done.
We have also had old housemates who expected us to safeguard paintings, Christmas ornaments, boxes of who-knows-what until they were ready to take them, when we really did not want to. Don't store things you really care about at someone else's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, you must be a MIL whose a bitch to your DIL.

Nope, I am a DIL who realizes that when DH and I married, we married into each other's families. My MIL is part of my family and get's treated as such. We have our run-ins, but at the end of the day, she IS a family member. I guess that I was just raised to respect my MIL annd not just tolerate her. But then again, I am the only girl and I have 5 older brothers. I saw that MIL/DIL dymanic in full force from an early age. TBH, blame for the issues was probably 50/50. My mother was not a saint, but the DIL's did their fair share of bicth things too.

Pffffft. Not really. If you are not welcomed into his family, they can go to hell, as far as I'm concerned. They don't need to gang up on someone that just got there, so to speak. Besides, chances are there a ton of them - couldn't they be the ones to act warm, nonjudgmental, welcoming and normal (probably like your own family did for DH)? Whatever. I'm not here to impress my IL's, that's for sure. If they didn't expect me to be just like them, I would feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp, you must be a MIL whose a bitch to your DIL.

Nope, I am a DIL who realizes that when DH and I married, we married into each other's families. My MIL is part of my family and get's treated as such. We have our run-ins, but at the end of the day, she IS a family member. I guess that I was just raised to respect my MIL annd not just tolerate her. But then again, I am the only girl and I have 5 older brothers. I saw that MIL/DIL dymanic in full force from an early age. TBH, blame for the issues was probably 50/50. My mother was not a saint, but the DIL's did their fair share of bicth things too.

Pffffft. Not really. If you are not welcomed into his family, they can go to hell, as far as I'm concerned. They don't need to gang up on someone that just got there, so to speak. Besides, chances are there a ton of them - couldn't they be the ones to act warm, nonjudgmental, welcoming and normal (probably like your own family did for DH)? Whatever. I'm not here to impress my IL's, that's for sure. If they didn't expect me to be just like them, I would feel differently.

PP here. I hear you, but doesn't it go both ways? A couple of my SIL's were stand-offish and had a chip on their shoulder coming into the family. I see a lot of that on DCUM. Women say they want to be "welcomed" into the family, but what they really want is to be "welcomed" on their own terms. Many DILs are not warm and non-judgmental to the families thay they have chosen to marry into but the MIL gets all the blame. And the DH gets stuck in the middle. My MIL and I are not buddy-buddy, but she tries her best and I do to. We have a decent relationship and have learned to find a middle ground for the sake of DH and the kids. We realize that we are part of the same family and we give each other that level of tolerance and foregiveness. But that is just us.

Believe it or not, many of you will become the MIL's that you now despise.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your point on your MIL not asking about throwing your stuff out.

I just want to ensure you, you can easily get an entire wardrobe for ages 0-5 for your child at thrift stores, Goodwill etc. for $200. So don't worry too much about not having any clothes for them at least!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they were really your private items you shouldn't have given them to someone else.

You can ABSOLUTELY buy well more than two pieces of baby clothing for $30! Learn to shop at Goodwill and clearance racks.

I think you were stupid to give things that important to someone else to store for you (especially in a trash bag) and you're being overly dramatic. It seems like you just dislike your MIL and found a reason to dislike her even more.

This response is ridiculous. I have accidentally left my tooth brush, cheap flip flops, sun glasses, my kid's socks during our many visits to my MIL who lives abroad. She never ever throws anything away! Once we didn't go for 2 years, and she kept my flip flops even after I had told her to go ahead and throw them away. She said that she would let me throw it away, but she would keep it until then. This MIL was been a horrible witch. If she didn't want the stuff in her basement one call would have done it. OP would have picked up her bags. It was a dick move. Sorry OP, that really sucks, you deserve a much better MIL and a husband with cojones.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. I hope your husband is adult enough to see what kind of awful person she is now.
I would never, never count on her for anything again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL won't change. It is in her nature to be mean and spiteful. Now that you know the true colors of your MIL, to the best of your ability you can try to protect yourself from more hurtful acts. Do limit your contact and do not get emotionally involved with her and just be careful. She will not change.

I agree. I think you should take this experience as an early warning so that you can protect your children from this woman. I would not want my children spending significant alone time with a woman who habitually lies, takes actions that are hurtful to those she supossedly cares for and is incapable of taking responsibility and apologizing. All terrible, terrible lessons for your children. Be grateful that this happened so that you aren't later lulled into accepting that "grandma" might be a good influence for your kids. Be lucky you only lost clothing.

[Anonymous]

Stuff that was stored in an unheated basement for a nearly a year would not have been in good enough condition to be given to a baby. Some of the clothes you might have been able to save, but you can't clean a moldy doll or stuffed animal well enough for it to be safe for a child.

Sorry, OP, but MIL's right in this. Maybe she didn't want to tell you how disgusting it was to open the bags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stuff that was stored in an unheated basement for a nearly a year would not have been in good enough condition to be given to a baby. Some of the clothes you might have been able to save, but you can't clean a moldy doll or stuffed animal well enough for it to be safe for a child.

Sorry, OP, but MIL's right in this. Maybe she didn't want to tell you how disgusting it was to open the bags.

[/quote

BS, and if you truly beloved that and we're a semi-caring person, you would have called her to tell her you were considering throwing away her items.
Oh, except the ones in storage that you gave...
Yeah.

This MIL showed her true colors on this one: puke brown.