How would you handle this with your MIL? Threw out all my baby clothes.

[Anonymous]

I would be heartbroken too. I would recommend telling her that directly, I would be open and honest and let her know how hurt and disappointed you feel. If you cant do it in person, Id write a letter. I wouldn't make any accusations (that she did it on purpose, that she is lying). I would simply let her know how much she hurt you.

Then I would set some personal boundaries for myself, maybe even inform her that your trust in her is gone and what they are.

At the end of the day, she is still family, and your DH loves her, so you can't cut her off completely. You can protect yourself though. And you can stand up and say, "this was wrong and it hurt me".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you guys rich? Why are you paying $80,000 for her debt? The timing seems strange: you pay the debt and two weeks later she commits a hostile act? How has she treated you in the past?

It's one of the MIL's other sons paying that, not OP. OP is paying $200/month.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Are you sure that your MIL perhaps just misunderstood you since they were in garbage bags?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have no clue what you should do about MIL, but I commiserate. My MIL did something similar.

Dh and I were making a no-frills cross country move. MIL offered to let us store non-essentials in her (nearly empty) attic. She knew that they might be there for years, and she was ok with that.

A few years later, we came to take our stuff. She had given our dining room set and a whole set of dishes away. She insisted we had given her permission! A couple of large, labeled boxes of family heirlooms (like my grandmother's tea service) had just "disappeared." MIL insisted not only that she hadn't done anything with the boxes, but that we had never brought them to her house in the first place!

She's done tons of passive-aggressive stuff, and straight-up lying her whole life-- it's not dementia, it's evil.

[Anonymous]

To 19:38, I know she didn't misunderstand. She was at my home when I was folding and putting them away to take to her home. She understood my intentions. Unfortunately only she and I were present when I had made my communication. I just wish she had double checked with me.

I wouldn't cut off ties with her, bc I can handle her going forward. I don't want to permanently cut off ties nor would DH go along with that. And I know she genuinely loves the kids.

She's pulled something like this before sort of. I was over once and my DH had left behind his wedding suit which fits him perfectly (a tux) which my parents had given as a wedding gift. It was in a "goodwill pile". I'm not even sure why it was there, nor had we realized. This tux cost well around $1500. I asked her what it was doing there? She informed me she was going to goodwill it, since it was so run down and old. I'm 33, and and was married 7 yrs ago. Tux is pristine and designer. Stunned I picked it up and told her it wasn't trash. I was naive back then but now in retrospect I realize she doesn't value what my parents or myself have paid for. I had never told DH of that incident bc I thought it was a mistake, and maybe she didn't know. Who throws out their children's wedding outfit without asking. I see a lot of what has been going on over the years differently now. Mind you we have never argued before and even in this situation I would describe my reaction to be shaken (almost to tears but clear in what I needed to express). I didn't let her lies make me second guess myself in fact I'm very proud and have no regrets of what I could have said or should've said.

[Anonymous]

Op here, also I know MIL thinks I was in the wrong. She must be going over the conversation and my responses bc two days later she called my mom and told her she thought I was very rude and was lying about my instructions and the clothes were junk.

I'm so proud of my mom. She responded, a plane has gone down in Malaysia, families are grieving, people are experiencing loss, I really don't have time for your trivial conversation about the clothes. It's just too bad you didn't ask her if her intentions were to trash the items. But I'm too busy to listen to THIS conversation. If you would like to chat otherwise, I'm available. MIL said her other DIK would have said its ok. Don't worry" and once she realized my mom wasn't reacting MIL said her call waiting was going off and she had to go.

My mom gaged she wasn't sorry at all and that she wouldn't be.

[Anonymous]

Damn OP you are a huge drama queen. MOVE ON.

[Anonymous]

19:38 here. OP, Perhaps your MIL has a different idea of clothes? Growing up, my mom was constantly gathering stuff for Goodwill and never keeping any clutter around. She didn't seem to be sentimental about keeping stuff. Perhaps your MIL isn't sentimental about keeping stuff and (unfortunately) she assumes others should be the same way. I do think it was odd that she called your mom to discuss it.

[Anonymous]

Some of y'all are going to be real joys when you become MIL's. (Insert sarcasm here). It is going to be interesting to see what your DIL's think of YOU!

[Anonymous]

Pp, you must be a MIL whose a bitch to your DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, also I know MIL thinks I was in the wrong. She must be going over the conversation and my responses bc two days later she called my mom and told her she thought I was very rude and was lying about my instructions and the clothes were junk.

I'm so proud of my mom. She responded, a plane has gone down in Malaysia, families are grieving, people are experiencing loss, I really don't have time for your trivial conversation about the clothes. It's just too bad you didn't ask her if her intentions were to trash the items. But I'm too busy to listen to THIS conversation. If you would like to chat otherwise, I'm available. MIL said her other DIK would have said its ok. Don't worry" and once she realized my mom wasn't reacting MIL said her call waiting was going off and she had to go.

My mom gaged she wasn't sorry at all and that she wouldn't be.

Wow OP, your MIL is a piece of work!!! I can't believe she called your mom! She sounds toxic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they were really your private items you shouldn't have given them to someone else.

You can ABSOLUTELY buy well more than two pieces of baby clothing for $30! Learn to shop at Goodwill and clearance racks.

I think you were stupid to give things that important to someone else to store for you (especially in a trash bag) and you're being overly dramatic. It seems like you just dislike your MIL and found a reason to dislike her even more.

Ignore this response. It is ridiculous. So what if you can buy more? The point is - she shouldn't have thrown out your stuff without the courtesy of a quick phone call or even text. There was some element of passive-aggressive behavior in what she did. Not sure what the motivation was, but it was not sweet and innocent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can ABSOLUTELY buy well more than two pieces of baby clothing for $30! Learn to shop at Goodwill and clearance racks.

Yes! And consignment sales! I picked up a $40 Ralph Lauren sweater (so cute!) for $8 at a sale a couple of weeks ago. I have bought some used sets (i.e. all of someone's 2T summer) for$40-$100 that have included some really high end pieces in great condition.

This is so totally not the point.

[Anonymous]

OP, if that is your biggest problem, count your blessings!

[Anonymous]

Why did you put them in trash bags? You should have put them in rubbermaid bins. Now you have learned a lesson.