How would you handle this with your MIL? Threw out all my baby clothes.

[Anonymous]

OP, not old at all. She's in her 50s. I don't know why she did it to be honest. She's always telling white lies etc. I have always bitten my tongue. We have never argued b/c I take the higher road when I see her lie.

I feel like she just figured, 'eh whatever' and just made herself busy.

I understand I can buy stuff cheaper. But truthfully she could have called. There's a reason I was saving it. I really didn't have room to save the stuff at our home b/c of the renos. IT wasn't an inconvenience bc her basement is unused and not finished. I only took so long to retrieve b/c I had a baby in the meantime and I was busy. I have never asked her for a favour and nor has she given me one. I will not be asking for them going forward. Honestly the reason I was 'dramatic' is on top of it, she was making excuses. Ie/ You told me to throw them away. You said it was for my other sons dd, and they didn't want it. IT was all old stuff. New stuff is so cheap. She just couldn't say I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut her off.

She has no place in your life.

Seriously? This is a bit extreme.

Unfortunately OP, people don't like to admit when they're wrong and like it even less to say I'm sorry.

She sounds incredibly passive aggressive. She told you it was okay to store the stuff, then it should have been. But it sounds like she didn't really want to store it. And the fact that she went through it, then tossed it shows that she obviously didn't forget what was in there and tossed it by accident. She should have called you to come get it if storing it was bothering her.

I doubt you'll ever get an apology from her, but I would try to forgive her and let it go. FYI, things can get musty being stored in unfinished basements. My sister sent me hand-me-downs that were stored the same same way--very musty, one thing even smelled moldy. So sometimes it's just as well to start with a clean slate.

[Anonymous]

Not even sure what to say. I'm so sorry your MIL did something like this to you. She sounds like a mean spiteful vindictive woman. You are justified in being hurt and angry. If possible I would eliminate or limit association with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, not old at all. She's in her 50s. I don't know why she did it to be honest. She's always telling white lies etc. I have always bitten my tongue. We have never argued b/c I take the higher road when I see her lie.

I feel like she just figured, 'eh whatever' and just made herself busy.

I understand I can buy stuff cheaper. But truthfully she could have called. There's a reason I was saving it. I really didn't have room to save the stuff at our home b/c of the renos. IT wasn't an inconvenience bc her basement is unused and not finished. I only took so long to retrieve b/c I had a baby in the meantime and I was busy. I have never asked her for a favour and nor has she given me one. I will not be asking for them going forward. Honestly the reason I was 'dramatic' is on top of it, she was making excuses. Ie/ You told me to throw them away. You said it was for my other sons dd, and they didn't want it. IT was all old stuff. New stuff is so cheap. She just couldn't say I'm sorry.

You were not being dramatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This hurts just to read it.

+1 I would be livid. I went through all my kids baby clothes and toys and set aside the ines that meant something to me. I can't imagine someone just throwing them out.

[Anonymous]

OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP, not sure really what you can do at this point. Honestly, though, I can't imagine my MIL or anyone in my family agreeing to store my stuff or even asking someone and I can't imagine that I would agree to store something for anyone else, even family. How important can these things be if you didn't find a closet or a corner in your house to store two bags of things.

Really? Not even for family, including your grandbaby? Not even after their house flooded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Summer of 2013 our basement flooded. I had saved 3 yrs worth of baby clothes of my older DD. Only the very nice stuff, and it was about 2 garbage bags full. I stored it in MIL's unfinished basement after washing and folding it.
I had just had a newborn at the time and b/c parts of our basement were being redone didn't have storage in our smaller home to store it. Anyway I went over today and found out she had thrown out all the clothes and the toys I had been storing in her unused, unfinished basement!

I was about to cry. I couldn't understand why? I looked at her and asked her why she would do something like that (DH right next to me). She lies and says to me, you told me it was garbage. I said No I couldnt' have had, b/c I am fully capable of throwing away my own trash. Then she lies and says, oh you said it was being saved for her other sons newborn and they didn't want it. I said No I wasn't. I was saving it for me! I asked her why she didn't ask me before she had made the decision to dump the stuff to a goodwill bin. She was acting like I had told her it was okay. (This show was for my DH's sake so that he could be like, oh honest mistake). Anyway, DH sided with me and said she should have asked. Along with that were about 10 baby dolls and a push walker and countless other toys. Honestly. I am livid beyond words. So then she says, what's the big deal. Baby clothes are so cheap. (she's next to never gifted our children anything). So I said, no actually they're not that cheap, you buy two things, $30 easily.

Anyway, I was polite, but firm and did not accept her excuses. I told her it was my private items and I didnt' understand why she went through them and then decided on her own to toss them. She did save 4 items. My DD's hospital blanket and three dresses she had given my DD. Nothing else. She then went on to say it was all junk. So dirty. Nobody would wear that stuff again. Completely 100% untrue. I know what I had saved and the condition it was in. I wanted to punch her. So I said it was mine and she shouldn't be throwing out that stuff. IF it was too much to manage she should've called I would've picked it up sooner.

We drove out 30 min with our children to see her. She then acted annoyed we hadn't eaten lunch at home etc. I didn't eat. Dh and kids did. I lied and said I'd eaten at home. I couldn't even look at her.

Honestly if she said, I screwed up. I'd be less upset (I'd still be upset but I would see that she realized she messed up). But she lied. She lied and made 3 excuses.
I don't feel like seeing her again. She knows I'm royally pissed. I'm sure she's gossiping about my reaction to her 3 other children.

Are you sure she just didn't give them the clothes and toys?

I think the chance she threw the stuff out is slim but the chance she gave it away to someone else is pretty high.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

Ok do you know she lies and has poor money management, why would you trust her in the first place ?
Hindsight is 20/20, but I need to think about that .
And nog taking her calls for two weeks?
You sound just as passive aggressive as she is.

[Anonymous]

Mil sucks. Cutting off is harsh but I roll back involvement from toxic ppl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This hurts just to read it.

Yes it does. I feel angry for op.

My MIL did something similar. We live in a tiny condo and she used to live in a huge house with tons of empty space. We asked her if we could store some baby items there in her basement and she said ok.

Two years later she had to be moved into a assisted living facility and the house had to be sold - we looked everywhere for the stuff and couldn't find it. She probably gave away or threw away. Thankfully, it was nothing sentimental, just practical baby stuff such as bouncy seat, boppy pillow and the like.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'm so sorry.
I am very attached to my firstborn's newborn things, because he was born premature at 32 weeks, and his minuscule preemie onesies remind me of that harrowing yet tender time.

Of course you will have to let it go at some point, because these are just "things". But take you sweet time.

No need now to ever extend yourself for her.

[Anonymous]

I so feel for you OP - I would be heart broken. Maybe I've had too many toxic people in my life, but my instinct screams that she got something out of the stuff. Meaning she either sold it (needs the money) or gave it away to either the other grandbaby or someone she knows (an image thing). I don't really understand my MIL. DS is her first grandchild and she puts out this image of being so over the moon to DH and everyone else, but she makes no effort for DS and I've caught her in weird lies. Like DH's grandmother gave my MIL a present for DS and instead of giving it to DS she kept it for her daughter's 'future' babies. Just weird.

Now my mother is a neat freak who always has to be doing something and reno's something else in her house every few months. She always complains about the stuff we've stored in her attic (also small condo) and threatens to go through and pitch everything. So I understand the compulsion, but she knows there is a line. Your MIL crossed it. Very happy to hear DH sided with you, still waiting for my own DH to do that, but she ways way out of line. I would keep your interactions with her in check.

[Anonymous]

23:12 here.

By the way, you handled matters very well!!
You let her know this was NOT ok, you showed you were upset, but you did not shout at her or call her names. Your husband backed you up.

She should be feeling rather badly right now.

[Anonymous]

Why would you leave things there for almost a year? This is your fault.