How would you handle this with your MIL? Threw out all my baby clothes.

[Anonymous]

Cut off any financial support you are giving her. I would not help out a liar. She made her own bed, now she can lie in it.

What a hag.

[Anonymous]

MIL sounds annoying and bitchy, but you engaged her in this argument for too long. She clearly could not get the items back, so there is no point of repeating the same thing over to her. Just learn the lesson and move on.

[Anonymous]

This is a straight up passive aggressive gesture. The "tell" was going through it and taking out items she herself had an attachment to.

People, this is disgusting and unloving behavior. I would not treat items left by an old housemate this way. I would call.

This is her DAUGHTER IN LAW. She is supposed to love her, or at least care about her. A phone call would have been the first instinct of a caring loving person. "Hey I just came across this bag of baby clothes- what do you want to do with them"?

OP wasnt stupid to leave two bags at her MILS place because MIL obviuosly agreed to it.

OP, you need to have a very serious heart to heart with your husband and let him know of all the things your MIL does, and how it makes you feel. You need to pull way back from her, at least on this inside. This gesture was hostile. Im afraid I have met the kind of person who does this kind of thing. You have every right to be angry. You just uncovered a nasty side to a human being you were supposed to be able to trust at least somewhat.

This is no small thing. Consider it a warning sign of more shit to come and make plans to protect yourself both emotionally and in every other way from being impacted by what will ikely be progressively more hostile gestures.

This was a hostile act. Period. Couched in a bunch of cowardly excuse making as a smoke screen.Its BS. LET IT GO as far as MIL is concerned, but take the conversation about all of this to the private worldof you and DH and come up with a united front, limits set, etc. Tell MIL as little as possible about your feelings. She doesnt care and never will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

Do more than this, OP. Seriously, you can drop her to large degree. No more phone calls from her--DH can handle them. Don't let her be your problem, drop the frequency of visits, let DH go on his own. DH can handle anything you have done for her like birthdays.

And stop paying their debt. 1) They clearly don't need it and 2) You have baby clothes to replace.

And Goodwill the ones that meant something to her unless you happen to like them.

What a cruel, terrible thing your MIL did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

Do more than this, OP. Seriously, you can drop her to large degree. No more phone calls from her--DH can handle them. Don't let her be your problem, drop the frequency of visits, let DH go on his own. DH can handle anything you have done for her like birthdays.

And stop paying their debt. 1) They clearly don't need it and 2) You have baby clothes to replace.

And Goodwill the ones that meant something to her unless you happen to like them.

What a cruel, terrible thing your MIL did.

This. I would not initiate any conversations with her. No engagement. Not just for 2 weeks--FROM NOW ON. If you need to know something from her, DH makes the call. If she calls, don't answer. Let it go to voicemail and have DH respond. If she speaks to you, respond politely with a minimal answer. Just don't engage. She sounds like poison.

[Anonymous]

This is clearly not a mistake, but rather an act of aggression.

WTF? It would really make me not trust her. You asked her to hold onto items that held monetary and sentimental value, and she used this as an opportunity to lash out at you. It's so shady! If it had been an honest mistake, she would have apologised rather than making conflicting excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she old? Her memory may be starting to go.

+1, plus- next time use bins that are identified on the outside and use someone elses's basement. I am glad your DH backed you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

She knows she was wrong but didn't apologize or offer to replace the clothes. Hell with that. Stop paying the debts. Tell her you need the money to replace all the baby's clothes and stroller. If your husband doesn't go along with this, cancel the checks he writes. Send a message to your husband and your MIL that you are PISSED. Money is usually the only thing people understand.

[Anonymous]

This would make me crazy. You have every right to be livid. I agree that this is a hostile, aggressive move and I would seriously limit her.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you guys rich? Why are you paying $80,000 for her debt? The timing seems strange: you pay the debt and two weeks later she commits a hostile act? How has she treated you in the past?

[Anonymous]

I am a fan of taking the high road. But this would piss me off, and I would definitely be very careful in my dealings with her in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is clearly not a mistake, but rather an act of aggression.

WTF? It would really make me not trust her. You asked her to hold onto items that held monetary and sentimental value, and she used this as an opportunity to lash out at you. It's so shady! If it had been an honest mistake, she would have apologised rather than making conflicting excuses.

+1 That is an act of petty rage. Anyone knows that baby clothes are very sentimental, even if they are not used for another child. BITCH.

[Anonymous]

Op here, no we are not rich. Her other son paid $80k. He did so by taking on a loan. And he's paying interest on that. My mil completely able and healthy hasn't worked one day in her life.

We pay $200/ month towards another debt for her. Her poor husband (fil) works 6 days a week, sometimes 14 hrs a day to make ends meet. We wouldn't discontinue bc we agreed to help him. We did so until end of this summer, so that'll go away soon enough.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her to her face that you are on to her and what she did, and that she better not cross you again. Then radio silence. Let her try to earn your trust again.

[Anonymous]

How old is your MIL?

What kind of trash bags did you put the clothes in, black or clear?