How would you handle this with your MIL? Threw out all my baby clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your MIL?

What kind of trash bags did you put the clothes in, black or clear?

Didn't you read the part about how MIL managed to remember to save the few dresses she gave OP from the same bag?

[Anonymous]

Your MIL won't change. It is in her nature to be mean and spiteful. Now that you know the true colors of your MIL, to the best of your ability you can try to protect yourself from more hurtful acts. Do limit your contact and do not get emotionally involved with her and just be careful. She will not change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your MIL?

What kind of trash bags did you put the clothes in, black or clear?

Didn't you read the part about how MIL managed to remember to save the few dresses she gave OP from the same bag?

Yup. Deliberate. But I hope you didn't take back those dresses!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your MIL?

What kind of trash bags did you put the clothes in, black or clear?

Didn't you read the part about how MIL managed to remember to save the few dresses she gave OP from the same bag?

That still leaves open the possibility that the MIL thought she was supposed to trash them, but kept a few sentimental items.

I once moved and thought it was a great idea to used trash bags. Pretty sure I threw stuff out, it sucks. Especially as people age they capacity to make logical sense goes down a lot.

If her MIL hasn't ever done something this hurtful before I would say a good chance is she could have the beginnings of dementia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, no we are not rich. Her other son paid $80k. He did so by taking on a loan. And he's paying interest on that. My mil completely able and healthy hasn't worked one day in her life.

We pay $200/ month towards another debt for her. Her poor husband (fil) works 6 days a week, sometimes 14 hrs a day to make ends meet. We wouldn't discontinue bc we agreed to help him. We did so until end of this summer, so that'll go away soon enough.

She is able bodied? Then she can get a part time job to make $200 per month to pay her own debt!!!! WTF. She is a monster that you have all enabled. There is no reason why any able bodied person can't bring in $200/month. that is $50 a week. She could babysit, work retail, a grocery store, ANYTHING.

Your husband is taking time away from your nuclear family to support this jerk? That needs to quit. 6 days a week, 14 hour days? No way he should be making any additional sacrifices for her at the expense of you and your kids!

[Anonymous]

Op, I totally agree that you should be mad. I would be furious. I don't know if this will help or not, but I saved all of my first DDs stuff just like you. We had paid storage unit because our house was too small. When 2nd DD came around a few years later, I actually used very little of the same clothing. I found things that I thought were so cute first time around just didn't looked as cute on 2nd DD. Some outfits just fit my idea of 1st DD and didn't seem right on 2nd DD. Some of the stuff that I thought was in good condition, had developed little stains. I guess what I am saying is you probably wouldn't have used as much of it on DD #2 as you think you would have. I am sorry about the clothes, I have had a hard time giving away my kids baby clothes because of an emotional attachment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

Ok do you know she lies and has poor money management, why would you trust her in the first place ?
Hindsight is 20/20, but I need to think about that .
And nog taking her calls for two weeks?
You sound just as passive aggressive as she is.

+1

[Anonymous]

Yes, baby clothes are sentimental and obviously worth something since you have another.

However, I think it's very over the top to start a war of roses over baby clothes. It sucks, grieve, and move on. This should not be allowed to impact your relationship with otherwise good grandparents.

[Anonymous]

"Your MIL won't change. It is in her nature to be mean and spiteful. Now that you know the true colors of your MIL, to the best of your ability you can try to protect yourself"

++ I don't understand why you/your DH are paying 200/month, you and BIL are just enabling her IMO. And she was very PA with the baby clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, baby clothes are sentimental and obviously worth something since you have another.

However, I think it's very over the top to start a war of roses over baby clothes. It sucks, grieve, and move on. This should not be allowed to impact your relationship with otherwise good grandparents.

The thing is, between the white lies and the financial issues, it sounds like MIL is not an "otherwise good" family member. OP is right to back way, way off.

[Anonymous]

OP ~ I'm guessing you've never had mutual respect with your MIL. Don't know why you would make the choice of having her safeguard your possessions. Move on from this experience. Don't try to figure her out, or think she should change. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I do not keep anything. I donate, throw things away, etc. There is no clutter in my house. I wouldn't have had baby clothes to store and even I am livid on your behalf. Here is what you need to realize now. Your MIL is not going to change. She isn't going to apologize. Be glad your husband took your side. My MIL was very destructive in the early years of my marriage and always appeared to be the sweetest little old lady in the world so no one (except my mother) believed any of my complaints about her blush*t. When I got to my last straw moment, I had it out with her. Afterward, I did not take any grand stand or make any speeches, I just stopped being helpful. She lives locally so if my husband wants to see his mother, he is welcome to make plans with her and he is welcome to take the kids with him. I make plans for Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday, and a joint outing that includes husband and kids brays (they are close in time). That's it. Other than that it is up to my husband to make plans to see her. Periodically he makes a pronouncement about how we need to make plans to see his mom more often and my stock response is, "Oh yes definitely." And then, this is the secret, I do *nothing*. I do not jump up to invite her for lunch next weekend or make plans to go on some outing. I leave all of that to him and he doesn't typically do anything. This strategy has worked really well for about 8 years.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a jerk. You can't divorce her completely, but 13:02 has it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

Do more than this, OP. Seriously, you can drop her to large degree. No more phone calls from her--DH can handle them. Don't let her be your problem, drop the frequency of visits, let DH go on his own. DH can handle anything you have done for her like birthdays.

And stop paying their debt. 1) They clearly don't need it and 2) You have baby clothes to replace.

And Goodwill the ones that meant something to her unless you happen to like them.

What a cruel, terrible thing your MIL did.

This. I would not initiate any conversations with her. No engagement. Not just for 2 weeks--FROM NOW ON. If you need to know something from her, DH makes the call. If she calls, don't answer. Let it go to voicemail and have DH respond. If she speaks to you, respond politely with a minimal answer. Just don't engage. She sounds like poison.

This is crazy! The MIL was in the wrong, but it's not worth it to become estranged over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All I'll do is not take her calls for two weeks. And limit interaction for a bit so she realizes she crossed a line.

I will let it go. But she broke my trust and I see her differently now. And she can lie all she wants. But she knows what she did was wrong. She's smarter than that.

What makes me angrier is her son paid off $80,000 of loans two weeks ago for she and her DH, and that same son is paying $1500 in interest (thru his line of credit for the loan payoff). We are paying $200/month in other debt they have. They have no issue taking from family and yet, act like money goes on trees for the rest of us. I have two children now and it would've been nice to reuse perfectly good clothes.

She knows she was wrong but didn't apologize or offer to replace the clothes. Hell with that. Stop paying the debts. Tell her you need the money to replace all the baby's clothes and stroller. If your husband doesn't go along with this, cancel the checks he writes. Send a message to your husband and your MIL that you are PISSED. Money is usually the only thing people understand.

I agree with this.

"So sorry MIL, but we really need the $ to buy baby clothes and other necessities for our second child. It's actually more than that -- you were dishonest and cruel with our things of great sentimental value, and honestly, we don't feel able to support you anymore. I'm sorry it had to come to this."