Questioning boarding school...mother's dilemma

[Anonymous]

After school, certainly not.
But at dinner, they certainly should be.
You must know, that has in fact been proven to be a MAJOR factor in future success?

What? Kids attending private day high schools who are not engaged in sports, debate, acting, and after school clubs/activities and report promptly for dinner and homework duty at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private boarding school certainly takes out the 'daily schlepping and waste of time factor' in exchange for 24/7 intellectual stimulation in the classroom, on stage, playing fields, in Dorm masters homes, and in the dining halls.

With the addition of skype, social media, cell phones and ease of getting around today the top notch boarding school is not this isolated banishment to Siberia that many here think. In fact, there may be more resurgent advantages over helicoptering back and forth with in traffic and figuring out how kids get to this and that after school activity/enrichment seamlessly.

At the end of the day high school kids I know aren't as a rule hanging out with mummy and daddy after school.

After school, certainly not.
But at dinner, they certainly should be.
You must know, that has in fact been proven to be a MAJOR factor in future success?

Yeah, that one study that said having family dinner is a MAJOR factor in future success. I remember when that came out.

So you breastfed for 2+ yrs too since there are even more studies about extended breast feeding being a MAJOR factor in IQ, right?

[Anonymous]

I spent a summer at Milton Academy as part of an honors program in high school and I LOVED it. I lived in a nearby town but I wanted to go to boarding school so badly. My parents were public school teachers and wouldn't let me apply. So I do think for some kids, boarding school is wonderful. However, that was a long time ago, and now I would worry about drugs. Kids from wealthy families generally go to boarding schools and have access to money for drugs. it is a huge problem. I say - why not compromise with a couple of summer programs OR maybe only two years of boarding school (junior and senior year)..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I am selfish but I want to be with my child as they are becoming who they will be.

I agree here. Your instincts are selfish. Beware, your doting presence may thwart who they would have become.

I totally disagree. I am so glad my parents didn't send me away. It may have suited their needs, but mine absolutely as well. And absolutely did hang out with them in high school. I give them total credit for my successes in life (which are what the parents on here usually say they want).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I am selfish but I want to be with my child as they are becoming who they will be.

I agree here. Your instincts are selfish. Beware, your doting presence may thwart who they would have become.

whereas throwing them to the wolves will support their finest ambitions?

I wouldn't call sending them to a 50k a yr school that has better facilities than most universities "throwing them to the wolves" especially if the kid WANTS to go.

[Anonymous]

My high school kids do not breast fed and because of their various activities (leadership, sports, etc) as well as mine, they may not report in at fixed times every day after school at 2 or 3 pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would i send a kid to boarding school. My college friends who came from them had either very messed up home lives which made it preferable or logistical reasons (parents stationed in developing countries with no good educational option). I am sure it is great for some people, but not worth the loss of closeness with the kid ( who is still a kid).

It's true that most kids in American boarding schools come from "messed up" home situations. Most of the other kids are foreign.

Day school person here -- but man do you all sound insular and provincial.

Not OP. Most of the opinions that say, " I did not go to boarding school and would never consider sending my child to boarding school b/c..." Are not particularly helpful.

From those with actual experience, it sounds like the best choice is to consider if your child wants to go.

As for boarding school is for kids with "messed up home lives, etc", OP is talking about Andover not reform school. Andover accepts around 20% of applicants less than most colleges.

Yes, i am one of the postrs who based it on my college friends. I am indeed referring to Andover, Exeter, etc. They were very bright
kids, but with absentee or messily divorced parents. And those are the ones who ended up at my Ivy.

So are you implying that Andover and similar boarding schools have more kids from "absentee or messily divorced parents" than say Sidwell, GDS, STA and other private day schools? I kind of doubt it but it would make an interesting study...

I don't know. I am only saying what i saw in the grads from those schools. By the way, i am not putting them down. Great people, many of them, but some tough, unhappy families. Except the ones whose parents were stationed internationally and that was the reason.

[Anonymous]

There are no wolves in the deep end of the pool. But, if your high school student prefers to sit with mummy in the shallow end of pool with rubber rafts around the midsection and limbs that certainly your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Do you think local private schools are comparable up Andover? I'm not from this area and would consider saving a ton in order to send dc to a local private. This might be a compromise for dh in terms of dc getting a great education but not going to his alma mater.

Dc is open to the idea. We toured a few years ago when in the area and he was excited. Now that it's more of a reality, he seems excited but nervous about being on his own. Dh says totally normal at this stage and I say keep my baby home!!

I didn't read the thread, but wanted to comment. Yes, there are great private schools here where your child will get a wonderful education equal to or even better than the education he could expect to receive at Andover.

FWIW, my father and brother went to Andover. Both were bent by the experience. Really ruined, if you must know the truth. I know this may not be typical, but it happened in my family. And my brother chose Andover because my father went there.

I stayed at home and went to public school. I went to an Ivy, so had no problem getting in from a public school.

Personally, I would never send my children to boarding school. I know parents who do, and whose kids ended up leaving their boarding schools and coming home. IMHO, these kids are too young to be away from home. That was certainly the case with my brother. I think it's extremely important for parents to keep close ties to their children during the teen years. I shudder to think what my kids would be doing if I were not around them. These are tough years -- why depend on strangers to raise your kids during this crucial time? I'd never do it, not even for Andover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

After school, certainly not.
But at dinner, they certainly should be.
You must know, that has in fact been proven to be a MAJOR factor in future success?

What? Kids attending private day high schools who are not engaged in sports, debate, acting, and after school clubs/activities and report promptly for dinner and homework duty at home?

Most days, we did, yes. Very close relationship with parents to this day, and very healthy. It allowed my parents to know us well enough to spot potential problems, raise red flags with certain friends, and call us on our BS. Worked for me, and i intend to do that with mine. Good luck to others.

[Anonymous]

I spent a summer at Milton Academy as part of an honors program in high school and I LOVED it. I lived in a nearby town but I wanted to go to boarding school so badly. My parents were public school teachers and wouldn't let me apply. So I do think for some kids, boarding school is wonderful. However, that was a long time ago, and now I would worry about drugs. Kids from wealthy families generally go to boarding schools and have access to money for drugs. it is a huge problem. I say - why not compromise with a couple of summer programs OR maybe only two years of boarding school (junior and senior year)..

Do I escape these wealthy kids by moving out of my Chevy Chase neighborhood or private day school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are no wolves in the deep end of the pool. But, if your high school student prefers to sit with mummy in the shallow end of pool with rubber rafts around the midsection and limbs that certainly your choice.

That's pretty darned ignorant. Do you really think people that don't go to boarding school are sheltered? Really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I spent a summer at Milton Academy as part of an honors program in high school and I LOVED it. I lived in a nearby town but I wanted to go to boarding school so badly. My parents were public school teachers and wouldn't let me apply. So I do think for some kids, boarding school is wonderful. However, that was a long time ago, and now I would worry about drugs. Kids from wealthy families generally go to boarding schools and have access to money for drugs. it is a huge problem. I say - why not compromise with a couple of summer programs OR maybe only two years of boarding school (junior and senior year)..

Do I escape these wealthy kids by moving out of my Chevy Chase neighborhood or private day school?

That would be a start. But even if you stay there, at least you can see your kid every day, and if you do a decent job can spot signs of drug use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I spent a summer at Milton Academy as part of an honors program in high school and I LOVED it. I lived in a nearby town but I wanted to go to boarding school so badly. My parents were public school teachers and wouldn't let me apply. So I do think for some kids, boarding school is wonderful. However, that was a long time ago, and now I would worry about drugs. Kids from wealthy families generally go to boarding schools and have access to money for drugs. it is a huge problem. I say - why not compromise with a couple of summer programs OR maybe only two years of boarding school (junior and senior year)..

Do I escape these wealthy kids by moving out of my Chevy Chase neighborhood or private day school?

You don't escape anything, including your family.
That's the entire point. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I spent a summer at Milton Academy as part of an honors program in high school and I LOVED it. I lived in a nearby town but I wanted to go to boarding school so badly. My parents were public school teachers and wouldn't let me apply. So I do think for some kids, boarding school is wonderful. However, that was a long time ago, and now I would worry about drugs. Kids from wealthy families generally go to boarding schools and have access to money for drugs. it is a huge problem. I say - why not compromise with a couple of summer programs OR maybe only two years of boarding school (junior and senior year)..

Do I escape these wealthy kids by moving out of my Chevy Chase neighborhood or private day school?

That would be a start. But even if you stay there, at least you can see your kid every day, and if you do a decent job can spot signs of drug use.

Exactly.