Questioning boarding school...mother's dilemma

[Anonymous]

My husband went to boarding school and HATED it. His younger brother went to the same boarding school and LOVED it. I think it just depends on the child. Does your son want to go? Personally, I would be a mess if my kids went to boarding school, but that is me and I know that does NOT mean I love my kids anymore than the next person.

(14:03 - Are you serious?! I seriously think there are posters /haters on this forum who just come to harass and judge people.)

[Anonymous]

In American society, it seems that the traditionally acceptable age for a child to move away from home is 18 when they go off to college. I think it's hard to consider that your child may go off to school 4 years earlier than many American children. However, it many parts of the world, boarding school is the norm for upper class families. As other posters have pointed out, American families often choose boarding school when their local public/private options are limited and the family cannot move to a different location.

This is a family decision. One you, your husband, and your child all need to be comfortable with. I would sit down with your family and share how you feel, allow your child to share how they feel, and also give your husband the same opportunity. Once all the cards are on the table, then you can realistically decide if this is the right decision for your family.

Good luck

[Anonymous]

Oh, man. Props to parents who could let their kid go for his own good. That's not me. Four years and three IVFs to create my special snowflake, no way I'm letting him go a minute before I have to, poor kid. #annalsofclingyparenting

[Anonymous]

I have one at boarding school and while it's not easy, she loves it and it's great for her future. We Skype and visit quite often. If your son got in to Andover, he has a bright future, with or without boarding school. In the end, it's all about him, not you. Please go on College Confidential's pre-college section and read about the pluses and minuses from the parent standpoint. And congratulations on your son's acceptance!

[Anonymous]

If your DH's family has all gone to boarding school, and he is advocating for it, then I think that DH (and perhaps your in-laws) may be disappointed if your son does not follow in this family tradition.

However, if boarding school feels truly wrong to you or your son, then you should advocate against it. Indeed, why did you let him apply if you have all these misgivings?

[Anonymous]

It boils down to fit. The posters so frightened of letting their children go and probably the same ones trying to kick them out of the basement when they return home from college without a self-sustainable job. If you child is biting at the bit to go, let him go. Part of life's lessons for maturing kids is getting out of their comfort zone or box, perhaps failing, but learning to get back up. The sooner this lesson learned the better.

[Anonymous]

I was once offered a position as an intern/dorm assistant at a boarding school.

I was 23. The school administrators didn't know me at all (though I did go to a private high school so maybe they called there for a reference). I had never been so much as a camp counselor. For the year, I was offered three thousand for the dorm assistant position and five thousand for the internship. So 8000 total for the year.

The thought they would put me in charge of thirty or forty teenagers made me question the wisdom of sending kids to boarding school.

[Anonymous]

I think one of the reasons dc is not a big boarding school town is that there are so many good day schools. Sidwell, gds, ncs, etc are great so why send your fourteen year old away?

[Anonymous]

I think one of the reasons dc is not a big boarding school town is that there are so many good day schools. Sidwell, gds, ncs, etc are great so why send your fourteen year old away?

Not quite good enough for the global education we are seeking.

[Anonymous]

I think you have to know your kid and whether or not they are the kind of kid who will thrive at boarding school, grow with the independence, and get a good experience out of the rigorous academics, or whether they are the sort that needs more guidance. It can be a great fit for some kids, and not such a great fit for others. I realize it's hard to let your baby go, but I find some of the judgmental remarks on this board every time boarding school comes up to be kind of off-putting. I know plenty of great parents whose kids attend boarding school--including a kid I babysat for who wanted to play hockey at a higher level, was extremely independent, and didn't fit in the social environment of her local high school and attended Choate. She kept in touch with phone/Skype and remember breaks are longer at boarding school. It was a very good fit for her. Other people, not so much. But don't let other parents guilt you over being a bad parent because your kid goes to boarding school. For the right kid, it could be a great experience.

At that age, I think the kid should have a say about whether or not they are ready to leave the house. If your kid is ready and your DH is on board and you are willing to pay that much, then go for it. If your kid seems ambivalent and you get the impression your DH is pushing him into a situation he might not be comfortable with, luckily there are some great prep schools in DC where your kid can get a fantastic education. There are all kinds of ways to be a close family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It boils down to fit. The posters so frightened of letting their children go and probably the same ones trying to kick them out of the basement when they return home from college without a self-sustainable job. If you child is biting at the bit to go, let him go. Part of life's lessons for maturing kids is getting out of their comfort zone or box, perhaps failing, but learning to get back up. The sooner this lesson learned the better.

But... but... I need to be able to smell his hair.

(Okay, my DS is only 5, maybe I'll feel differently when he's 15?)

[Anonymous]

I think you have to know your kid and whether or not they are the kind of kid who will thrive at boarding school, grow with the independence, and get a good experience out of the rigorous academics, or whether they are the sort that needs more guidance. It can be a great fit for some kids, and not such a great fit for others. I realize it's hard to let your baby go, but I find some of the judgmental remarks on this board every time boarding school comes up to be kind of off-putting. I know plenty of great parents whose kids attend boarding school--including a kid I babysat for who wanted to play hockey at a higher level, was extremely independent, and didn't fit in the social environment of her local high school and attended Choate. She kept in touch with phone/Skype and remember breaks are longer at boarding school. It was a very good fit for her. Other people, not so much. But don't let other parents guilt you over being a bad parent because your kid goes to boarding school. For the right kid, it could be a great experience.

At that age, I think the kid should have a say about whether or not they are ready to leave the house. If your kid is ready and your DH is on board and you are willing to pay that much, then go for it. If your kid seems ambivalent and you get the impression your DH is pushing him into a situation he might not be comfortable with, luckily there are some great prep schools in DC where your kid can get a fantastic education. There are all kinds of ways to be a close family.

Don't worry. Given the state of parenthood around here this is the last of the poster's worries.

[Anonymous]

My kids attend/ed a DC independent school, but they have cousins and friends who attend/ed boarding school, so we are somewhat familiar with the pros and cons. For our family, though the teen years have been challenging, they have also been precious. We shared late night talks, rarely missed a game or meet, got to know the kids' wonderful circle of friends -- really, I wouldn't have traded a minute of it. Our two oldest, who have gone on to university, have many classmates who went to the top boarding schools (Exeter, Andover, etc.). Our kids seem to be holding their own.

[Anonymous]

Dad went to boarding school. All of sibs went to prestigious boarding schools (Exeter, Groton). Nephews and nieces went to prestigious day schools in New York (St Ann's). Both my kids want to go to boarding school (as opposed to day school). Go figure, I guess they have enjoyed the shared 5 year reunions with families from Boarding school to college to graduate schools. If we can manage, we have no problems accommodating their wishes. They key is finding the right fit-boarding school-to allow each child to blossom.

[Anonymous]

Our extended family has sent many children to various boarding school over the years. Think this through very, very carefully. Although some had good experiences, plenty of others experienced sexual abuse (other students or adults in charge), drugs and very mature situations at a too-young age. The sexual abuse and experimentation stories we've heard from family members is absolutely enough to never consider sending my children. Think it through very carefully.