Questioning boarding school...mother's dilemma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I am selfish but I want to be with my child as they are becoming who they will be.

I agree here. Your instincts are selfish. Beware, your doting presence may thwart who they would have become.

whereas throwing them to the wolves will support their finest ambitions?

I wouldn't call sending them to a 50k a yr school that has better facilities than most universities "throwing them to the wolves" especially if the kid WANTS to go.

I bet your kid WANTS to go to certain parties to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private boarding school certainly takes out the 'daily schlepping and waste of time factor' in exchange for 24/7 intellectual stimulation in the classroom, on stage, playing fields, in Dorm masters homes, and in the dining halls.

With the addition of skype, social media, cell phones and ease of getting around today the top notch boarding school is not this isolated banishment to Siberia that many here think. In fact, there may be more resurgent advantages over helicoptering back and forth with in traffic and figuring out how kids get to this and that after school activity/enrichment seamlessly.

At the end of the day high school kids I know aren't as a rule hanging out with mummy and daddy after school.

After school, certainly not.
But at dinner, they certainly should be.
You must know, that has in fact been proven to be a MAJOR factor in future success?

Yeah, that one study that said having family dinner is a MAJOR factor in future success. I remember when that came out.

So you breastfed for 2+ yrs too since there are even more studies about extended breast feeding being a MAJOR factor in IQ, right?

Why yes, I did, as a matter of fact.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the thread, but wanted to comment. Yes, there are great private schools here where your child will get a wonderful education equal to or even better than the education he could expect to receive at Andover.

FWIW, my father and brother went to Andover. Both were bent by the experience. Really ruined, if you must know the truth. I know this may not be typical, but it happened in my family. And my brother chose Andover because my father went there.

I stayed at home and went to public school. I went to an Ivy, so had no problem getting in from a public school.

Personally, I would never send my children to boarding school. I know parents who do, and whose kids ended up leaving their boarding schools and coming home. IMHO, these kids are too young to be away from home. That was certainly the case with my brother. I think it's extremely important for parents to keep close ties to their children during the teen years. I shudder to think what my kids would be doing if I were not around them. These are tough years -- why depend on strangers to raise your kids during this crucial time? I'd never do it, not even for Andover.

Sounds like George Bushes.

Schools like Exeter and Andover require a mature and confident student at 14. The experience at smaller more nurturing and structured environments like Middlesex and Groton may have yielded the exact opposite effect. Exeter and Andover are like going to Amherst, Williams and Swarthmore ... 4 years earlier. Some kids can't handle and manage the course choices, athletic choices, club and activity choices. These choices seem infinite. For the right student (fit) mature with excellent organisation and management skills an opportunity like Andover and Exeter is God sent. For others, there are smaller and more structured and nurturing environments equally as life changing.

It's very important to match the kid to the school environment and ethos. My older child would thrive at Groton over Exeter. The younger one would thrive at Andover, Exeter, or Choate. The child may outgrow Groton/Middlesex before the 12th Grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Summary of the evidence presented thus far:

"I have seen disastrous results with kids who attend boarding school, and public school, and private day school..."

"Sex, drugs, and alcohol are prevalent amongst kids attending boarding school, and public school and private day school ..."

"The most successful adults I know went to boarding school, and public school and private day school..."

Parents who send their kids to boarding school, and public school, and private day school are single parents and divorcees.."

"Mine is bigger than yours"

+1. Add "I am a better parent than you b/c I send my kid to a boarding, private day, or public school."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I am selfish but I want to be with my child as they are becoming who they will be.

I agree here. Your instincts are selfish. Beware, your doting presence may thwart who they would have become.

whereas throwing them to the wolves will support their finest ambitions?

I wouldn't call sending them to a 50k a yr school that has better facilities than most universities "throwing them to the wolves" especially if the kid WANTS to go.

I bet your kid WANTS to go to certain parties to.

No, he doesn't. His primary interest is math.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like George Bushes.

Schools like Exeter and Andover require a mature and confident student at 14. The experience at smaller more nurturing and structured environments like Middlesex and Groton may have yielded the exact opposite effect. Exeter and Andover are like going to Amherst, Williams and Swarthmore ... 4 years earlier. Some kids can't handle and manage the course choices, athletic choices, club and activity choices. These choices seem infinite. For the right student (fit) mature with excellent organisation and management skills an opportunity like Andover and Exeter is God sent. For others, there are smaller and more structured and nurturing environments equally as life changing.

It's very important to match the kid to the school environment and ethos. My older child would thrive at Groton over Exeter. The younger one would thrive at Andover, Exeter, or Choate. The child may outgrow Groton/Middlesex before the 12th Grade.

I guess for some Sidwell may turn out a disaster over Maret depending on the child.

[Anonymous]

The better parent is the one who has his child's best interests in mind, not whatever you or your kid "WANTS".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe I am selfish but I want to be with my child as they are becoming who they will be.

I agree here. Your instincts are selfish. Beware, your doting presence may thwart who they would have become.

whereas throwing them to the wolves will support their finest ambitions?

I wouldn't call sending them to a 50k a yr school that has better facilities than most universities "throwing them to the wolves" especially if the kid WANTS to go.

I bet your kid WANTS to go to certain parties to.

No, he doesn't. His primary interest is math.

No drinking or drugs yet? Count your blessings. Good luck to your family. Hope it all works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The better parent is the one who has his child's best interests in mind, not whatever you or your kid "WANTS".

You know that a child's best interests and what the you and your child WANTS is not always contradictory, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it would be a shame to deny your son this opportunity that others would love. Hard to get admitted to Andover.

This is exactly the sort of advice that OP should ignore.

+1

I think boarding school is an anachronism. I don't understand why anyone in this day and age would send a child to boarding school unless they needed to get the kid out of a bad home situation or if the local schools were subpar. In England some people still send their kids off to school at age 8. That's why those upper class twits are so completely screwed up! Some traditions are best abandoned. Boarding school is one of them.

[Anonymous]

The better parent is the one who has his child's best interests in mind, not whatever you or your kid "WANTS".

not
Your statement is incomplete: The better parent is the one who has his child's best interests in mind, not whatever you or your kid "WANTS" or "DOES NOT WANT"

Now, who is you?

And who determines the best interest of the child? (the courts?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it would be a shame to deny your son this opportunity that others would love. Hard to get admitted to Andover.

This is exactly the sort of advice that OP should ignore.

+1

I think boarding school is an anachronism. I don't understand why anyone in this day and age would send a child to boarding school unless they needed to get the kid out of a bad home situation or if the local schools were subpar. In England some people still send their kids off to school at age 8. That's why those upper class twits are so completely screwed up! Some traditions are best abandoned. Boarding school is one of them.

Best post so far. Children and adolescents need solid parenting.

[Anonymous]

I think boarding school is an anachronism. I don't understand why anyone in this day and age would send a child to boarding school unless they needed to get the kid out of a bad home situation or if the local schools were subpar. In England some people still send their kids off to school at age 8. That's why those upper class twits are so completely screwed up! Some traditions are best abandoned. Boarding school is one of them.

You may be right. There are public schools in every neighborhood. Private school education is an anachronism. 90% of American children attend public schools. In America some people (10%) still send their kids to private school. This must explain why this upper crust twits are completely screwed up in America (like Mitt Romney). Some elitist American traditions are best abandoned. Private school is one of them the vast majority of children in America attend public school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Summary of the evidence presented thus far:

"I have seen disastrous results with kids who attend boarding school, and public school, and private day school..."

"Sex, drugs, and alcohol are prevalent amongst kids attending boarding school, and public school and private day school ..."

"The most successful adults I know went to boarding school, and public school and private day school..."

Parents who send their kids to boarding school, and public school, and private day school are single parents and divorcees.."

"Mine is bigger than yours"

+1. Add "I am a better parent than you b/c I send my kid to a boarding, private day, or public school."

Another:

The parent who sends their kid to boarding, private day, or public school has their child best interest in mind unlike those who send them to boarding, private day or public schools who are so selfish and doing only what they and their child WANTS without regard for their child's well being.

[Anonymous]

Best post so far. Children and adolescents need solid parenting.

Only the 10% in America are solid parents. Their kids attend private school. The public school parents are part of the 47% who do not pay any taxes and mouche off us.