DH - "You didn't even start dinner?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The comments to the baby about "bad mommy" are appalling. That to me is very worrisome, and an unacceptable attitude to have with a partner.

Seriously - who the fuck is this guy to go around saying this to your baby?

[Anonymous]

My DH knows better than to ever say these things. Although he seems to have been sick for most of the latter half of my pregnancy, which tends to have about the same net result of husband who expressly thinks I should keep up my "share" of the household labor... But reading this thread makes me feel slightly better about him...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't figured this out by the third baby, why do you keep having them? Put the infant down, shower and fix dinner. I had three and with each was up and taking care of things by the end of the first week. Stitches, tear and all---stop being so freaking helpless.

You're amazing. Would you like a medal or biscuit?

Agree with 1st poster. Better start to plan better and multi task. Life goes on with or without a newborn in the house. You have 3 kids in the house now, it's not all magically going to be easy.

Signed,
Mom of 3 kids under age 4.

Did you have Pre-e and postpartum pre-e? No? Then shut up. 2 weeks PP after being sick with pre-e is no joke. OP, all the best to you. I had severe pre-e with my 3rd child and it took my body a long time to fully recover. I never got off the BP meds, unfortunately.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

Come back and post again once you have kids. Kids turn decent men into terrible people, no joke.

No kids currently at home. We raised 5. My husband became my right arm and still is.

[Anonymous]

Agree that many decent men turn into a$$holes once kids enter the picture. Men overall seem to have difficulty multitasking the way women do. I also think many men still expect to be "taken care of" by their wives, the way their mothers took care of them. So when children enter the picture, the men feel more helpless and less cared for. So they lash out. I bet OP's husband had a mother who did everything for him, and an uninvolved father. He can't help himself.

OP - encourage your husband to break the cycle. He's being a really mean and unempathetic ass to be giving you digs about breastfeeding, and making passive aggressive comments about prepping dinner, when you're 2 weeks postpartum AND getting over complications from postpartum hypertension.

Given the hypertension, I'm really surprised he's not sharing more of the load. You need to get better for yourself and your babies. Can you hire a nurse to come in and help with baby? Or even a mothers helper to assist with dinner?

I would tell DH that he needs to help hire additional help if he expects you to take care of yourself, a newborn, run the house, breastfeed, all while trying to recover from a very serious medical complication (hypertension). You're DH needs to take pressure OFF you. Not add to it!

[Anonymous]

You deserve it for having 3 kids with that POS!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't figured this out by the third baby, why do you keep having them? Put the infant down, shower and fix dinner. I had three and with each was up and taking care of things by the end of the first week. Stitches, tear and all---stop being so freaking helpless.

You're amazing. Would you like a medal or biscuit?

Agree with 1st poster. Better start to plan better and multi task. Life goes on with or without a newborn in the house. You have 3 kids in the house now, it's not all magically going to be easy.

Signed,
Mom of 3 kids under age 4.

Did you have Pre-e and postpartum pre-e? No? Then shut up. 2 weeks PP after being sick with pre-e is no joke. OP, all the best to you. I had severe pre-e with my 3rd child and it took my body a long time to fully recover. I never got off the BP meds, unfortunately.

+1

OP didn't say anything about prenatal or post partum complications. Sounds like are the exception and not the rule.

+1 for the 1st two posters about OP starting to learn to multi task, plan better, and allowing yourself to put the baby down to handle other things that go on besides a newborn in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't figured this out by the third baby, why do you keep having them? Put the infant down, shower and fix dinner. I had three and with each was up and taking care of things by the end of the first week. Stitches, tear and all---stop being so freaking helpless.

You're amazing. Would you like a medal or biscuit?

Agree with 1st poster. Better start to plan better and multi task. Life goes on with or without a newborn in the house. You have 3 kids in the house now, it's not all magically going to be easy.

Signed,
Mom of 3 kids under age 4.

Did you have Pre-e and postpartum pre-e? No? Then shut up. 2 weeks PP after being sick with pre-e is no joke. OP, all the best to you. I had severe pre-e with my 3rd child and it took my body a long time to fully recover. I never got off the BP meds, unfortunately.

+1

OP didn't say anything about prenatal or post partum complications. Sounds like are the exception and not the rule.

+1 for the 1st two posters about OP starting to learn to multi task, plan better, and allowing yourself to put the baby down to handle other things that go on besides a newborn in the house.

You just didn't care to read. She did say she had pre-e and blood pressure complications post delivery. She mentioned that she will see a cardiologist at 6 weeks PP to see if she can be weaned off the meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I also will add that, yes, I realize this is #3 and I should have a better handle of things. Unfortunately, this pregnancy has been much harder to recover from. I had postpartum complications with preeclampsia and have been on various medications to manage it, including some with severe side effects, and I also am struggling more with BF and had a close call with mastitis requiring antibiotics, which is now resulting in thrush. All in all just more difficult and uncomfortable and itchy-painful. Not to mention dealing with BP meds and dizziness/exhaustion.

Makes DHs comments that much more intolerable when my coping mechanisms are already at an all time low.

For you, PP. You are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't figured this out by the third baby, why do you keep having them? Put the infant down, shower and fix dinner. I had three and with each was up and taking care of things by the end of the first week. Stitches, tear and all---stop being so freaking helpless.

You're amazing. Would you like a medal or biscuit?

Agree with 1st poster. Better start to plan better and multi task. Life goes on with or without a newborn in the house. You have 3 kids in the house now, it's not all magically going to be easy.

Signed,
Mom of 3 kids under age 4.

Did you have Pre-e and postpartum pre-e? No? Then shut up. 2 weeks PP after being sick with pre-e is no joke. OP, all the best to you. I had severe pre-e with my 3rd child and it took my body a long time to fully recover. I never got off the BP meds, unfortunately.

+1

OP didn't say anything about prenatal or post partum complications. Sounds like are the exception and not the rule.

+1 for the 1st two posters about OP starting to learn to multi task, plan better, and allowing yourself to put the baby down to handle other things that go on besides a newborn in the house.

Yes she did. Reading comprehension issue, or did you just read the posts that agree with you?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, I had and am still having BP complications postpartum. Am on two meds and am seeing a cardiologist every week. No fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

Come back and post again once you have kids. Kids turn decent men into terrible people, no joke.

What bullshit. If that's true, they do far worse to decent women.

[Anonymous]

Ok - so yes this is clearly a crappy reaction from him - but in DH defense - hes probably tired too - with going back to work and 3 kids at home and a wife who just delivered. So as much as he is tagged as a "douche" sometimes you just gotta give him a reminder that yeah - life is getting harder and everyone is a bit more stretched and tired.

Rather than the many angry ball kicking suggestions you received (and should act on if he continues this!) maybe an approach is to just both agree on a plan on how you'll adjust from a family of 4 to a family of 5. Getting into a routine is the hardest part and setting expectations and roles helps so people aren't accusatory or passive aggressive.

So say - hey - weekends, when you are here with the kids to help - sure Ill handle meals - but on the weekdays I need some help thinking through dinner. lets split nights. or something to this affect.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the previous suggestions. DH is older than I am (he's in his mid-40s), and I just think he is angry at having to go through this phase again. Especially financially with daycare etc. But, he had everything to do with this baby, despite his frequent declarations that the baby was my idea. And baby is here now, so what's the point in dwelling on the past. It certainly doesn't help my blood pressure.

We talked vasectomy but he was too chicken to get one. Even now he is saying it over and over, but hasn't scheduled anything. He is suggesting that I "get fixed" and even suggested that I have an elective Cesarian so I could "get fixed" at the same time as giving birth. Nice....

It's just a rough situation. He wasnt particularly involved with our older two as babies, and now is being forced to. He is a more cynical and sarcastic type and I don't think he enjoys parenting. Yes, He wanted two kids bc it was the thing to do and expected - he wanted the "pleasantville" ideal not realizing the work involved. But he isn't joyful or lighthearted about being a dad. To him it's all duty and responsibility and money. So #3 is hitting him particularly hard and he lashes out at me. Undeservedly.

We are going to counseling this week!

[Anonymous]

OP again.

For the other expectant moms on the board, I just found out that a local meal delivery service called Lets Dish offers free delivery to new moms for 90 days after baby is born.

I'm definitely going to check it out to avoid the dinner issues. From what the website says, the meal prep is easy enough that even DH can do it.