DH - "You didn't even start dinner?"

[Anonymous]

NP here - considering everything, I'm amazed at how balanced and thoughtful you sound, OP. You're clearly a strong woman. Not sure I could hold things together as well as you seem to be, if I were in your situation.

[Anonymous]

Wow your DH is such an ass! I feel so bad for you.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sucks. I still wouldn't threaten divorce because I think that's a dick move. Mine calls on the way home to check if I have dinner started or planned and if I say I just couldn't do it, he offers to pick something up. Tell your husband to do that from now on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Hey. Stop defending yourself. Having a baby is hard work. Having a baby when you can't devote all your time, attention and energy to it is even harder. Having a baby without a supportive partner is even harder. Do you have any nearby friends or family? Temple or church? Midwife or doula or coworkers or neighbors? Put the word out that you're having a hard time. Let some nice granny neighbor lady come over for an hour and hold the baby while you shower and prep some food. Let some nerdy 14 yr old girl come hold the baby while you prep some healthy foods for a couple of days. Reach out for help and accept what comes back. Tell DH he's being an ass and his passive-aggressive comments need to stop immediately. That this was a joint decision, it's done now, and he needs to be the supportive husband and father you KNOW he's got in him. Do you have daughters, OP? Would your husband want his daughters to grow up to marry a man who kicks them when they're struggling? He is being the example of what they'll go for in the future. He is teaching his sons how to become husbands and fathers through his example of how he treats you. He needs to STFU.

Fuck, I just want to come over and make you some low-sodium soup and do some laundry while you take a bath, and "accidentally" kick your husband in the balls while doing it. Twice.

+1 billion. Thank you for the sympathetic and non-snarky advice. I am not the OP, bit see that she did indeed reach out to family. I hope she's on her way to getting the support and rest she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here - considering everything, I'm amazed at how balanced and thoughtful you sound, OP. You're clearly a strong woman. Not sure I could hold things together as well as you seem to be, if I were in your situation.

+10000

I have an 11 week old and no other kids and am not half as put together as you are OP. Luckily I have a great DH who handled meals and just about everything else. You are doing great. Each day and week will get easier and as you feel better you will be able to get DH to see that he needs I get it together. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. And to the PPs defending DH, you are unbelievable! I agree with the pp that it never ceases to amaze me how rotten some DHs and DWs are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

Very true.
The ones bashing OP have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Take it hour by hour, OP. I am rooting for you.

[Anonymous]

If you OP bashing posters had a delightful recovery, bully for you. Some people are still having a tough go of it at 2 weeks, or more. Where's your empathy?

It's not a crime against humanity that OP doesn't have a steaming meal ready for her kids. Haven't you ever brought your kids home with nothing ready yet... You throw them some carrot sticks and crackers and whip up a 10 minute meal. DH can't do this without snarking his wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just stared at him and walked away.

Seems appropriate.

+1

[Anonymous]

your original Q was are you overreacting. Given the details you've filled in about DH not being on board with #3 I'd say you're not, but this is a bigger problem. Is he sleep deprived? Even my DH, who is a dream and would do anything for me, had his asshole moments in the sleep deprived newborn days. Can he sleep on the couch for a few days to regain his sanity and then you talk to him about accepting #3? Or is the conversation only possible in a therapy context?

Why did you post in Expectant Moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:your original Q was are you overreacting. Given the details you've filled in about DH not being on board with #3 I'd say you're not, but this is a bigger problem. Is he sleep deprived? Even my DH, who is a dream and would do anything for me, had his asshole moments in the sleep deprived newborn days. Can he sleep on the couch for a few days to regain his sanity and then you talk to him about accepting #3? Or is the conversation only possible in a therapy context?

Why did you post in Expectant Moms?

Really? Of all the things…. probably because she is used to posting here for the past 9 months and was tired and pissed and she posted?

And about her husband: he is not sleep deprived. Did you read her op? When she said she is being taking care of all the night feedings and diaper changing while her husband sleeps in another room? If he is sleep deprived, it is only because he is an asshole and guilty is consuming him during the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Couldn't dinner be something that didn't have to be started ahead of time? Make some soup and sandwiches. Food doesn't have to be sitting on the table when they come through the door.

I would rather get the laundry caught up and have a simple meal than have a pile of dirty clothes and a nice oven cooked meal. No matter how many kids I had.

Exactly. People are making this so black and white, as though the options are A) mom has dinner ready and on the table when dh gets home; or B) DH should have taken control of dinner. There are other options that involve working together as a family. Maybe OP thought it'd be easier to start dinner once dh came home. He could hold the baby, the older kids could have a snack, and she could whip up dinner (or dh could make the dinner, either way).

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? Maybe they can fix dinner?

[Anonymous]

Pour some cereal and milk in a bowl and voila -- dinner. I do this all the time. If DH/kids don't like it, they can make their own dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's tired too. Try to be kind to each other.

+1