DH - "You didn't even start dinner?"

[Anonymous]

OP,

The next time he says something like that when holding the baby - just march up to within an inch of his face, raise your voice and state that you will not be sabotaged behind your back, that he better start pulling his weight, and stop the negative attitude. You are the one who has been sick and needs to recover, and he can stop being passive-aggressive and start acting like a man. Finally, that he should apologize for his entitled behavior. Leave the dishes in the sink and go to bed with baby. Don't lift a finger for him until he apologizes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

The next time he says something like that when holding the baby - just march up to within an inch of his face, raise your voice and state that you will not be sabotaged behind your back, that he better start pulling his weight, and stop the negative attitude. You are the one who has been sick and needs to recover, and he can stop being passive-aggressive and start acting like a man. Finally, that he should apologize for his entitled behavior. Leave the dishes in the sink and go to bed with baby. Don't lift a finger for him until he apologizes.

Is that really how you feel a spouse should act when frustrated? Is that how you want your husband to treat you when he is upset with you? To get up in your face and yell? Tell you you better start acting like a woman?

Ops added details make this seem like her husband had big problems and is borderline abusive. Getting abusive back is not going to make any situation better. The fact OPs DH wasn't like this before is at least a hopeful sign that he is just really not coping well right now with life and needs to get his act together. Op, hope things get better for you soon.

And OP about 95% of the woman on here also don't see value in a woman staying home with the kids or child rearing and also see it as a vacation - so that is likely a sentiment that your husband may be picking up from the women he works with. People on here tell SAHMs with little ones all the time that they should have dinner on the table and have all the housework done if they are home all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

The next time he says something like that when holding the baby - just march up to within an inch of his face, raise your voice and state that you will not be sabotaged behind your back, that he better start pulling his weight, and stop the negative attitude. You are the one who has been sick and needs to recover, and he can stop being passive-aggressive and start acting like a man. Finally, that he should apologize for his entitled behavior. Leave the dishes in the sink and go to bed with baby. Don't lift a finger for him until he apologizes.

Is that really how you feel a spouse should act when frustrated? Is that how you want your husband to treat you when he is upset with you? To get up in your face and yell? Tell you you better start acting like a woman?

Ops added details make this seem like her husband had big problems and is borderline abusive. Getting abusive back is not going to make any situation better. The fact OPs DH wasn't like this before is at least a hopeful sign that he is just really not coping well right now with life and needs to get his act together. Op, hope things get better for you soon.

And OP about 95% of the woman on here also don't see value in a woman staying home with the kids or child rearing and also see it as a vacation - so that is likely a sentiment that your husband may be picking up from the women he works with. People on here tell SAHMs with little ones all the time that they should have dinner on the table and have all the housework done if they are home all day.

I'm the PP you quoted. Sometimes you've got to do just that, to draw attention to the injustice, and it depends on the relationship you have with your husband. I have had to do this twice in our 10-year marriage. Both times, DH was shocked that his mild-mannered wife would blow up like that, realized that he had crossed a line, and after mulling it over, came to apologize. On rare occasions (2 or 3 times), DH has been up in my face yelling. I also stayed cool and paused to consider that he would never act this way if he were not truly upset over something big, like disrespect.
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On this occasion, OP is being disrespected. She should do something about it before it gets worse. I suggested my way, but feel free to suggest another.

[Anonymous]

You had kids together, you share the work together. He should have had a vasectomy after the second if he didn't want another one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should've called him and told him to pick something up or gone out to get dinner yourself. Are the two older kids usually starving when you get home? This is the third time you've done this so get it together.

I agree. Stop whining, OP. You have three kids, grow up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

+1 billion.

Amen! I just read the quotes and said I am so lucky. My husband wakes and does the overnights. He's one in a million. I do days. When dd was a newborn, we split the shifts. LO never latched because of a tongue thrust so I pumped. OP, you don't need to take the crap other women and your husband are shoveling. It's called a fourth trimester for a reason. Tell him he's an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't figured this out by the third baby, why do you keep having them? Put the infant down, shower and fix dinner. I had three and with each was up and taking care of things by the end of the first week. Stitches, tear and all---stop being so freaking helpless.

You're amazing. Would you like a medal or biscuit?

Agree with 1st poster. Better start to plan better and multi task. Life goes on with or without a newborn in the house. You have 3 kids in the house now, it's not all magically going to be easy.

Signed,
Mom of 3 kids under age 4.

[Anonymous]

Two weeks postpartum - have you even stopped bleeding yet? He must know by now that taking care of the baby and yourself are your only priorities for the first 6-8 weeks and it's HIS job to take care of the house & you.

You could have pulled something out of the freezer, tossed it at his feet, and said "here, I've started it for you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

The next time he says something like that when holding the baby - just march up to within an inch of his face, raise your voice and state that you will not be sabotaged behind your back, that he better start pulling his weight, and stop the negative attitude. You are the one who has been sick and needs to recover, and he can stop being passive-aggressive and start acting like a man. Finally, that he should apologize for his entitled behavior. Leave the dishes in the sink and go to bed with baby. Don't lift a finger for him until he apologizes.

Yeah it's a great idea to get confrontational while he's holding the baby.

[Anonymous]

OP. I see that in all of these fantasy based retort scenarios, no one has offered you any help. It's hard. Some days - unbearably hard. It doesn't matter if you have a great husband or a doofus/clueless husband. I love a good comeback more than anyone, but that won't get things taken care of.

So if you want some help, with food, advice, support - just shout. I'll help ya! I have an infant, but thankfully a full-time sitter and a full-time job (that is pretty slow right now). So I'll take a small project on the side to feel like I'm paying it forward. Just let me know your contact email and we can work something out. Even if it only helps you through a couple of weeks. it's something. I remember my week 6 was the WORST. I didn't think I'd dig myself out.

If you just wanted to vent - no problem. Keep doing it. But just wanted to offer.

[Anonymous]

OP, how was his experience of your illness and L&D?

I will say, he is being an ass, but I wonder if on top of newborn chaos some part of him is still reeling from the seriousness if your illness. And there's some "if we had just never gotten pregnant" rolling around in his head.

Hang in there. Newborn time is such a rough road.

[Anonymous]

The comments to the baby about "bad mommy" are appalling. That to me is very worrisome, and an unacceptable attitude to have with a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

Come back and post again once you have kids. Kids turn decent men into terrible people, no joke.

[Anonymous]

Well, the problem is that you have two other kids that need to eat. If the baby were your only child I would say DH is an ass and tell him to go to hell. But since that is not the case, I would calmly tell DH that you can't manage doing other housework, recovering from delivery, caring for the baby all day, and getting dinner ready, so you are open to hearing suggestions of how you can split up the tasks to make sure everything gets done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't figured this out by the third baby, why do you keep having them? Put the infant down, shower and fix dinner. I had three and with each was up and taking care of things by the end of the first week. Stitches, tear and all---stop being so freaking helpless.

You're amazing. Would you like a medal or biscuit?

Agree with 1st poster. Better start to plan better and multi task. Life goes on with or without a newborn in the house. You have 3 kids in the house now, it's not all magically going to be easy.

Signed,
Mom of 3 kids under age 4.

Did you have Pre-e and postpartum pre-e? No? Then shut up. 2 weeks PP after being sick with pre-e is no joke. OP, all the best to you. I had severe pre-e with my 3rd child and it took my body a long time to fully recover. I never got off the BP meds, unfortunately.