DH - "You didn't even start dinner?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Assholes, assholes everywhere" will be my next book.

The story of DCUM?

[Anonymous]

He's going through a lot, you're going through a lot. Neither of you are really good judges of other the other's shoes. An insensitive comment, yes. So, make sure he knows what you're doing and how much energy it takes. And, the emotional toll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't figured this out by the third baby, why do you keep having them? Put the infant down, shower and fix dinner. I had three and with each was up and taking care of things by the end of the first week. Stitches, tear and all---stop being so freaking helpless.

+1

[Anonymous]

I send my husband a text mid-day "Hey, I don't have dinner planned. So pick something up or we can order when you get home".
For the 2 older kids I would have put together a super easy dinner for them. Mac-n-cheese, nuggets, fruit, anything low maintenance. Hell, my 4 yr old gets oatmeal for dinner more than I'd like to admit. It's healthy and filling.

[Anonymous]

I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

+1 billion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no kids, don't work, have a sick pet. Stayed up late last night, woke up late this morning and my husband called at 1:30 today to tell me HE was bringing home dinner.

There are too many of you here marrying rotten men. It's a very disturbing pattern.

+1 billion.

Amen! Ever since I started reading DCUM, I thank my lucky stars every single day for my husband.

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks for the words of support (mostly ). When you're home and in the thick of newborn life, it's easy to lose sight of what's ok and what isn't. And I am glad that most of you agree DH has been a douche. This baby wasn't entirely planned, and he is taking it out on me.

I realize we are all sleep deprived but the comments are so grating. And he also has started with underhanded breastfeeding comments too. Our son has had some trouble latching bc I apparently have milk-just-came-in oversupply. So he has been gassy and fussy due to swallowing air. When I ask DH to hold him after I nurse, so I can wash up dh says stuff (just loudly enough so I can overhear) "mommy fills you up with that yucky gassy milk abd then gives you to me...." Or "aw poor baby has to get filled up with gas. Bad mommy"

I'm so sick of this. I love this little babe. Everyone in our family is joyful and celebrating his arrival except DH. I really want to kick him to the curb sometimes. He better get over this. He had 9 mos to get used to the idea, and he agreed that we should have this baby, despite his being a surprise. And yet it's only been two weeks and DH is making these comments, including "this baby was YOUR idea" when he had every bit to do with it.

DH was not such an ass before. But he always did make comments about maternity leave being a "vacation" and asking me "what did you do all day?" Some men only see value in working a 9-5 job as opposed to child rearing. DH is one. I could never SAH and be married to him. He would be relentless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for the words of support (mostly ). When you're home and in the thick of newborn life, it's easy to lose sight of what's ok and what isn't. And I am glad that most of you agree DH has been a douche. This baby wasn't entirely planned, and he is taking it out on me.

I realize we are all sleep deprived but the comments are so grating. And he also has started with underhanded breastfeeding comments too. Our son has had some trouble latching bc I apparently have milk-just-came-in oversupply. So he has been gassy and fussy due to swallowing air. When I ask DH to hold him after I nurse, so I can wash up dh says stuff (just loudly enough so I can overhear) "mommy fills you up with that yucky gassy milk abd then gives you to me...." Or "aw poor baby has to get filled up with gas. Bad mommy"

I'm so sick of this. I love this little babe. Everyone in our family is joyful and celebrating his arrival except DH. I really want to kick him to the curb sometimes. He better get over this. He had 9 mos to get used to the idea, and he agreed that we should have this baby, despite his being a surprise. And yet it's only been two weeks and DH is making these comments, including "this baby was YOUR idea" when he had every bit to do with it.

DH was not such an ass before. But he always did make comments about maternity leave being a "vacation" and asking me "what did you do all day?" Some men only see value in working a 9-5 job as opposed to child rearing. DH is one. I could never SAH and be married to him. He would be relentless.

Do you have any cool guy friends your DH respects? One of them should take him for a beer and set him straight.

[Anonymous]

OP again, I also will add that, yes, I realize this is #3 and I should have a better handle of things. Unfortunately, this pregnancy has been much harder to recover from. I had postpartum complications with preeclampsia and have been on various medications to manage it, including some with severe side effects, and I also am struggling more with BF and had a close call with mastitis requiring antibiotics, which is now resulting in thrush. All in all just more difficult and uncomfortable and itchy-painful. Not to mention dealing with BP meds and dizziness/exhaustion.

Makes DHs comments that much more intolerable when my coping mechanisms are already at an all time low.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for tips re more frozen stuff. Have been trying not to do that route because of my BP and sodium issues. But I think I need to just suck it up and get the pre-packaged stuff, even if it's just for DH and the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, I also will add that, yes, I realize this is #3 and I should have a better handle of things. Unfortunately, this pregnancy has been much harder to recover from. I had postpartum complications with preeclampsia and have been on various medications to manage it, including some with severe side effects, and I also am struggling more with BF and had a close call with mastitis requiring antibiotics, which is now resulting in thrush. All in all just more difficult and uncomfortable and itchy-painful. Not to mention dealing with BP meds and dizziness/exhaustion.

Makes DHs comments that much more intolerable when my coping mechanisms are already at an all time low.

Hey. Stop defending yourself. Having a baby is hard work. Having a baby when you can't devote all your time, attention and energy to it is even harder. Having a baby without a supportive partner is even harder. Do you have any nearby friends or family? Temple or church? Midwife or doula or coworkers or neighbors? Put the word out that you're having a hard time. Let some nice granny neighbor lady come over for an hour and hold the baby while you shower and prep some food. Let some nerdy 14 yr old girl come hold the baby while you prep some healthy foods for a couple of days. Reach out for help and accept what comes back. Tell DH he's being an ass and his passive-aggressive comments need to stop immediately. That this was a joint decision, it's done now, and he needs to be the supportive husband and father you KNOW he's got in him. Do you have daughters, OP? Would your husband want his daughters to grow up to marry a man who kicks them when they're struggling? He is being the example of what they'll go for in the future. He is teaching his sons how to become husbands and fathers through his example of how he treats you. He needs to STFU.

Fuck, I just want to come over and make you some low-sodium soup and do some laundry while you take a bath, and "accidentally" kick your husband in the balls while doing it. Twice.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am the commiserating pp from
above. Our third (due any day now) was also not planned and DH has already started with the "this was YOUR idea." And I also have preeclampsia. I am being induced in a few days.
I am so worried for what he is going to be like after the birth.
I already know he won't help with baby - I just hope he will help with the big kids.
I have a part time nanny, (because I work full time) so that will help.
Just wanted you to know you are not alone.

PS did the pre-e resolve after birth? I am hoping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am the commiserating pp from
above. Our third (due any day now) was also not planned and DH has already started with the "this was YOUR idea." And I also have preeclampsia. I am being induced in a few days.
I am so worried for what he is going to be like after the birth.
I already know he won't help with baby - I just hope he will help with the big kids.
I have a part time nanny, (because I work full time) so that will help.
Just wanted you to know you are not alone.

PS did the pre-e resolve after birth? I am hoping.

OP here, and I feel for you - I'm sorry my DH isn't the only craptastic guy right now. Wish we could chat offline for moral support. It helps.
Anyhow, I am deciding to stop feeling sorry for myself and take better control of things as much as I can. Yes, the pree sucks. Yes, the thrush sucks. Yes, DH sucks now. I am feeling vulnerable and yucky. But I'm a strong woman and will get through this. I am planning to reach out to my mom and MIL to see if they can come down to help (both are out of state). And I do plan to tell MIL how her son is behaving. She and I are close, and maybe she can talk some sense into him. DH did not have the best paternal role model, and the apple doesn't fall far. I want him to be aware of the behavior he is modeling for our kids, similar to his own craptastic dad. And he needs to shape up bc #3 will grow to despise him, if he constantly hears that DH didn't want him.

As for the preeclampsia. In my case, it didn't resolve after birth. My BP dropped immediately after delivery and for 24 hrs thereafter. But then went up again. I spent three extra days in the hospital working closely with a cardiologist to adjust meds bc I was having severe BP spikes (170/100). I hope you have better results. My doctors say that due to hormones after birth, BP typically reaches its highest levels 5-7 days postpartum, and that is when I had my spike. I'm now taking two different medications, and things seen to be slowly stabilizing. BPs are now ranging in 130s/70s. Cardiologist plans to start weaning off meds by 6 weeks if the downward trend continues. I had no BP issues prior to pregnancy and no preeclampsia issues with my previous two.

This pregnancy was a whammy on so many levels. And now with DH....
I'm just glad DS is here and healthy.

[Anonymous]

don't scratch out his eyeballs, scratch off his nipples.