Would you be upset with your husband over this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uhhh folks....it is a good thing for spouses to want to have sex with each other!! At least the person desires you and wants to have needs met inside the marrage. My goodness!! YOu don't want to fuck your DH and you dont want anyone else to fuck him either. That will work out great! LOL

Female here. After over 15 years of working on ways to mutually have our needs addressed (I was the high libido spouse, xH feel pressured because I wanted sex more than once a week), we separated. I simply wasn't able to continue to be monogamous, from age 42 until one of us died, with someone for whom sex is a pleasant 20 minutes, in one of two positions, per week. He now has a nice girlfriend who I'm sure is thrilled not to have to put out much. And although I miss him and our partnership sometimes, I'm deliriously happy to be free sexually. There really are people out there who like sex more than once or twice a week. If you're not married, hold out until you find someone who is well matched with you.

For many once or twice a week would be a dream come true! Many people are dealing with spouses who only want sex very, very infrequently and who otherwise reject intimacy with their spouse on a regular basis.

This is where I sound bitchy, but I make more money than my spouse, run the household, do more than half of the kid raising. I'm a pretty good catch. He can certainly put out at least twice a week to keep me, and all this good stuff, in his life.

AHA, this is what I mean, you think spouse should put out TO KEEP YOU.
This is what those insecure women do, I have seen it many times. They fuck so their man sticks around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you people sound really insecure. You feel personally rejected if your spouse won't have sex with you twice a week? Perhaps you need to work on improving your self-esteem.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash people marriage is not only about sex. I have a truly great marriage, solid and healthy as a rock. But we have sex maybe 2-5 times a month. We are both fine with that, if either of us wanted it more we would say so. That said, there have been months where we haven't had sex or maybe only 1 or 2 times. It did not change the dynamic at all, we are each others best friend and this works for us. Any marriage that would fail due to lack of sex was never a strong one to begin with, and I believe that with every ounce of my being.

This x 1,000.

I used to think this was true but now I am starting to realize that some people just put a lot of importance on sex. Maybe they see it as a way to express love and romance, and without it, what's the point? Maybe they need it often to feel alive? I don't know because it's not that important to me personally but that doesn't mean that people who rate it differently than I do are wrong. It's great that you and your DH are on the same page about it. But for couples who aren't, yes, lack of sex can be a big, big issue, eventually leading to divorce.

Are you over 30? Didn't you ever date someone to whom sex was very important? It is very important to me for all of the reasons you list above, and more. What else makes you feel as alive as a sexual encounter? How do you express love and romance?

Hah, yes I'm over 30, which is probably part of the problem. I used to love sex in my late teens-late twenties but now I am tired all the time and just want to go to bed to sleep. I also SAH with my young kids so by the end of the day I am often "touched" out and just want to veg alone for a little while. This was especially true when I was breastfeeding. I like sex just fine but could happily go for long periods (months) without it. There are other ways to express love and affection imo. My H, on the other hand, is a very different creature and I think he does need really need that physical component to feel bonded and attached. So I try to accommodate him.

^By the way, my "I used to think this was true" remark was directed to the idea that you should *never* have sex if you're not feeling it and that people who did that were just hopelessly retro and stuck in the 50s. Well, if I did that, we'd pretty much never have sex, lol. So yes, I do "throw him a bone" every now and then (twice a week) to maintain the marriage.

Twice a week a LOT of bone throwing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you people sound really insecure. You feel personally rejected if your spouse won't have sex with you twice a week? Perhaps you need to work on improving your self-esteem.

+1000

Or maybe they just like to have sex with their spouses! Gee whiz!

[Anonymous]

what a bitch! She knew what she was doing. I would NEVER speak to her again. Why have friends like that? She sucks. Your husband is an ass too. But 19 yrs, you can forgive him. Sex is a two way street. Maybe he is not helping you want more sex. My DH sits on his ass waiting for me to finish the laundry, cooking and cleaning and expects me to be willing and able. He would get much more sex if he helped out. I don't know your story but don't blame your self 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

Because it's assumed the high libido in question will lead him/her to meet their needs elsewhere. If the low libido person wants to stay married, they need to put out.

If you're really worried about this then clearly you married the wrong person. Sorry you ended up with a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what a bitch! She knew what she was doing. I would NEVER speak to her again. Why have friends like that? She sucks. Your husband is an ass too. But 19 yrs, you can forgive him. Sex is a two way street. Maybe he is not helping you want more sex. My DH sits on his ass waiting for me to finish the laundry, cooking and cleaning and expects me to be willing and able. He would get much more sex if he helped out. I don't know your story but don't blame your self 100%.

Research shows that helping out more around the house leads to less sex not more. This is a line that women use as an excuse to not have sex. Whether or not he should do more is a separate issue from whether or not you should have having more sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you people sound really insecure. You feel personally rejected if your spouse won't have sex with you twice a week? Perhaps you need to work on improving your self-esteem.

+1000

Or maybe they just like to have sex with their spouses! Gee whiz!

I *like* ice cream but I wouldn't divorce my spouse if he refused to buy it for me twice a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

Because it's assumed the high libido in question will lead him/her to meet their needs elsewhere. If the low libido person wants to stay married, they need to put out.

If you're really worried about this then clearly you married the wrong person. Sorry you ended up with a cheater.

Leaving isn't always about cheating. It is leaving because you have a spouse who rejects you, hurts you and doesn't care about your happiness, satisfaction or needs. It about feeling unloved, unwanted, disrespected, unappreciated and insignificant. It is about knowing that your relationship (the marriage) and what is important in a marriage to you is not worth the other person's time, energy, or attention. It is those issues - sometimes related to sex, sometimes related to other areas that lead to the person leaving. People who have sexless marriages or where one spouse is a refuser aren't people in great marriages. Most people who cheat don't say they had a fantastic marriage where they were appreciated, and respected and there was just not enough sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you people sound really insecure. You feel personally rejected if your spouse won't have sex with you twice a week? Perhaps you need to work on improving your self-esteem.

+1000

Or maybe they just like to have sex with their spouses! Gee whiz!

I *like* ice cream but I wouldn't divorce my spouse if he refused to buy it for me twice a week.

The fact that you compare eating ice cream to sex shows that your perception of the role of sex within a marriage is pretty skewed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

Because it's assumed the high libido in question will lead him/her to meet their needs elsewhere. If the low libido person wants to stay married, they need to put out.

If you're really worried about this then clearly you married the wrong person. Sorry you ended up with a cheater.

Leaving isn't always about cheating. It is leaving because you have a spouse who rejects you, hurts you and doesn't care about your happiness, satisfaction or needs. It about feeling unloved, unwanted, disrespected, unappreciated and insignificant. It is about knowing that your relationship (the marriage) and what is important in a marriage to you is not worth the other person's time, energy, or attention. It is those issues - sometimes related to sex, sometimes related to other areas that lead to the person leaving. People who have sexless marriages or where one spouse is a refuser aren't people in great marriages. Most people who cheat don't say they had a fantastic marriage where they were appreciated, and respected and there was just not enough sex.

Very well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

Because it's assumed the high libido in question will lead him/her to meet their needs elsewhere. If the low libido person wants to stay married, they need to put out.

If you're really worried about this then clearly you married the wrong person. Sorry you ended up with a cheater.

Leaving isn't always about cheating. It is leaving because you have a spouse who rejects you, hurts you and doesn't care about your happiness, satisfaction or needs. It about feeling unloved, unwanted, disrespected, unappreciated and insignificant. It is about knowing that your relationship (the marriage) and what is important in a marriage to you is not worth the other person's time, energy, or attention. It is those issues - sometimes related to sex, sometimes related to other areas that lead to the person leaving. People who have sexless marriages or where one spouse is a refuser aren't people in great marriages. Most people who cheat don't say they had a fantastic marriage where they were appreciated, and respected and there was just not enough sex.

When my husband pressures or guilts me into doing something I don't want to do, he is demonstrates over and over again that he puts his own needs above mine. He doesn't care about me, he just wants to use my body for his own physical pleasure. It's incredibly selfish. How is that a demonstration of love or respect and how does it improve our marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you people sound really insecure. You feel personally rejected if your spouse won't have sex with you twice a week? Perhaps you need to work on improving your self-esteem.

+1000

Or maybe they just like to have sex with their spouses! Gee whiz!

I *like* ice cream but I wouldn't divorce my spouse if he refused to buy it for me twice a week.

You just don't get it....it is fine. If you think that being intimate with my spouse is just about the sex, then there is nothing really more I can say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your friend is a bitch but yes you should feel bad for holding out. Your husband has needs and he will probably go elsewhere if you don't put out, grandma.

Then he is a loser and someone else can have him.

You live in a dream world if you think holding out on sex is fair to your partner. I really can't blame someone for cheating unless there is a medical issue going on. Some women just assume their spouse will love them and be loyal no matter what and focus their attention instead on shopping, children, home decorating, etc. instead of their husbands. It's true to a certain extent but human beings have needs. We have friends for non-sexual relationships.

And you live in a dream world if you think the other spouse will be happy constantly having to give in to their spouse on this issue. Why are the needs of the high-libido partner more important? There are two sides to this issue yet you seem to only recognize the validity of one.

Because it's assumed the high libido in question will lead him/her to meet their needs elsewhere. If the low libido person wants to stay married, they need to put out.

If you're really worried about this then clearly you married the wrong person. Sorry you ended up with a cheater.

Leaving isn't always about cheating. It is leaving because you have a spouse who rejects you, hurts you and doesn't care about your happiness, satisfaction or needs. It about feeling unloved, unwanted, disrespected, unappreciated and insignificant. It is about knowing that your relationship (the marriage) and what is important in a marriage to you is not worth the other person's time, energy, or attention. It is those issues - sometimes related to sex, sometimes related to other areas that lead to the person leaving. People who have sexless marriages or where one spouse is a refuser aren't people in great marriages. Most people who cheat don't say they had a fantastic marriage where they were appreciated, and respected and there was just not enough sex.

When my husband pressures or guilts me into doing something I don't want to do, he is demonstrates over and over again that he puts his own needs above mine. He doesn't care about me, he just wants to use my body for his own physical pleasure. It's incredibly selfish. How is that a demonstration of love or respect and how does it improve our marriage?

No offense, but the issues in your marriage are not about sex. They are MUCH deeper than that. Besides that, the bolded part shows that you and your DH have a very unhealthy perspective about sex generally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, some of you people sound really insecure. You feel personally rejected if your spouse won't have sex with you twice a week? Perhaps you need to work on improving your self-esteem.

+1000

Or maybe they just like to have sex with their spouses! Gee whiz!

I *like* ice cream but I wouldn't divorce my spouse if he refused to buy it for me twice a week.

You just don't get it....it is fine. If you think that being intimate with my spouse is just about the sex, then there is nothing really more I can say.

Then it's about much more than just liking to have sex with your spouse, isn't it?