Would you be upset with your husband over this?

[Anonymous]

Curious if I am overreacting or my husband is just shaming me into thinking I am? My H best friend and his wife (who I am fairly close to) and us socialize pretty regularly. I am considered to be the prude of the bunch and that's OK, that is who I am and I am fine with it. My friend and her husband are both outgoing, good looking, loud, boisterous types of people. They openly display their love in terms of being very touchy feely. She will flirt with just about any man but not in a tacky way, in a playful way. Just trying to explain the dynamics here.

I very confidentially confided in her that I had no sex drive and my H always wants it. Its a source of tension between us not unlike many couples I am sure. We have been married 19 years I love him but honestly I just don't have much of a sexual appetite. She suggested a few things and that was that. She always struck me as someone who enjoys sex much more than myself and as someone who most men would consider to "be good in bed" (if they were speculating).

So we were all out to dinner last night and we were discussing another couple we know who just split up. The rumor is that the wife would not have sex with her H and hes finally leaving. So my "friend" says I (meaning her) would be his dream wife, I can do it morning noon and night and never get tired. She winks at my H, throws her head back with a roaring laugh and takes a swig of her wine. I was really upset, I thought it was inappropriate on many levels and the fact that she knows this is an issue that she said that, it was obviously more important for her to put herself on a pedestal even at the sake of compromising hurt feelings on my end.

So we got in a fight on the way home and my H said I need to take lessons from her, etc....obviously this is a smidgeon of our life and I do love my H, he is a very very good looking man and is in great shape and definitely considered to be "eye candy" for women around here, even my babysitter said a lot of the women swoon over him, but I am just not someone ever who would want this every day. Yet, now I feel strangely vulnerable and even a little guilty like I am not giving him what he should have. I really haven't spoken two words to him today and am leaving shortly for my book club and made dinner plans with a friend afterwards purposely. Would love your honest take on this. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Suck him off extra to make up for it?

[Anonymous]

She's a bitch. And insecure. I say this as someone with a high driv, but who values friendship.

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a bitch you "friend" is. Don't tell her anything else. Pretend to be friends with her to her face, but man, I would NOT trust her. Frankly, I think people who feel the need to brag about their sex drives often probably DON'T have such great lives in bed.

I dont like his reaction. he should have said, yeah, thats inappropriate. How often do you and dh have sex?

[Anonymous]

Your "friend" is a bitch. I would back off that relationship yesterday.

Your hubby does deserve more sex. He shouldn't have compared you to your friend, but maybe he's hurt and that's his way of hurting you back, while still bringing up the subject. If I were you, I'd start reading some erotica in your bookclubs, maybe download some sexy movies and romance your husband a few more times a month. And if you really cannot bring yourself to do the full act, then 16:16 may be on to something. Right or wrong, if your husband is not being satisfied by you, he will find satisfaction elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I can't really figure out why you are mad at your husband for this? It seems like your friend did the wrongdoing here. It doesn't sound like your husband responded very well in the car, but he certainly didn't start it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't really figure out why you are mad at your husband for this? It seems like your friend did the wrongdoing here. It doesn't sound like your husband responded very well in the car, but he certainly didn't start it.

Because ops husband should have said, "that was inappropriate of her," not said, "you could learn some things from her." The woman totally disrespected his wife. His response should be to back up his wife.

That said, keep in mind, he doesn't kwow that you told her about the sex drive issue, right? Because that is what really makes her behavior so awful.

[Anonymous]

OP is it possible your friend was trying to help? Albeit not in a great way, but it sounds like she gave you some sex tips...maybe she was trying to say to your husband that you're better in the sack than he knows, nudge/wink, etc.

A long shot, but what do you think?

[Anonymous]

Agree with the above posters - that woman sounds like an insecure, selfish bitch. I wouldn't trust her, wouldn't tell her a thing, and wouldn't seek her out. Maybe you and DH have other couples that you could spend more time with?

As for DH - his response was uncalled for and petty but I wonder where it's coming from? As a PP suggested, maybe he's feeling hurt and embarrassed? Look at it from his perspective... He may be sitting there at dinner feeling as though both the bitch and her husband know that he's not getting any sex from his wife and he's ashamed? A snarky comment in the car was his way of letting you know, possibly.

But you love him, so I'd imagine that after 19 years together you two can sit down and talk about this as opposed to ignoring him. Giving him space may be the worst thing you could do. He may start taking what your bitchy friend said seriously and consider ways outside of the marriage to fulfill his desires.

I'd sit down and think about what turns you on, and then tell your husband. I understand you don't have the same appetitie that he does, but for the sake of your marriage, you should be trying for sex at least once a week. Maybe go to a sex shop together and get yourself a toy? Whatever makes you feel sexy, confident, and eager.

Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Your friend is a nasty bitch.
Tell her nothing else at all.
Never trust her.

[Anonymous]

No she was not meaning anything to help me out I can assure you. Who does that? Then after boasting about her libido she winks at my H? Like she understands him or something, It was so rude and extremely insensitive. I am not blaming my H but I am blaming him for chastising me for my lack of drive yet never mentioned her lack of tact in what she said. Her H thinks shes "cute and funny" and seems to take great pleasure watch his wife in action its just so different from how I operate.
I told my H I don't want to go out with them for a while and that he can continue to see his friend wherever he wants alone. She really threw me under the bus after I showed a big weakness and vulnerability, I trusted her. Her advice was to " give my H weekly bj's before he leaves for work" and that he won't expect so much when he comes home.
Just the entire situation has me incredibly uncomfortable. Now I know why a neighbor of theirs who I used to play tennis with told me she didn't trust her around her college aged son who did odd jobs for them in the summer. It all makes sense now.

[Anonymous]

I won't go as far as calling the friend a b but I would not spend time with these people anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP: I don't understand how the fight started on the way home. Did your husband say something about it first, or did you?

[Anonymous]

OP, I actually think se is trying to hit on your dh.
I would bet she wants to have sex with him and show him how great she is.

[Anonymous]

Why do people find a high libido brag worthy?
head thump...