Would you be upset with your husband over this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

Speaking as a high libido female with a low libido husband, the low libido spouse has to acknowledge that the high libido spouse is going to be frustrated sometimes and need to take care of him or herself. In the cases I'm aware of, the low libido spouse doesn't want to stumble on evidence that the high libido spouse is pleasuring him or herself. My H is fine, intellectually, with knowing that I need more frequent sex, but I'd never embarrass him by letting him know how much. Being married and having to sneak around to get off is pretty ridiculous IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

Actually, multiple PPs have suggested that high-libido spouses whose needs aren't fully met are justified in cheating or leaving outright.

Not justified. But it's certainly part of the explanation for why when it does happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If it's that horrible having sex with your spouse you need to divorce.

First of all, it isn't horrible, we just don't agree on frequency. Second of all, I actually believe there's more to a good marriage than just sex.

If your husband's low libido bothers you that much buy a vibrator. Problem solved.

So your husband's problem with your lack of frequency is to take care of himself? Is that what you tell him to do?

Absolutely, that's what he should do. We have sex on average once a week, which I think is pretty damn good considering we have a one year old and I'm in my third trimester. Every other day is just not going to happen at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

You got sloppy seconds.
I guess you dont mind baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If it's that horrible having sex with your spouse you need to divorce.

First of all, it isn't horrible, we just don't agree on frequency. Second of all, I actually believe there's more to a good marriage than just sex.

If your husband's low libido bothers you that much buy a vibrator. Problem solved.

So your husband's problem with your lack of frequency is to take care of himself? Is that what you tell him to do?

Absolutely, that's what he should do. We have sex on average once a week, which I think is pretty damn good considering we have a one year old and I'm in my third trimester. Every other day is just not going to happen at this point.

Fair enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

You got sloppy seconds.
I guess you dont mind baggage.

Lol was I to marry a 40 year old virgin?

[Anonymous]

Didn't have a chance to read through all responses but she sounds like she was coming onto your H to let him know SHES very active sexually and has a voracious appetite, just the right words to turn any sex deprived man on in a big way.

SHE knew your situation and I hate to say it played it like a fiddle, looking cute and coy in front of her husband, flirting and almost giving an invitation to your husband and totally ignoring you and your feelings. She sounds like bad news to me. I would be careful having my husband around her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

You got sloppy seconds.
I guess you dont mind baggage.

Lol was I to marry a 40 year old virgin?

no but preferably unmarried and no kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't have a chance to read through all responses but she sounds like she was coming onto your H to let him know SHES very active sexually and has a voracious appetite, just the right words to turn any sex deprived man on in a big way.

SHE knew your situation and I hate to say it played it like a fiddle, looking cute and coy in front of her husband, flirting and almost giving an invitation to your husband and totally ignoring you and your feelings. She sounds like bad news to me. I would be careful having my husband around her.

EXACTLY

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't have a chance to read through all responses but she sounds like she was coming onto your H to let him know SHES very active sexually and has a voracious appetite, just the right words to turn any sex deprived man on in a big way.

SHE knew your situation and I hate to say it played it like a fiddle, looking cute and coy in front of her husband, flirting and almost giving an invitation to your husband and totally ignoring you and your feelings. She sounds like bad news to me. I would be careful having my husband around her.

Not saying it's right, but if I were the sex-starved husband; I'd be masturbating thinking about the horny friend *constantly*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

You got sloppy seconds.
I guess you dont mind baggage.

Lol was I to marry a 40 year old virgin?

no but preferably unmarried and no kids

Luckily, he was able to walk away as if it never happened since they never had children together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

You got sloppy seconds.
I guess you dont mind baggage.

Lol was I to marry a 40 year old virgin?

no but preferably unmarried and no kids

Luckily, he was able to walk away as if it never happened since they never had children together.

but it did happen. Everyone he knows knows it happened. There are legal documents confirming that it happened.
Seems you are a bit jealous and embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

You got sloppy seconds.
I guess you dont mind baggage.

Lol was I to marry a 40 year old virgin?

no but preferably unmarried and no kids

Luckily, he was able to walk away as if it never happened since they never had children together.

but it did happen. Everyone he knows knows it happened. There are legal documents confirming that it happened.
Seems you are a bit jealous and embarrassed.

Is this real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty sure MANY pps have been saying there should be a compromise somewhere in the middle so that both partners are making "sacrifices" (for lack of a better word). High libido spouse has to be happy getting it less than desired and low libido spouse has to be happy having sex more than desired. It isn't one or the other. It is a compromise. I don't know why this is so hard for some people to understand. I don't think anyone said the low libido spouse has to have sex every time the high libido spouse wants it.

I agree. That is what most people are saying. The outliers are the 's/he shouldn't expect sex as a part of a marriage' (those are likely the refusers talking), and the s/he has a right to cheat (those are the cheaters talking). Everyone else is saying that sex is a normal healthy expectation in a marriage and that both parties need to find a balance between needs, wants and desires. Demanding or refusing leads to problems.

To throw it out there, I was one that said I wouldn't blame a man for cheating and I have never cheated nor has my husband. He was in a sexless marriage before ours and I understand the frustration he went through which is why I wouldn't blame a man for straying.

You got sloppy seconds.
I guess you dont mind baggage.

Lol was I to marry a 40 year old virgin?

no but preferably unmarried and no kids

Luckily, he was able to walk away as if it never happened since they never had children together.

but it did happen. Everyone he knows knows it happened. There are legal documents confirming that it happened.
Seems you are a bit jealous and embarrassed.

Is this real life?

Is this just fantasy?