Any advice for seasoned moms? Clique moms at soccer (even after 2 years)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you find a thread from 2013?

I admit I was the one to revive this thread. But it showed up in on the recent post forum for me! Absolutely no idea how that happened; I didn’t look at the date before I replied.

[Anonymous]

This was my experience with all of my DS’s sports. But I had very different experiences with my dd’s sports. It’s just the mix of people, but it can be aggravating to feel left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these discussions. The cliquey parents try to cast it off as nothing, and the other side does the same in another way by telling you to ignore it. What they're not telling you is how this plays out as they get older, ESPECIALLY girls. You'll see them go from very friendly classmates to not speaking at all due to how things are portrayed to them surrounding soccer. If you progress into travel and the time that takes away from you, not having those relationships with those parents turns into some awkward trips. Party invites start getting weird and all. It's almost as if the parents subconsciously reenact their own ms/hs days.

Continue to be cordial, but also don't full on ignore everything. You'd be amazed at the topics that go on.

How is any of this related to performance on the field?

The awkwardness youre referring to is intentional by cliquey moms. They want others to do what they say. By controlling party invites or just being nasty some parents will just fall in line and do what they say.

Again, for youngers parents this all goes away when team performance and wins are more important than the nonsense party planners. If you want a more serious team look around at other clubs.

Also keep in mind that it could be worse. Our neighbors kid is on a competitive dance team that travels. Its just like soccer but the mom's are 100x worse and wins are are determined by corrupt judges.

You're a bit naive by thinking this magically goes away. As much as people come here for gossip, there's a whole lot of personal experiences poured into these posts. A cliquey group of 5-6 parents can include a few star players that the club may have zero interest in letting go. Package deals are commonplace in this area. If appeasing those parents means keeping some friends that might not be at the level, it'll happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these discussions. The cliquey parents try to cast it off as nothing, and the other side does the same in another way by telling you to ignore it. What they're not telling you is how this plays out as they get older, ESPECIALLY girls. You'll see them go from very friendly classmates to not speaking at all due to how things are portrayed to them surrounding soccer. If you progress into travel and the time that takes away from you, not having those relationships with those parents turns into some awkward trips. Party invites start getting weird and all. It's almost as if the parents subconsciously reenact their own ms/hs days.

Continue to be cordial, but also don't full on ignore everything. You'd be amazed at the topics that go on.

How is any of this related to performance on the field?

The awkwardness youre referring to is intentional by cliquey moms. They want others to do what they say. By controlling party invites or just being nasty some parents will just fall in line and do what they say.

Again, for youngers parents this all goes away when team performance and wins are more important than the nonsense party planners. If you want a more serious team look around at other clubs.

Also keep in mind that it could be worse. Our neighbors kid is on a competitive dance team that travels. Its just like soccer but the mom's are 100x worse and wins are are determined by corrupt judges.

You're a bit naive by thinking this magically goes away. As much as people come here for gossip, there's a whole lot of personal experiences poured into these posts. A cliquey group of 5-6 parents can include a few star players that the club may have zero interest in letting go. Package deals are commonplace in this area. If appeasing those parents means keeping some friends that might not be at the level, it'll happen.

At least in that situation the cliquey annoyingness is backed up by a kids performance level.

Also package deals generally don't happen with olders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these discussions. The cliquey parents try to cast it off as nothing, and the other side does the same in another way by telling you to ignore it. What they're not telling you is how this plays out as they get older, ESPECIALLY girls. You'll see them go from very friendly classmates to not speaking at all due to how things are portrayed to them surrounding soccer. If you progress into travel and the time that takes away from you, not having those relationships with those parents turns into some awkward trips. Party invites start getting weird and all. It's almost as if the parents subconsciously reenact their own ms/hs days.

Continue to be cordial, but also don't full on ignore everything. You'd be amazed at the topics that go on.

How is any of this related to performance on the field?

The awkwardness youre referring to is intentional by cliquey moms. They want others to do what they say. By controlling party invites or just being nasty some parents will just fall in line and do what they say.

Again, for youngers parents this all goes away when team performance and wins are more important than the nonsense party planners. If you want a more serious team look around at other clubs.

Also keep in mind that it could be worse. Our neighbors kid is on a competitive dance team that travels. Its just like soccer but the mom's are 100x worse and wins are are determined by corrupt judges.

You're a bit naive by thinking this magically goes away. As much as people come here for gossip, there's a whole lot of personal experiences poured into these posts. A cliquey group of 5-6 parents can include a few star players that the club may have zero interest in letting go. Package deals are commonplace in this area. If appeasing those parents means keeping some friends that might not be at the level, it'll happen.

At least in that situation the cliquey annoyingness is backed up by a kids performance level.

Also package deals generally don't happen with olders.

How old are you talking? I just watched this happen with U19s last season. Check the 2011 roster for one of the local clubs next season. As mentioned, there's plenty of first hand experiences being referenced on this forum. That's not being backed by performance, that's being good friends with a top level player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love these discussions. The cliquey parents try to cast it off as nothing, and the other side does the same in another way by telling you to ignore it. What they're not telling you is how this plays out as they get older, ESPECIALLY girls. You'll see them go from very friendly classmates to not speaking at all due to how things are portrayed to them surrounding soccer. If you progress into travel and the time that takes away from you, not having those relationships with those parents turns into some awkward trips. Party invites start getting weird and all. It's almost as if the parents subconsciously reenact their own ms/hs days.

Continue to be cordial, but also don't full on ignore everything. You'd be amazed at the topics that go on.

How is any of this related to performance on the field?

The awkwardness youre referring to is intentional by cliquey moms. They want others to do what they say. By controlling party invites or just being nasty some parents will just fall in line and do what they say.

Again, for youngers parents this all goes away when team performance and wins are more important than the nonsense party planners. If you want a more serious team look around at other clubs.

Also keep in mind that it could be worse. Our neighbors kid is on a competitive dance team that travels. Its just like soccer but the mom's are 100x worse and wins are are determined by corrupt judges.

You're a bit naive by thinking this magically goes away. As much as people come here for gossip, there's a whole lot of personal experiences poured into these posts. A cliquey group of 5-6 parents can include a few star players that the club may have zero interest in letting go. Package deals are commonplace in this area. If appeasing those parents means keeping some friends that might not be at the level, it'll happen.

At least in that situation the cliquey annoyingness is backed up by a kids performance level.

Also package deals generally don't happen with olders.

How old are you talking? I just watched this happen with U19s last season. Check the 2011 roster for one of the local clubs next season. As mentioned, there's plenty of first hand experiences being referenced on this forum. That's not being backed by performance, that's being good friends with a top level player.

You dont see package deals with olders as much because after u14 players are engaging with college recruiters and coaches. Hopping around from club to club after u14 makes it harder to get recruited.

If youre still seeing cliquey parent behavior with u19s tell them to get a life. From me!

[Anonymous]

I talked about this with my therapist once. I was accused of being cliquey, and it sat badly with me. My therapist told me I was over functioning, and that every mom was responsible for her own social life. He said friend groups often took on an entire dynamic of their own. So sorry moms. You have to make your own friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, this thread could be re-written each year. Cliques happen. The reason they happen is because those parents formed a circle of trust to gossip about everyone else. They love it. It's natural. You can't stop cliques.

But what is in your power, is to ignore them or work hard to join one... either way it doesn't matter and that is just the way it goes!

and if ur club folds and unites/merges/changes badges they stop hanging. Its fascinating

[Anonymous]

Just say no to Mom Cliques. Our team was ruined when the mean girls banded together. In our case, the Head Mean Girl is the coach’s wife and team manager. She made sure her daughter, who is a trash talking bully, was made team captain even though there are a few kids who are the de facto leaders of the team. She freezes out moms she hates, turns her back to them when they are talking, and is a total hood rat. Gotten into screaming matches with other parents, messes up the team schedule and shames parents for asking about it, and is a total embarrassment. Be nice to all the parents, keep your distance, and be above the fray if you have a Mean Girl on your team like this one. My daughter changed sports and it’s for the best. Bullies are corrosive.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this is a bigger problem on girls teams. We haven't had any issues with our son's team. If anything a lack of team bonding has been an issue. We have been friendly with all of the parents but no one hangs out outside of soccer (kids or parents). Moving to a new club/team next year and we will see what that's like. Hopefully the parents are welcoming. We won't be the only new ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is a bigger problem on girls teams. We haven't had any issues with our son's team. If anything a lack of team bonding has been an issue. We have been friendly with all of the parents but no one hangs out outside of soccer (kids or parents). Moving to a new club/team next year and we will see what that's like. Hopefully the parents are welcoming. We won't be the only new ones.

Bingo! Now extrapolate that to adult chicks… yeah, and now throw their woke stuff where if you ain’t from their isle of orientation you are excluded and isolated.

Lastly, the technical and tactical level is inferior to 15 year old boys and voilà: perfect storm of why soccer fans and lovers aren’t interested in female “pros”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is a bigger problem on girls teams. We haven't had any issues with our son's team. If anything a lack of team bonding has been an issue. We have been friendly with all of the parents but no one hangs out outside of soccer (kids or parents). Moving to a new club/team next year and we will see what that's like. Hopefully the parents are welcoming. We won't be the only new ones.

Bingo! Now extrapolate that to adult chicks… yeah, and now throw their woke stuff where if you ain’t from their isle of orientation you are excluded and isolated.

Lastly, the technical and tactical level is inferior to 15 year old boys and voilà: perfect storm of why soccer fans and lovers aren’t interested in female “pros”

Soccer fans just don't want to be around you with your completely outdated views. Such a leap to jump right into "woke", but I'm glad you're excluded if this is how you actually think.

[Anonymous]

It’s on both male and female. Turns out even male players have moms and some of them are Mean Girls.
I’ll tell you what else, I hope the parents on my new team are not cultish followers who hang out together nonstop. The parents on our last team hung out slavishly at one parents house, frequently got falling down drunk together in my opinion, took lavish vacations together other parents were not invited to, and bought matching outfits to wear the games that other parents were not included in. It was super weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s on both male and female. Turns out even male players have moms and some of them are Mean Girls.
I’ll tell you what else, I hope the parents on my new team are not cultish followers who hang out together nonstop. The parents on our last team hung out slavishly at one parents house, frequently got falling down drunk together in my opinion, took lavish vacations together other parents were not invited to, and bought matching outfits to wear the games that other parents were not included in. It was super weird.

We had a group of 5-6 like this. It was so ridiculous and annoying. Obvious that youth soccer was their entire social outlet.

At first most of their kids started but 1by1 they were all replaced. Every time this happened the group would predictably turn on the parent who's kid wasn't starting. Eventually it happened to the ringleaders kid and the social circle fell apart.

Now 2-3 cant stand the group and sit with the rest of the parents. The leftovers of the group still try to get things going again but new parents are there to play only and dont engage on the nonsense. Also after the last blow up it doesnt seem like they trust each other.

BTW we've been with the same team since my kid was 5 (u16 now). Theres been 3 parent social circles that have come and gone through the years. Every time the blow up was spectacular. Now because all that matters is performance on the field theres no advantage to creating parent groups.