Any advice for seasoned moms? Clique moms at soccer (even after 2 years)

[Anonymous]

I saw this last year so I organized the soccer team this year..did it right in the summer to head off the nasties. I am hopefully this will be a nicer group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so happy to sit there by myself for an hour at soccer practice and just veg, play on my phone, read a book or watch my kid play.

I am not there for myself; I am there because my kid wants to do this activity.

Just look at soccer as bonus "me" time and don't worry about it being "group" time for you.

+1

--mom of a 7 year old dd

+100

But--I also LOVE watching my kids play soccer. I grew up in a home where all 3 of us played competitive soccer for many, many years so I want to watch the game--not miss my kids goals!!

[Anonymous]

I actually purposely like to sit myself away from the "click" of moms. I have two kids that play soccer so I've been at this many years. In the past I've always been one of those moms that's with the "click" or whatever you want to call it, but to be honest I'm kind of sick of it. I purposely sit myself away from everyone now, so that I can enjoy the game. During practice I like to speed walk or bring a book.

Dont get me wrong, I'm not anti social, sometimes I end up sitting with a couple people, or even the entire large group and that's fine but usually I prefer to just get down time like others have mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I"m going to sympathize with you OP.

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity for downtime, not to take it personally etc.

But my DS was on a new baseball team for one season and man, those moms were so clique-ish and snotty. There was one small bleacher for all the parents and they would surround me and ignore me -- it was awful. I tried to chat in a friendly way ... nothing. They actually brought enticing snacks (like warm, delicious smelling homemade cinnamon bread) and passed them around to all the siblings -- including passing them OVER my DD without offering any to her. They were really horrible.

Needless to say ... all Chevy Chase moms.

Is this CCDC or MD or does it not matter? Shitty behavior for sure. I don't even want to engage for fear for of being lumped in the with rest of them.

[Anonymous]

Why can't they talk to each other?

Do you have to be given an engraved invitation be involved in every conversation?

Why does everything have to have something to do with you?

Do you go and greet every parent at each game, do you have deep conversations with them, invite them to your house for dinner, why do they have to do that?

Unless they are literally running away from you, there isn't anything for you to whine about. They enjoy each other's company and want to spend time with each other. They are not required to include you and it doesn't sound like they are actively excluding you. Doesn't mean they aren't nice people, just means you are needy.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are rude. Ignore. Watch the game. You don't want to miss the game, do you?

These types have a knack for deflecting. Don't let them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't they talk to each other?

Do you have to be given an engraved invitation be involved in every conversation?

Why does everything have to have something to do with you?

Do you go and greet every parent at each game, do you have deep conversations with them, invite them to your house for dinner, why do they have to do that?

Unless they are literally running away from you, there isn't anything for you to whine about. They enjoy each other's company and want to spend time with each other. They are not required to include you and it doesn't sound like they are actively excluding you. Doesn't mean they aren't nice people, just means you are needy.

Says the leader of the pack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't they talk to each other?

Do you have to be given an engraved invitation be involved in every conversation?

Why does everything have to have something to do with you?

Do you go and greet every parent at each game, do you have deep conversations with them, invite them to your house for dinner, why do they have to do that?

Unless they are literally running away from you, there isn't anything for you to whine about. They enjoy each other's company and want to spend time with each other. They are not required to include you and it doesn't sound like they are actively excluding you. Doesn't mean they aren't nice people, just means you are needy.

Says the leader of the pack.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I"m going to sympathize with you OP.

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity for downtime, not to take it personally etc.

But my DS was on a new baseball team for one season and man, those moms were so clique-ish and snotty. There was one small bleacher for all the parents and they would surround me and ignore me -- it was awful. I tried to chat in a friendly way ... nothing. They actually brought enticing snacks (like warm, delicious smelling homemade cinnamon bread) and passed them around to all the siblings -- including passing them OVER my DD without offering any to her. They were really horrible.

Needless to say ... all Chevy Chase moms.

Is this CCDC or MD or does it not matter? Shitty behavior for sure. I don't even want to engage for fear for of being lumped in the with rest of them.

It was Maryland. I hate to generalize but after a number of years I have seen this happen many times. CC/Bethesda moms often act in a cliquish, judge-y, snotty way when grouped together.

[Anonymous]

ITA. OP, they notice when you notice. It feeds their tiny egos. Don't notice and it won't. Make sense?

Otherwise, the other 99% of us wondering why they didn't notice us fuels their fire. We can be together on this too. And there is a whole lot more of us!

[Anonymous]

It always seems like these women are NEVER alone, almost like it's impossible for them to be seen in public by themselves. Maybe they are all totally insecure. Has anybody else noticed this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I"m going to sympathize with you OP.

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity for downtime, not to take it personally etc.

But my DS was on a new baseball team for one season and man, those moms were so clique-ish and snotty. There was one small bleacher for all the parents and they would surround me and ignore me -- it was awful. I tried to chat in a friendly way ... nothing. They actually brought enticing snacks (like warm, delicious smelling homemade cinnamon bread) and passed them around to all the siblings -- including passing them OVER my DD without offering any to her. They were really horrible.

Needless to say ... all Chevy Chase moms.

There is a difference between ^ and just not being chatty. I belonged to a soccer team like above for a semester. Changed teams and never looked back. People who are that rude to me are not going to be less rude to my DCs. Life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always seems like these women are NEVER alone, almost like it's impossible for them to be seen in public by themselves. Maybe they are all totally insecure. Has anybody else noticed this?

YES. Yes, yes, and YES. Afraid to be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It always seems like these women are NEVER alone, almost like it's impossible for them to be seen in public by themselves. Maybe they are all totally insecure. Has anybody else noticed this?

YES. Yes, yes, and YES. Afraid to be alone.

I have to hand it to my dad on this one---growing up he really drilled it into us not be ourselves and not give a f*ck what everyone else thinks. He also taught us to treat everyone the same and we are not better than anyone else. Don't let anyone be bullied--stand up for the underdog.

Ironically, this same quality is what had people following us around. I tell my kids the same thing.

There are so many lemmings out there. DH and I moved into a neighborhood which is incredibly friendly, but after 3 years we have realized that the majority live for everyone else's opinions. They die to get that invitation. They know where everyone else is going and never turn down an invitation. They also make sure you know they got invited to 'so and so's'. They cluster around at all events and they HAVE to all vacation, ski in the same places. I feel so suffocated by this. We have always had a huge social circle and variety. I like to get away. We like to do our own thing.

Yet--apparently an invite to our house is most coveted (so were told). WTF?

I get along great with the soccer moms, but I also like to watch the game and tend to be on the outskirts. I'll chat a bit before and after--but I don't really like all of that suffocating gossip and girl talk.

When my firstborn was in preschool-- the Director told me that my son could entertain himself for hours. She said ironically that all of the other kids would go over and always wanted to do what he was doing. That conversation has stuck with me.

[Anonymous]

If you want to he roped in to doing spending your time volunteering for the team, go for it. Soccer is not a place I want to volunteer because I am involved in my kids schools and done have a lot of free time.