Any advice for seasoned moms? Clique moms at soccer (even after 2 years)

[Anonymous]

11:18 - THIS.

You are doing your child the best favor yet. If only more moms knew this vital piece of information. It really is common sense. Which I do not see a lot of in these parts.

[Anonymous]

This kind of behaviour doesn't/wouldn't bother me. It would be a relief to not have to hear drama so it would only bother me if they were close enough for me to not unwind.

I'd play on my phone, mend or do handstitching, read magazines/whatever if I didn't want to watch my kid. But I wouldn't feel the need to chat with other females.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't they talk to each other?

Do you have to be given an engraved invitation be involved in every conversation?

Why does everything have to have something to do with you?

Do you go and greet every parent at each game, do you have deep conversations with them, invite them to your house for dinner, why do they have to do that?

Unless they are literally running away from you, there isn't anything for you to whine about. They enjoy each other's company and want to spend time with each other. They are not required to include you and it doesn't sound like they are actively excluding you. Doesn't mean they aren't nice people, just means you are needy.

Says the leader of the pack.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I"m going to sympathize with you OP.

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity for downtime, not to take it personally etc.

But my DS was on a new baseball team for one season and man, those moms were so clique-ish and snotty. There was one small bleacher for all the parents and they would surround me and ignore me -- it was awful. I tried to chat in a friendly way ... nothing. They actually brought enticing snacks (like warm, delicious smelling homemade cinnamon bread) and passed them around to all the siblings -- including passing them OVER my DD without offering any to her. They were really horrible.

Needless to say ... all Chevy Chase moms.

Is this CCDC or MD or does it not matter? Shitty behavior for sure. I don't even want to engage for fear for of being lumped in the with rest of them.

It was Maryland. I hate to generalize but after a number of years I have seen this happen many times. CC/Bethesda moms often act in a cliquish, judge-y, snotty way when grouped together.

Oh, Maclean is like that too, plus they eventually eat their own. Heard moms trash other moms in their cliques many times. Identify and stay away.

[Anonymous]

OP, why aren't you approaching others who aren't part of the clique? Are you being open to socializing? Forget the clique; find somebody who looks interesting and go from there. Invite them over after a couple of weeks. Have a friend, be a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It always seems like these women are NEVER alone, almost like it's impossible for them to be seen in public by themselves. Maybe they are all totally insecure. Has anybody else noticed this?

YES. Yes, yes, and YES. Afraid to be alone.

I have to hand it to my dad on this one---growing up he really drilled it into us not be ourselves and not give a f*ck what everyone else thinks. He also taught us to treat everyone the same and we are not better than anyone else. Don't let anyone be bullied--stand up for the underdog.

Ironically, this same quality is what had people following us around. I tell my kids the same thing.

There are so many lemmings out there. DH and I moved into a neighborhood which is incredibly friendly, but after 3 years we have realized that the majority live for everyone else's opinions. They die to get that invitation. They know where everyone else is going and never turn down an invitation. They also make sure you know they got invited to 'so and so's'. They cluster around at all events and they HAVE to all vacation, ski in the same places. I feel so suffocated by this. We have always had a huge social circle and variety. I like to get away. We like to do our own thing.

Yet--apparently an invite to our house is most coveted (so were told). WTF?

I get along great with the soccer moms, but I also like to watch the game and tend to be on the outskirts. I'll chat a bit before and after--but I don't really like all of that suffocating gossip and girl talk.

When my firstborn was in preschool-- the Director told me that my son could entertain himself for hours. She said ironically that all of the other kids would go over and always wanted to do what he was doing. That conversation has stuck with me.

Sounds like your independence is innate, great that your son inherited your great genetics and natural charisma. I am only partly kidding! I have one child that can entertain himself and one that cannot, and it's been true since their babyhood. Kind of interesting.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can see how it would bother you, but the only mature thing to do is be polite and pleasent when you interact with them, and try not to care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous



OP, I can see how it would bother you, but the only mature thing to do is be polite and pleasent when you interact with them, and try not to care.

This is such a girl response. Why be nice to people who are not nice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I"m going to sympathize with you OP.

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity for downtime, not to take it personally etc.

But my DS was on a new baseball team for one season and man, those moms were so clique-ish and snotty. There was one small bleacher for all the parents and they would surround me and ignore me -- it was awful. I tried to chat in a friendly way ... nothing. They actually brought enticing snacks (like warm, delicious smelling homemade cinnamon bread) and passed them around to all the siblings -- including passing them OVER my DD without offering any to her. They were really horrible.

Needless to say ... all Chevy Chase moms.

Wow, this is something ugly - excluding a child.

Not socializing with other moms are no big deal to me - I would never show up for the other parents anyway.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the replies, but what if this is just her only chance to talk to these friends and they get along really well?

I might seem cliquish at preschool pickup, but its really just that I have 2-3 good friends that I only see at those times and I really want to catch up with them. Its not that I'm excluding YOU, its just that we are probably following up on whatever we talked about the last time we saw each other.

[Anonymous]

We don't have this problem in the South. Everyone is included.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't have this problem in the South. Everyone is included.

Tee hee.

[Anonymous]

I've been on both sides of this after a lot of years of soccer. It fades away after a while. In competitive travel soccer people are way into the game and there is no time for chit chat. My DCs last team was mostly a dad clique - they loved coming to games, and mostly hung around at practice too. Hard core soccer fans. When there was any down time they mostly talked about professional soccer.

On the mom cliques - I found they were pretty easy to break into. I just barged right in. You have to have a thick skin though - some are impenetrable (the only one I found was on a McLean team, but it was short lived). I also did do some volunteering for the team at various times - that helps to get to know all the families. We ended up making good friends through soccer over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read all the replies, but what if this is just her only chance to talk to these friends and they get along really well?

I might seem cliquish at preschool pickup, but its really just that I have 2-3 good friends that I only see at those times and I really want to catch up with them. Its not that I'm excluding YOU, its just that we are probably following up on whatever we talked about the last time we saw each other.

I agree with this. I used to feel that way at my community pool, but I think it's more a function of these women being very good friends (do they see each other often outside of soccer practice?) and want to hang out rather than them actively excluding you. To break into these "cliques," you have to be really proactive and outgoing -- almost forceful -- but it can be done (if you want to). IF you don't really care, leave it alone. But I really don't think it's you.

[Anonymous]

Needless to say ... all Chevy Chase moms.

Can't afford to live there huh?