Any advice for seasoned moms? Clique moms at soccer (even after 2 years)

[Anonymous]

Also, this thread could be re-written each year. Cliques happen. The reason they happen is because those parents formed a circle of trust to gossip about everyone else. They love it. It's natural. You can't stop cliques.

But what is in your power, is to ignore them or work hard to join one... either way it doesn't matter and that is just the way it goes!

[Anonymous]

Here's how mom cliques work on soccer teams.

When kids are young being cliquey helps the harpies to make sure they're in chage of things like the bench or a sun/rain popup or the first aid kit. Usually the team mom is one of this group because she'll have info straight from the coach about who your playing, if practice location changes, etc first. If your coach is corrupt they'll identify to clique moms and offer to just give their kids private lessons. This is near impossible for overly involved moms to resist. They get to do something other parents on the team aren't. Which they can use to exclude other kids. The more they pay the more their kid plays and the parents have more control of the team. This all sounds great when it first starts happening. But if they stop paying their kid doesnt play so now theyre stuck giving the coach money over and over again. In the end a new coach will take over the team and cut the kid who's parents bought the previous coach a new car with privates.

In general cliques dont last more than a season or two. Even awful cliquey people cant stand other awful cliquey people after a while. Also if one of the cliques kids starts to suck (not start) they will exclude that mom from the group. Its always fun watching the harpies eat their own.

When your kid gets older or they get onto a better team where results are all that matters the cliques stop. This is because theres no advantage coaches will likely communicate to the entire team via teamsnap. They wont have a single parent (usually the team mom) be the one speaking with other parents. They know that this pisses people off and they want the option to cut even the team moms kid.

[Anonymous]

Looking forward to the older ages when we don't need a TM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's how mom cliques work on soccer teams.

When kids are young being cliquey helps the harpies to make sure they're in chage of things like the bench or a sun/rain popup or the first aid kit. Usually the team mom is one of this group because she'll have info straight from the coach about who your playing, if practice location changes, etc first. If your coach is corrupt they'll identify to clique moms and offer to just give their kids private lessons. This is near impossible for overly involved moms to resist. They get to do something other parents on the team aren't. Which they can use to exclude other kids. The more they pay the more their kid plays and the parents have more control of the team. This all sounds great when it first starts happening. But if they stop paying their kid doesnt play so now theyre stuck giving the coach money over and over again. In the end a new coach will take over the team and cut the kid who's parents bought the previous coach a new car with privates.

In general cliques dont last more than a season or two. Even awful cliquey people cant stand other awful cliquey people after a while. Also if one of the cliques kids starts to suck (not start) they will exclude that mom from the group. Its always fun watching the harpies eat their own.

When your kid gets older or they get onto a better team where results are all that matters the cliques stop. This is because theres no advantage coaches will likely communicate to the entire team via teamsnap. They wont have a single parent (usually the team mom) be the one speaking with other parents. They know that this pisses people off and they want the option to cut even the team moms kid.

Spot on. Those private lessons that help pay coach's vacations and mortgages are essential to ensure your playing time. What a disgrace.

[Anonymous]

Oh man, I'd be relieved. I have a lot of friends at some of my kid's sports and enjoy chatting with them but it feels like a vacation when I can just zone out during a practice....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking forward to the older ages when we don't need a TM.

Just ignore them and focus on your kid and getting better. Try out at other clubs and reach out to coaches to jump in on sessions. Do Futsal and make connections outside of your local club.

As kids get older coaches want the parents less and less involved. This is so they can focus on the team and winning. Not all the parent drama.

You'll be amazed at the amount of issues the mom's that just cant keep from making everything about themselves create for their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This kind of behaviour doesn't/wouldn't bother me. It would be a relief to not have to hear drama so it would only bother me if they were close enough for me to not unwind.

I'd play on my phone, mend or do handstitching, read magazines/whatever if I didn't want to watch my kid. But I wouldn't feel the need to chat with other females.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking forward to the older ages when we don't need a TM.

Question:

Why are you allowing an organization that fleeces you anywhere from 2-4 thousand yearly ask that you do their job for free?

Do you understand how indentured that is? Meanwhile, the ‘director’ and the ‘coach’ are actively looking to replace your Johnny/Larla by someone with more talent and very likely subsidizing their costs with a ‘scholarship’

[Anonymous]

I just want to watch my kids do their activities. If I want to talk to someone and socialize then I will walk over and engage them. Or I will do it before/after game/practice while waiting for the event to start or for the players to disperse.

[Anonymous]

This is 😂

This has White Lotus lorazepam vibes written all over it.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel better, it changes a lot in third grade after some of the more cliquish families move to travel.

[Anonymous]

A recent survey on nasty cliquey soccer moms found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.

[Anonymous]

SW wins again have you seen the SoCal moms …. And dads 😜

[Anonymous]

I love these discussions. The cliquey parents try to cast it off as nothing, and the other side does the same in another way by telling you to ignore it. What they're not telling you is how this plays out as they get older, ESPECIALLY girls. You'll see them go from very friendly classmates to not speaking at all due to how things are portrayed to them surrounding soccer. If you progress into travel and the time that takes away from you, not having those relationships with those parents turns into some awkward trips. Party invites start getting weird and all. It's almost as if the parents subconsciously reenact their own ms/hs days.

Continue to be cordial, but also don't full on ignore everything. You'd be amazed at the topics that go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love these discussions. The cliquey parents try to cast it off as nothing, and the other side does the same in another way by telling you to ignore it. What they're not telling you is how this plays out as they get older, ESPECIALLY girls. You'll see them go from very friendly classmates to not speaking at all due to how things are portrayed to them surrounding soccer. If you progress into travel and the time that takes away from you, not having those relationships with those parents turns into some awkward trips. Party invites start getting weird and all. It's almost as if the parents subconsciously reenact their own ms/hs days.

Continue to be cordial, but also don't full on ignore everything. You'd be amazed at the topics that go on.

How is any of this related to performance on the field?

The awkwardness youre referring to is intentional by cliquey moms. They want others to do what they say. By controlling party invites or just being nasty some parents will just fall in line and do what they say.

Again, for youngers parents this all goes away when team performance and wins are more important than the nonsense party planners. If you want a more serious team look around at other clubs.

Also keep in mind that it could be worse. Our neighbors kid is on a competitive dance team that travels. Its just like soccer but the mom's are 100x worse and wins are are determined by corrupt judges.