Any advice for seasoned moms? Clique moms at soccer (even after 2 years)

[Anonymous]

DD is in soccer- she is in the 2nd grade and has been on the same soccer team since late K. The moms who are team moms and coach moms all physically move themselves away from the rest of the team parents and talk *every practice and game*.. I don't think it's about me/my child- but the anti-social component is rather extreme. I know one of the moms who's DD has been in DD's class since K so it's 3 years going - the girls get along great- I can chat relatively freely with this mom too. But when it comes to soccer- she is maybe two seconds nice then zooms off to her clique comprised of moms with no kids in our school. I am all for friendships outside of an ES and have those- but it's just so abrupt and blatantly rude. For those who have BDDT, please advise. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? I bring a book, plop down to read, and only stop reading if someone comes to talk with me or the thing is over.

The more you want to be noticed by them, the more they'll exclude you. If you don't care, they'll be intrigued.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? I bring a book, plop down to read, and only stop reading if someone comes to talk with me or the thing is over.

The more you want to be noticed by them, the more they'll exclude you. If you don't care, they'll be intrigued.

+1. Most people in cliques aren't interesting. Why would you want to talk with them after they acted this way?

[Anonymous]

I am so happy to sit there by myself for an hour at soccer practice and just veg, play on my phone, read a book or watch my kid play.

I am not there for myself; I am there because my kid wants to do this activity.

Just look at soccer as bonus "me" time and don't worry about it being "group" time for you.

[Anonymous]

be thankful they don't want to drag you into their boring lives. they sound tedious.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like they all want to catch up with each other and soccer is the only time to do it. Is that correct? Or do they all see each other at PTA, school, neighborhood socials, pool? Maybe they move away so they don't bother those parents trying to veg out while they yap away in their conversation.

There are natural cliques in every social setting. They are only more obvious when you are not the one included.

[Anonymous]

I used to be the Mom that stood alone. Then one day I saw the mothers all yapping about something so I strolled myself over there and said okay, who are you all talking about.

They started laughing and invited me to sit.

If you want to be included, try going over to them or ask the Mom you know about being included. If you find it's not for you, at least you tried.

[Anonymous]

Some parents are just like that. We ended up on a soccer team like that. The coaches wives and their friends were the clique. Then there were the rest of us. They were friendly if I made the effort. Don't sweat it. Like the others said, bring your phone, play candy crush and laugh it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so happy to sit there by myself for an hour at soccer practice and just veg, play on my phone, read a book or watch my kid play.

I am not there for myself; I am there because my kid wants to do this activity.

Just look at soccer as bonus "me" time and don't worry about it being "group" time for you.

+1

--mom of a 7 year old dd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is in soccer- she is in the 2nd grade and has been on the same soccer team since late K. The moms who are team moms and coach moms all physically move themselves away from the rest of the team parents and talk *every practice and game*.. I don't think it's about me/my child- but the anti-social component is rather extreme. I know one of the moms who's DD has been in DD's class since K so it's 3 years going - the girls get along great- I can chat relatively freely with this mom too. But when it comes to soccer- she is maybe two seconds nice then zooms off to her clique comprised of moms with no kids in our school. I am all for friendships outside of an ES and have those- but it's just so abrupt and blatantly rude. For those who have BDDT, please advise. Thank you.

This isn't a clique. People prefer this or that person...and routine. Join in if you feel left out, not one will care, or don't if you don't want to or are too nervous to. This isn't done purposefully...I think YOUR reaction and accusations are extreme frankly.

[Anonymous]

If it really bothers you, why don't you joint the group and talk with your friend more during the games?

[Anonymous]

I"m going to sympathize with you OP.

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity for downtime, not to take it personally etc.

But my DS was on a new baseball team for one season and man, those moms were so clique-ish and snotty. There was one small bleacher for all the parents and they would surround me and ignore me -- it was awful. I tried to chat in a friendly way ... nothing. They actually brought enticing snacks (like warm, delicious smelling homemade cinnamon bread) and passed them around to all the siblings -- including passing them OVER my DD without offering any to her. They were really horrible.

Needless to say ... all Chevy Chase moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I"m going to sympathize with you OP.

I agree with the others that this is an opportunity for downtime, not to take it personally etc.

But my DS was on a new baseball team for one season and man, those moms were so clique-ish and snotty. There was one small bleacher for all the parents and they would surround me and ignore me -- it was awful. I tried to chat in a friendly way ... nothing. They actually brought enticing snacks (like warm, delicious smelling homemade cinnamon bread) and passed them around to all the siblings -- including passing them OVER my DD without offering any to her. They were really horrible.

Needless to say … all Chevy Chase moms.

Wow, that does suck.

[Anonymous]

Oh I would have asked DD if she wanted one anyway. Pretend they don't exist - except when they do, get it?

I would in no way succumb to their games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares? I bring a book, plop down to read, and only stop reading if someone comes to talk with me or the thing is over.

The more you want to be noticed by them, the more they'll exclude you. If you don't care, they'll be intrigued.

No, they won't.