DH stole my money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is made up. I am a SAHM and I take care of all household finances. A real SAHM would be writing the check for the mortgage and not yelling at DH for paying the bill.

Ditto. I'm the one who pays all the bills and keeps track of all monies/investments as the SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to educate yourselves. Maybe only two posters have a clue about what constitues a marital estate and they are 19:01 and 18:18. From the date if your marriage to the date of your separation all earnings and income are marital property absent a premarital agreement specifying otherwise. Inheritances, gifts, and premarital property are separate property. This is regardless of how the property is titled. So, the choices you make regarding both spouses working outside the home or one working inside the home will bear upon both of you in divorce. If Virginia at least, if one party works inside the home his/her nonmonetary contributions are considered in dividing the marital estate upon divorce. The account OP describes is 100 percent marital property and if she is worried about a lack of savings then she needs to contribute to the marital estate.

Everyone needs to understand these concepts and stop acting as though money earned during the marriage is either his or hers or if a spouse stays home he/she is not entitled to a working spouse's earnings. Absent a pre-nip it is ALL marital.

True, but you have to go to court to get it. And many times when a divorce happens, one or both parties doesn't want to disclose or share. Each person in a marriage should have access to a pot of ready cash. But this OP is still a deluded brat.

Actually, I am a divorce attorney and litigator. Most of my cases settle when the other side realizes I issue discovery and subpoenas and that it will be far less expensive to come to the settlement table and voluntarily disclose your assets. It is terribly hard to hide money...everything has a trail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would have hidden the money better.

A girlfriend once told me that, if she could, she'd give me 10k (a lot of money in the 1980s) before I got married so I could always afford to leave when things got bad. Her mother was is a horrifically abusive relationship.

I had 30k liquid, just out of sight, when I got married. And, when I was divorce with two kids, that money made a whole lot of difference in terms of our experience adjusting to life without a partner.

Any woman to leave her future at the mercy of a shifting tide is a f&cking fool.

I told my BFF something very similar. We met in HS and have seen each other through a lot. She is a SAHM and I am not. She once called me and asked what she was going to do... She had no money and no credit and they had been in counseling for about a year. I told her I would cosign her housing lease, cosign a CC, and wire her cash. We'd work through the emotional stuff once she got settled. She and her DH ended up reconciling but she knows that if she ever wants to leave I'll help her financially and emotionally.

This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Never co sign anything for a friend. They'll just drag you into their shit.
Give her a gift of cash, give her a prepaid card, but never ever co sign, Hell you shouldn't even do it for your kids.
Wow, just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a friggin job, loser.

[b]

THIS!!! You are pathetic, op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a friggin job, loser.

[b]

THIS!!! You are pathetic, op.

OP has a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a friggin job, loser.

[b]

THIS!!! You are pathetic, op.

OP has a job.

Oh hello, OP troll, nice to see that you're back. In case you haven't figured it out, your post (while it has 7+ pages of comments to boot) is pretty unanimous among WOHMs and SAHMs, ie your post is idiotic. Stop drinking your alcohol, sober up, and get a goddamn life. Loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am SAHM. I have a bank account of my own with a substantial amount of money put aside for whenever I need it. My DH and I constantly fight about it, because he thinks that I should use it for some of my own expenses, such as the repairs on my car. In any, case DH recently paid $1200 to repair my car. He didn't fight about it with me, but I just opened my bank statement and saw that our mortgage company took the monthly mortgage payment last month from my account. When I confronted DH about this, he said that he told me that his emergency fund was tapped out - we had some pretty expensive house repairs lately - and that I wouldn't hear of tapping into "my" emergency fund - which almost a year of DH's salary (I got this by keeping a bit for myself over the years from the money he provided for household expenses). In any case, he said the house is jointly owned and we are both responsible for it and he simpy provided the routing number and account number to the mortgage company for an ACH withdrawal. What should I do in this situation, as I feel he has basically stolen my money.

Are you for real? YOU are the thief! "MY EMERGENCY FUND"? No, you basically stole the money yourself by outright lying to your husband. You told him you needed it for household expenses. But you didn't. You lied. And then you secretly siphoned the money into a separate account and won't give him the password and refuse to use it to pay YOUR bills. You are totally F-ing crazy. I can only imagine how awful your marriage is. Here is my advice to you if you want to save your marriage:

1) Give DH the pin and full access to the account
2) Sign up for mint.com and do a real budget - TOGETHER
3) Be open and honest about money with DH - he is your freaking husband, and he makes all the money - you make ZERO.
4) Give him lots of oral sex, because you sound like a bitch and he might leave you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a friggin job, loser.

[b]

THIS!!! You are pathetic, op.

OP has a job.

Oh hello, OP troll, nice to see that you're back. In case you haven't figured it out, your post (while it has 7+ pages of comments to boot) is pretty unanimous among WOHMs and SAHMs, ie your post is idiotic. Stop drinking your alcohol, sober up, and get a goddamn life. Loser.

I posted and I'm not the OP. I agree with the sentiment, but it seems to me that since posters were upset at OP, they then felt a need to put sah parents down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

Sounds like the Joan Crawford movie "Harriet Craig". Tee hee.

Yeah. I would be left with nothing, Nothing!

We almost STARVED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would have hidden the money better.

A girlfriend once told me that, if she could, she'd give me 10k (a lot of money in the 1980s) before I got married so I could always afford to leave when things got bad. Her mother was is a horrifically abusive relationship.

I had 30k liquid, just out of sight, when I got married. And, when I was divorce with two kids, that money made a whole lot of difference in terms of our experience adjusting to life without a partner.

Any woman to leave her future at the mercy of a shifting tide is a f&cking fool.

And how would that hidden money not be a marital asset in the event of divorce? And how would a court look upon you trying to hide marital assets from your spouse? Again, this OP is of the opinion that what's hers is hers and what's his is hers too. If the family needs to tap into her emergency kitty to pay for joint expenses, then it should not be an issue. Why should OP's DH face all of the expenses with no support or cooperation from DW? She lives in the house, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all need to educate yourselves. Maybe only two posters have a clue about what constitues a marital estate and they are 19:01 and 18:18. From the date if your marriage to the date of your separation all earnings and income are marital property absent a premarital agreement specifying otherwise. Inheritances, gifts, and premarital property are separate property. This is regardless of how the property is titled. So, the choices you make regarding both spouses working outside the home or one working inside the home will bear upon both of you in divorce. If Virginia at least, if one party works inside the home his/her nonmonetary contributions are considered in dividing the marital estate upon divorce. The account OP describes is 100 percent marital property and if she is worried about a lack of savings then she needs to contribute to the marital estate.

Everyone needs to understand these concepts and stop acting as though money earned during the marriage is either his or hers or if a spouse stays home he/she is not entitled to a working spouse's earnings. Absent a pre-nip it is ALL marital.

That's pretty much what 95% of the posters have said.

[Anonymous]

If a DH posted that he had his own account and his wife withdrew from it without his permission, the posters would be flaming the shit out of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a DH posted that he had his own account and his wife withdrew from it without his permission, the posters would be flaming the shit out of him.

Which is exactly what's happening here, so what's your point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am SAHM. I have a bank account of my own with a substantial amount of money put aside for whenever I need it. My DH and I constantly fight about it, because he thinks that I should use it for some of my own expenses, such as the repairs on my car. In any, case DH recently paid $1200 to repair my car. He didn't fight about it with me, but I just opened my bank statement and saw that our mortgage company took the monthly mortgage payment last month from my account. When I confronted DH about this, he said that he told me that his emergency fund was tapped out - we had some pretty expensive house repairs lately - and that I wouldn't hear of tapping into "my" emergency fund - which almost a year of DH's salary (I got this by keeping a bit for myself over the years from the money he provided for household expenses). In any case, he said the house is jointly owned and we are both responsible for it and he simpy provided the routing number and account number to the mortgage company for an ACH withdrawal. What should I do in this situation, as I feel he has basically stolen my money.

Are you for real? YOU are the thief! "MY EMERGENCY FUND"? No, you basically stole the money yourself by outright lying to your husband. You told him you needed it for household expenses. But you didn't. You lied. And then you secretly siphoned the money into a separate account and won't give him the password and refuse to use it to pay YOUR bills. You are totally F-ing crazy. I can only imagine how awful your marriage is. Here is my advice to you if you want to save your marriage:

1) Give DH the pin and full access to the account
2) Sign up for mint.com and do a real budget - TOGETHER
3) Be open and honest about money with DH - he is your freaking husband, and he makes all the money - you make ZERO.
4) Give him lots of oral sex, because you sound like a bitch and he might leave you.

OMG! This! Couldn't stop LOLing because this is so spot on!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all need to educate yourselves. Maybe only two posters have a clue about what constitues a marital estate and they are 19:01 and 18:18. From the date if your marriage to the date of your separation all earnings and income are marital property absent a premarital agreement specifying otherwise. Inheritances, gifts, and premarital property are separate property. This is regardless of how the property is titled. So, the choices you make regarding both spouses working outside the home or one working inside the home will bear upon both of you in divorce. If Virginia at least, if one party works inside the home his/her nonmonetary contributions are considered in dividing the marital estate upon divorce. The account OP describes is 100 percent marital property and if she is worried about a lack of savings then she needs to contribute to the marital estate.

Everyone needs to understand these concepts and stop acting as though money earned during the marriage is either his or hers or if a spouse stays home he/she is not entitled to a working spouse's earnings. Absent a pre-nip it is ALL marital.

Pretty much everyone did say the account is marital property. Dissenting voice is OP's.
The issues about being 'entitled' come from issues of just that - entitlement. When one spouse works and the other doesn't, the non-working spouse's FUTURE earnings are hugely affected in case of divorce/death/etc. That can't be ignored.