DH stole my money

[Anonymous]

I am also a SAHM with my own money that I brought into the relationship. DH agrees that I should keep that for myself and I'd be upset if he ever took it w/o asking (wouldn't happen-- he can't access it). However, it sounds like you're being unreasonable when DH tells you there are expenses every so often that cannot be covered by his income. If there were expenses that DH's earnings and joint savings couldn't cover, he wouldn't have to ask/take and/or bargain for the money in my savings bc I'd offer it up freely to cover our financial obligations. I understand wanting to feel secure with your own nest egg in case DH ever left, but you're a family now and the family needs everyone to chip in this month.

[Anonymous]

hahahahahaha

[Anonymous]

so he stole back some of the money you stole from him? Hmmmm...
and he spent it on family purposes, not on himself.
yep, OP is definitely in the wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Team husband. You stole the money from him without his consent. It would be different if he agreed that you should take the money and keep it for yourself. He did not and he originally earned the money. I think I would probably be looking for a job as it doesn't seem as though you husband is totally on board with you being a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it is a true story. I opened my bank account statement and saw $2800 taken out to our mortgage company. He didn't even ask me. He just did it! I am so mad! He asked whether he would pay the mortgage late or pay for my car! It has always been like this, him making me choose between things - once it was a car vs. dental work. Why should I have to choose between things I need.

Do you have any idea how spoiled and self-centered this sounds? You have to choose because you're a fucking grown-up, and sometimes grownups have to make choices. Jesus Christ.

I don't think this has anything to do w/ SAHM status, by the way - your household has to pay for expenses. One party can't hoard money and expect the other to just figure out a way to pay for everything she needs. It's a collaborative effort, no matter who is earning the money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, it is a true story. I opened my bank account statement and saw $2800 taken out to our mortgage company. He didn't even ask me. He just did it! I am so mad! He asked whether he would pay the mortgage late or pay for my car! It has always been like this, him making me choose between things - once it was a car vs. dental work. Why should I have to choose between things I need.

Do you have any idea how spoiled and self-centered this sounds? You have to choose because you're a fucking grown-up, and sometimes grownups have to make choices. Jesus Christ.

I don't think this has anything to do w/ SAHM status, by the way - your household has to pay for expenses. One party can't hoard money and expect the other to just figure out a way to pay for everything she needs. It's a collaborative effort, no matter who is earning the money.

OP expressed the fear he mightjust take off. With her philosophy is what is his is ours and what is mine is mine, can't say I'd blame him.

[Anonymous]

OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

[Anonymous]

I am also a SAHM and I have to agree with the others. YOU are in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

[Anonymous]

You're both wrong. Your attitude that you do not have to contribute money to household expenses especially when things are tight created a situation where your husband did not feel like he could be upfront about asking you to chip in.

Arguments over money can destroy a marriage, you need to sit down and compromise. Sometimes you are going to have to contribute financially. Also not tapping into your money because the marriage might end one day does not instill much confidence. It's like you have a foot out the door.

Remember it's in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

GET A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

Why stay home? If I felt so insecure about the future, I most certainly would work. It is probably the #1 hedge against things you describe. SAHM can be great for a family, but only if both sides are accepting and committed to the lifestyle. Doesn't sound like that is the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am SAHM, I don't earn anything, and who knows if DH would just take off someday. I need my little nest egg, just my own piece of mind, and now he is taking it!

Who is the dumb one that let him know you have the money??? If it was your "secret stash" then why isn't it secret. But if you got this by keeping $$ that he gave you, then why isn't he entitled to the money? I'm a SAHM also and I wouldn't dream of doing something like this. I do have two accounts which are mine, one is in a foreign country (my birth place) and another is here and my DH knows about it, it's not that much money. He also has a small account that he kept which was his before we were married.

[Anonymous]

typical parasite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

Wouldn't blame him one bit for leaving you. I would, & I'm a woman! You are a piece of work...