DH stole my money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

Why isn't your husband contributing to a retirement account for you? But much, much, much more importantly, why the hell aren't you working if you're this worried about it? This is utterly insane. Go get a job, staying at home isn't working for you.

[Anonymous]

OP--you sound very concerned about making sure there is money for you and your children just in case. Why do you choose to SAH? Can you work and earn an income?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is his household money you've been putting in an account, then it's a joint savings account. Sorry, honey.

If it's her allowance that he has GIVEN her, and she is budget conscious enough to have saved it, then no I don't think she stole it.

I agree. Lucy Ricardo budgeted the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

So maybe just get a job? Wouldn't that solve your problems and assure stability in the event of an emergency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is his household money you've been putting in an account, then it's a joint savings account. Sorry, honey.

If it's her allowance that he has GIVEN her, and she is budget conscious enough to have saved it, then no I don't think she stole it.

I agree. Lucy Ricardo budgeted the same way.

Ok...but when does she have to financially contribute to the household. DH has said he's out of money. She has some. They are married. They bought the house together. It's a partnership and it's her turn to step up.

[Anonymous]

Let the house go into foreclosed. If you hide the notices and screen your calls, you should be able to get about 8 months of payments before your husband has a clue. In the last few months send your husband on a guys weekend trip and strip the house of copper and anything valuable.

[Anonymous]

1. It was never YOUR money, the same way it was never HIS. It was the family's. If anybody stole, it was you- you took from the family to squirrel away for yourself.

2. Your DH is in the right and mine would have done exactly the same thing.

3. If you're so worried about having your own money, you need to be working and earning it yourself and contributing to your own retirement account.

4. I feel sorry for your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll

Exactly. This cannot be real.

[Anonymous]

If this is true, it's sad all around. Sad that the husband "gives" an "allowance" for household expenses, sad that there is no "allowance" for the wife's personal expenses, sad that the wife feels so insecure in the relationship that she's hoarding money "just in case," sad that she's resentful that his income doesn't cover their necessary expenses, sad that he "just did it" without more discussion...I feel like I could go on all day.

OP, if this is true and the only way you get personal money is by nickel and diming the household budget, you need to get at least a part-time job. Not so that you can hoard money but so that your FAMILY budget has enough space in it for an emergency fund and personal savings.

I agree with the PP that this whole scenario gives SAHMs (and their husbands) a bad name. For the record, I also think that working so that you can hoard money "just in case" your marriage falls apart is also sad, but I know it's much more common for people in dual-income families to have separate accounts or "split" expenses in more strictly delineated ways. That was never our style even when I was working, but it works for some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is his household money you've been putting in an account, then it's a joint savings account. Sorry, honey.

If it's her allowance that he has GIVEN her, and she is budget conscious enough to have saved it, then no I don't think she stole it.

I agree. Lucy Ricardo budgeted the same way.

Ok...but when does she have to financially contribute to the household. DH has said he's out of money. She has some. They are married. They bought the house together. It's a partnership and it's her turn to step up.

I definitely don't think OP "stole" money. That's how my parents operated, and my mom would "save up" for things that way -- stuff that wasn't essential. Or set it aside for a vacation fund or whatever. No big deal and I think the word "allowance" is loaded these days. BUT. And it's a giant BUT. It is seriously NOT OKAY for OP to hoard money when the household is struggling. Unless her husband is a known gambler, alcoholic, whatever, which she has not suggested he is. So they're both in the wrong. He shouldn't have just routed the money without discussion, but by discussion, I mean having a conversation that goes like this:

DH: We've had some surprise expenses this month, dear, I think we need to dip into your reserves.
DW: Crap, that new roof really cost more than we expected. Let's figure out a way to put the money back when we can -- you know I feel better when we have a solid cushion.

So both OP and her DH are behaving badly, but OP is the one whining about "stealing" and that's really gross. Im a SAHM, but I agree if she is that distrustful or worried about $$, then she should figure out a way to bring in money.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's how you get out of this.

Talk to your husband about your spending and your needs. What the household needs and what YOU need. If he decides that what YOU need is too much for him to fund, and he would rather take on more of the household duties himself allowing you to get a job, do that. If he decides he would rather you stay home and care for him, the kids, and the house, do that.

Step 2, (if you're staying home) have him establish a retirement account for you, and pay into automatically each month. If SAHM is your job, you should be accruing benefits for it.

Step 3, fix your attitude about the household money. Come to an agreement about what it yours, and what you need to pay for. The rest belongs to the household. It's not fair that what's yours is yours, and what's his is yours. If you're going to have separate finances, you need to have an equal attitude about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a friggin job, loser.

Agreed. Enough sitting on your dead rear end all day eating bonbons and watching judge shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

SAHM here.

You set up your own IRA dumbass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-- what do you think the purpose of "your" account is?

Look, my father died when I was young leaving my mother, my siblings and I nearly destitute. So, I feel I need to have something locked away for just such an emergency! Who knows what can happen. DH could die tomorrow, run off with some other woman or just leave it he wants, and I would be left with nothing. Nothing! So, I need to have that rainy day fund. DH had his retirement. Where is mine?

SAHM here.

You set up your own IRA dumbass.

And put it in Vanguard or other management company. He won't be able to take it out then.

[Anonymous]

Don't you mean stole it back?


Get a job, lazy twit.