How to say no to family members who want to stay at our house when we're not here -- white lie?

[Anonymous]

"No."

I am assuming, of course, that they speak English.

[Anonymous]

Say that you had a bad experience with guests staying at the house while you were gone previously, and even though you know they're great, you just can't have anyone staying at your place while you're away.

I think it's an over the top request to stay at someone's house like it's a free airbnb

[Anonymous]

Question

Do people generally think it is rude to ask to stay at someone's house when they are not there?

(Assuming no kids or pets)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question

Do people generally think it is rude to ask to stay at someone's house when they are not there?

(Assuming no kids or pets)

YES
it is extremely rude and entitled

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question

Do people generally think it is rude to ask to stay at someone's house when they are not there?

(Assuming no kids or pets)

YES
it is extremely rude and entitled

Agree. Unless they offered it without you asking whatsoever (Hey, we'll be out of town. If you want to take a mini vacay, come on over!) then it is absolutely rude.

On my wedding night I offered two of my bridesmaids and their husbands stay in our 2br apartment since we wouldn't be there. They didn't ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a cousin who had just had major surgery stay last summer along with his wife, 6 year old and aunt at my home for 6 weeks. They were visiting from Europe and would be coming to CA after the surgery. I knew deep down that this was not a good idea but went along with the wife. How do I make this into the condensed story? Anyway, after about 5 days, I was wondering how I would put up for 5 more weeks? They would leave in between for a few days but to say this was He** is an understatement. I finally blew up and could not take anymore and told him exactly what was on my mind. A year later, he needed to come back to the US for a 1 year follow up, and said we will be in your town but only on weekends. I told them flat out, I'm sorry, but we just won't be able to accommodate you at at the house and referred them to some very nice hotels very close to us. I can't beleive that anyone would even ask to stay again even just for weekends. Did they not get it that I did not want them there?

Oh well. The best thing I did was be blunt and tell them sorry, no accommodations this time.

What exactly were the problems that made it "hell"?

[Anonymous]

OP, what happened?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here - if you decide the fallout of saying no is too great, I really love the suggestion of having a cleaning service in. I'd let them know that it's really important to your sanity that you return to a clean house on Sunday when you get back from vacation, so you have ALREADY scheduled your cleaning people to come in on Saturday at noon.

treat it like a beach house rental: I'd ask them to tidy up (be specific as to what needs to be done - newspapers thrown out, beds stripped and linens placed in laundry room, dishwasher run and emptied, etc.) and be out of the house by 11am that morning.

I'd also ask that Fido be confined to the kitchen and family room (or whatever space you designate as being pet-friendly) and actually close off the rooms where Fido shouldn't go. You should also leave newspaper or plastic supermarket bags with a note indicating they can use these to pick up Fido's poop in your yard or around the neighborhood.

You should also leave the house free of food, but leave your recyclable shopping bags and directions to the supermarket so they can buy their own food. If you have expensive wine or liquor (or other food) that you're afraid they'll get into, pack it up and move to a friends' house while you're gone. If I were them, I would restock the fridge with essentials so when you got back from your trip, you'd at least have milk, eggs, bread and some basics, but it sounds like this family lacks basic manners.

A lot of trouble for sure, but maybe better to keep the peace and start to send some messages as to what you expect from them as house guests.

Good luck - keep us posted!!!

+1. If you don't have the heart to say no and they don't know how to be good houseguests, spell it out for them. In advance, email them your terms. "Dear x, It's OK if you stay at our house next month, but I have a few requests in return. Attached is a list of things we ask guests to take care of when we loan out our place. Have great visit, and we'll see you next time!" That way it looks less like you're singling them out:

Welcome guests! Here are X Family's house rules. Enjoy your stay!

1. NO PETS ON THE FURNITURE, PLEASE. No exceptions.
2. Please be sure to pick up after your pets each and every time they have a bowel movement in the yard (plastic bags are in the pantry).
3. House rule: No eating in the bedrooms. Kitchen only.
4. Please strip the beds on the last day of your visit and place all used sheets and towels in the washing machine and run the wash. If you have time, the dryer would be great too, but if not we can take care of that when we get home.
5. Please load and run the dishwasher before you leave, and wipe down counters.

Thanks!"

[Anonymous]

OP. People who act like your family ( bring the dog???) eat all you food leave the house a mess are unlikely to really respond well to reason. So I would be inclined to go for plumbing problem that only we can supervise when we return. The water will be turned off and therefore it won't work this time. No thank you we will supervise the plumber ourselves b/c we are the ones who have to live with it. Maybe another time.
They will probably know that this is an excuse and maybe just maybe. They will rethink using your home as a play ground next time.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't agree that you should be saying that it is " too stressful" for you when they leave. That leaves the door open to blaming you. You are not to blame because they are VERY poor house guests. They are not going to get it. Something about the house that makes it impossible. Redoing the floors etc eyc is the best. They will not be around to supervise whether it actually happens or not. Then you could say well they could not fit us and we were not comfortable sp we rescheduled. ( the Reno action carpet cleaning whatever )

[Anonymous]

Just tell them NO.

Don't lie about it.

If they don't like it, tough.

If they never come and stay with you again... WOOHOO!

[Anonymous]

Oh hells no, OP.

[Anonymous]

Schedule work to take place at your house (floors redone, walls painted etc.) Something you want to have done, will be convenient to have down while out of town, and will prevent anyone from living in the house.

[Anonymous]

I would feel way too guilty if I outright lied. So, I would probably say that since we were going to be out of town, I was using the opportunity to have some work done around the house. Then, I would actually schedule something, even if it was just deep cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schedule work to take place at your house (floors redone, walls painted etc.) Something you want to have done, will be convenient to have down while out of town, and will prevent anyone from living in the house.

That what I was thinking - time to get some room painted or something!