How to say no to family members who want to stay at our house when we're not here -- white lie?

[Anonymous]

We have family who comes to town periodically to see us and relatives on the other side of their family who also live nearby. The other relatives live in a small apartment and we have a good-sized house so they always stay with us -- 2 parents, 3 kids, and a dog. It is fun but also exhausting because they are not respectful of the way we keep our house. We're not super anal but they are like a tornado. Next month their other relatives are having a big event and it happens that we will be out of town. Our family members have asked (more like assumed) to stay at our house anyway. I hate this idea. It's not like they're going to steal or break stuff, but I know they won't follow our usual rules (no food in kids' rooms, no pets on furniture, etc.), their teenagers will eat everything that's not nailed down, and we will come home Sunday night to a dirty house with no food and 5 loads of sheets and towels to wash. I work FT and it REALLY stresses me out to start the week that way.
In the past there have been a few times when they have wanted to come and we are just not up for it, and we have told them we have already booked other friends to stay with us. But this time they know we are going to be on vacation. Do we have to just grin and bear them staying in our house? If not, how can we say no gracefully? (White lies are fine.) The problem is they really think they are model houseguests. I bet they think they're doing us a favor by housesitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have family who comes to town periodically to see us and relatives on the other side of their family who also live nearby. The other relatives live in a small apartment and we have a good-sized house so they always stay with us -- 2 parents, 3 kids, and a dog. It is fun but also exhausting because they are not respectful of the way we keep our house. We're not super anal but they are like a tornado. Next month their other relatives are having a big event and it happens that we will be out of town. Our family members have asked (more like assumed) to stay at our house anyway. I hate this idea. It's not like they're going to steal or break stuff, but I know they won't follow our usual rules (no food in kids' rooms, no pets on furniture, etc.), their teenagers will eat everything that's not nailed down, and we will come home Sunday night to a dirty house with no food and 5 loads of sheets and towels to wash. I work FT and it REALLY stresses me out to start the week that way.
In the past there have been a few times when they have wanted to come and we are just not up for it, and we have told them we have already booked other friends to stay with us. But this time they know we are going to be on vacation. Do we have to just grin and bear them staying in our house? If not, how can we say no gracefully? (White lies are fine.) The problem is they really think they are model houseguests. I bet they think they're doing us a favor by housesitting.

I can't read this, try using paragraphs

[Anonymous]

"Sorry, we are going to be out of town, so that's not going to work. But I hope you have a great time.... We'll catch up later."

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell them no, that you don't want anyone in your house unless you are present. And stick to it! It's your house. And in future you should speak up - enforce your rules, and definitely ask them to clean up after themselves, so you're not stuck with their mess.

[Anonymous]

Can you tell you rented the house out for when you are on vacation?

[Anonymous]

Tell them you're fumigating.

[Anonymous]

totally need to make up a white lie...

[Anonymous]

Plumbing problems. Expensive ones. You don't feel comfortable not being there and possibly sticking them with a big emergency repair bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plumbing problems. Expensive ones. You don't feel comfortable not being there and possibly sticking them with a big emergency repair bill.

Or AC problems. Might scare them off in the heat.

[Anonymous]

The truth, and stick to it for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I agree with pp ^^^. The truth works just fine here. Tell them that you normally love for them to stay with you, but that you'll be coming home from a trip on Sunday and that you need to house to be in a certain condition to get through the week. With only a few hours to unpack and detox from the travel, you won't be able to get ready for work and also take care of the inevitable wear and tear that comes with having guests. Then tell them that you'd love to have them some other time, but that this one visit doesn't work.

[Anonymous]

I agree--tell them you are getting the AC serviced. And, say with a smile: "Sorry, it didn't work out this time."

Assuming you put them occasionally, it is not your job to give them a place to stay every time, especially when you are out of town.

[Anonymous]

Do not offer any white lie or excuse. Why? Because they'll counter it.

A/C broken:"No problem. We love the heat."
House getting fumigated: "Oh that won't bother us. We love chemicals."
Need the house to be clean to start the week: "We promise we'll be neat as a pin."

Instead, say "It's just not going to work for us." This is one of those times where the less you say, the better. There is no counter response. Just keep repeating, "It's just not going to work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not offer any white lie or excuse. Why? Because they'll counter it.

A/C broken:"No problem. We love the heat."
House getting fumigated: "Oh that won't bother us. We love chemicals."
Need the house to be clean to start the week: "We promise we'll be neat as a pin."

Instead, say "It's just not going to work for us." This is one of those times where the less you say, the better. There is no counter response. Just keep repeating, "It's just not going to work."

OP here. Do you KNOW my family?? You are exactly right about the countering! Plus I think I should at least be considerate enough to tell them in advance so they can make other arrangements, and if I needed fumigation or AC repair that would be something that came up last minute. I guess I need to just say no but they're going to think I'm such a bitch.

But most importantly I'm so glad nobody (so far) has said I have to suck it up and let them stay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not offer any white lie or excuse. Why? Because they'll counter it.

A/C broken:"No problem. We love the heat."
House getting fumigated: "Oh that won't bother us. We love chemicals."
Need the house to be clean to start the week: "We promise we'll be neat as a pin."

Instead, say "It's just not going to work for us." This is one of those times where the less you say, the better. There is no counter response. Just keep repeating, "It's just not going to work."

OP here. Do you KNOW my family?? You are exactly right about the countering! Plus I think I should at least be considerate enough to tell them in advance so they can make other arrangements, and if I needed fumigation or AC repair that would be something that came up last minute. I guess I need to just say no but they're going to think I'm such a bitch.

But most importantly I'm so glad nobody (so far) has said I have to suck it up and let them stay!

If you already know how they'll respond, why are you asking us?