adults who live off their parents' money secretly annoy me (and i don't understand them)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not so sure that people who inherit or are gifted these large sums of money are lucky. One of the best feelings of my life was when my husband and I bought our home on our own with money we worked hard for. There's nothing like earning your own success.

We don't accept gifts from family, but I don't think I'd feel the way you do about "success" in paying our own way. We have earned the money for our home, our kids schooling, and a nice life style. I've never thought of those as indicators of success, though. Sure we've worked hard, but lots of people do. We chose to spend a fair amount of our time in high paying jobs, that's all. The jobs in which I have felt the most "successful" have also been those in which I was paid the least. If I can help my kids to do whatever they want with their careers, I'd love to be able to provide them with enough money not to have to worry about their compensation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not so sure that people who inherit or are gifted these large sums of money are lucky. One of the best feelings of my life was when my husband and I bought our home on our own with money we worked hard for. There's nothing like earning your own success.

What do you suggest beneficiaries do? Turn the money down? I inherited a large sum and I'm extremely grateful. My husband and I both work, also. So who are you to judge?

DH and I have been extremely fortunate and that is exactly what we plan to do, should we receive any inheritances. We simply don't need it. When I was in school I came to the same conclusion. I could do it on my own and rejected my parents help in the final year (which they could at the time afford). I worked some, paid out of savings for some and took loans (and it really does give me pride to know that I did it part of it myself). Had I realized it sooner I would have done so sooner. It was also the last time that my parents were able to exert any control over my life, and frankly when I started to really succeed.

[Anonymous]

It is nice to hear about pride and humility on here, for once Some have NO idea, 'tis indeed a shame for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not so sure that people who inherit or are gifted these large sums of money are lucky. One of the best feelings of my life was when my husband and I bought our home on our own with money we worked hard for. There's nothing like earning your own success.

What do you suggest beneficiaries do? Turn the money down? I inherited a large sum and I'm extremely grateful. My husband and I both work, also. So who are you to judge?

DH and I have been extremely fortunate and that is exactly what we plan to do, should we receive any inheritances. We simply don't need it. When I was in school I came to the same conclusion. I could do it on my own and rejected my parents help in the final year (which they could at the time afford). I worked some, paid out of savings for some and took loans (and it really does give me pride to know that I did it part of it myself). Had I realized it sooner I would have done so sooner. It was also the last time that my parents were able to exert any control over my life, and frankly when I started to really succeed.

That's just stupid. What if you suffer a catastrophe of some kind? Why wouldn't you do all you can to give your kids a financial cushion in case something happens to you or your money? You seem to be blinded by pride.

[Anonymous]

quote=Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

we are quite capable of saving for our children's college educations and take pride in doing so and our parents (while exceedingly generous in offering) do not have limitless financial resources. We feel that deserve to spend their money on themselves in retirement if we are able and capable of providing for ourselves and saving for our children.

OP, you sound more and more ridiculous with every post. Your in laws' money is theirs to spend. You're a SAHM, so when you talk about providing for your own children financially, you're talking about your husband providing for them, no? To deny your children money for college or trips with their grandparents is ridiculous. It seems YOU have a rift with your in laws and are using this fake high horse as a reason to not be dependent on them. And your kids lose.

why are you so hostile and assume the worst? I've been a SAHM since earlier this year (the birth of my third child). Prior to that I worked for close to 15 years as an attorney. Our parents (both sides) are extremely generous and would give us the shirts off their backs. But while they have offered help, we don't need it. We have a decent HHI--we have NO problem saving for college, etc. When I was working we were able to save my entire salary for the last 6-7 years I worked. Neither my inlaws or my parents ever made 25% of our income and they have NO idea what our income is (was). We send our kids to public school (by choice). They think, "hmm, must be because of money. We'll pay!" We say "no, thank you." They offer "well, how about college savings?" We decline because we know it's not an insignificant amount of money to them. We live a MUCH nicer lifestyle than either my parents or my in laws. It just seems wrong to me to say, "okay, I know you clip coupons and I shop at Whole Foods and have plenty of resources to save for college, but yes, please give me your money as well. I'd hate to have my kids lose out on it". Not every parent who offers $$ does so because they have unlimited funds! My parents would give until it hurt.

Maybe give me a little credit for making a decision before jumping to the conclusion that I'm a moron for turning down money when you know nothing about the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

You're not a moron for turning the money down, but you are a moron for standing in judgement when you/your husband did the exact same thing you're complaining about.

Yes, yes, you've explained that you didn't want him to and that it's caused problems, but would you like people to judge you for marrying someone whose philosophies so clearly don't match your own?

[Anonymous]

The only thing that would bother me about this is if these people turned around and pissed on people on welfare/food stamps/other supplemental programs, or bragged about how they did it all themselves or how independent they are, or raised their children to do the same. Otherwise I have no problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing that would bother me about this is if these people turned around and pissed on people on welfare/food stamps/other supplemental programs, or bragged about how they did it all themselves or how independent they are, or raised their children to do the same. Otherwise I have no problems.

People with money are the ones criticising those who are poor and receive welfare. Welfare is not really a handout.
It was created because slavery was ended and the government still wanted there to be cheap labor. The minimum wage cannot cover living expenses for the poor so that is why there is subsidized housing and medicare etc, so that those who have money can cheaply employ their cooks, nannies, day laborers, Walmart chechout personnel etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing that would bother me about this is if these people turned around and pissed on people on welfare/food stamps/other supplemental programs, or bragged about how they did it all themselves or how independent they are, or raised their children to do the same. Otherwise I have no problems.

People with money are the ones criticising those who are poor and receive welfare. Welfare is not really a handout.
It was created because slavery was ended and the government still wanted there to be cheap labor. The minimum wage cannot cover living expenses for the poor so that is why there is subsidized housing and medicare etc, so that those who have money can cheaply employ their cooks, nannies, day laborers, Walmart chechout personnel etc

I love how you say this with such authority. "Welfare was created because blah, blah, blah.". What a riot!

[Anonymous]

OP, if it helps, remind yourself that financial gifts/support usually comes with strings attached. Sure, more money definitely would make life easier, but I'm glad no one feels like they have a say in our lives because they're doing x, y, or z for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have zero problem with this. Zero. And it's not like it is my life.

Tr families you cited all have at least one salary earner-- so it is not like they are just sitting in their bums doing nothing.

If I had this kind of money, and my kid wasn't a bum, I would have zero problem sharing my wealth with my son and his family.

Totally agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? My kids live in a $750,000 house that both of their parents worked their asses off to provide. To me, that's the bomb, not worrying about how other people are financially supported. MYOB and you'll be much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:quote=Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP:

we are quite capable of saving for our children's college educations and take pride in doing so and our parents (while exceedingly generous in offering) do not have limitless financial resources. We feel that deserve to spend their money on themselves in retirement if we are able and capable of providing for ourselves and saving for our children.

OP, you sound more and more ridiculous with every post. Your in laws' money is theirs to spend. You're a SAHM, so when you talk about providing for your own children financially, you're talking about your husband providing for them, no? To deny your children money for college or trips with their grandparents is ridiculous. It seems YOU have a rift with your in laws and are using this fake high horse as a reason to not be dependent on them. And your kids lose.

why are you so hostile and assume the worst? I've been a SAHM since earlier this year (the birth of my third child). Prior to that I worked for close to 15 years as an attorney. Our parents (both sides) are extremely generous and would give us the shirts off their backs. But while they have offered help, we don't need it. We have a decent HHI--we have NO problem saving for college, etc. When I was working we were able to save my entire salary for the last 6-7 years I worked. Neither my inlaws or my parents ever made 25% of our income and they have NO idea what our income is (was). We send our kids to public school (by choice). They think, "hmm, must be because of money. We'll pay!" We say "no, thank you." They offer "well, how about college savings?" We decline because we know it's not an insignificant amount of money to them. We live a MUCH nicer lifestyle than either my parents or my in laws. It just seems wrong to me to say, "okay, I know you clip coupons and I shop at Whole Foods and have plenty of resources to save for college, but yes, please give me your money as well. I'd hate to have my kids lose out on it". Not every parent who offers $$ does so because they have unlimited funds! My parents would give until it hurt.

Maybe give me a little credit for making a decision before jumping to the conclusion that I'm a moron for turning down money when you know nothing about the circumstances.

but your parents paid law school tuition? and you live in a house paid for partially by $100k given by your husband's parents? good thing you're not practicing law anymore, because your logic is hugely flawed.
like others have said, as long as the adult children are grateful, and are productive members of society, what exactly is your issue? and why do you judge your supposed friends, listing their incomes and children's clothing breakdowns on a public site? you really are awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not so sure that people who inherit or are gifted these large sums of money are lucky. One of the best feelings of my life was when my husband and I bought our home on our own with money we worked hard for. There's nothing like earning your own success.

We don't accept gifts from family, but I don't think I'd feel the way you do about "success" in paying our own way. We have earned the money for our home, our kids schooling, and a nice life style. I've never thought of those as indicators of success, though. Sure we've worked hard, but lots of people do. We chose to spend a fair amount of our time in high paying jobs, that's all. The jobs in which I have felt the most "successful" have also been those in which I was paid the least. If I can help my kids to do whatever they want with their careers, I'd love to be able to provide them with enough money not to have to worry about their compensation.

Sure, but when you grow up in poverty, making money seems pretty important. Earning our way out of generational poverty makes us feel successful. Not going to apologize for that. I would love to not have to worry about compensation but we have no safety net other than the one we create for ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? My kids live in a $750,000 house that both of their parents worked their asses off to provide. To me, that's the bomb, not worrying about how other people are financially supported. MYOB and you'll be much happier.

You can take the person out of the trailer park but not the trailer park out of the person.