adults who live off their parents' money secretly annoy me (and i don't understand them)

[Anonymous]

have you run into this phenomenon in DC? I seem to and it secretly annoys me.

I know, I know, it's none of my business. I should keep my eyes on my own life and own financials. Yes, I agree. But this is an anonymous forum and so I'm venting. It annoys me. In some ways I'm jealous because we have what we have because we diligently saved for 10 years to be able to afford our house. YES!, I'm being snarky. but good grief, it gets to me.

family 1: husband is in a fellowship, making 40k. 3 kids. Grandparents pay for 1.5 million dollar home. 2 kids in private school. 40K car. All sort of extra curriculars. Frequent flights across country. Frequent (weekly) expensive dinners out. Weekly housekeeper. Weekly daytime babysitting. Husband's family bankrolls it all. Wife comes from middle class background but has never worked.

family 2: husband makes 100K as an attorney. Wife has worked for a few years but now SAH. 3 kids. 1.6 million dollar home. Monthly flights across country for 5. Kids in all Boden. Constant shopping. 40K new minivan. 10K dining room table. 50K for a decorator and new living room furniture. Grandparents fund it all.

family 3. Husband makes a decent (250k) salary. Wife has never worked. 2 kids. Just traded up from a 700K house to a 1.8 million dollar house. All sort of household help. etc. Expensive vacations. Admits it is all grandparent money.


again, I know it's snarky and I'm sure they pay the emotional price to be bankrolled by family like this. But it sort of makes me crazy. Mostly jealous but on the other hand, not at all. I take satisfaction in getting where we are by our own work (with lots of early help in the form of tuition from parents). Yes, I'm blessed to have the parents I do have. I can't really imagine having someone else fund my entire life at age 35 or 40. How are people okay with doing this? Do they not feel like imposters? I kind of don't understand it at all.

thank you for letting me vent. I feel better.

[Anonymous]

I have zero problem with this. Zero. And it's not like it is my life.

Tr families you cited all have at least one salary earner-- so it is not like they are just sitting in their bums doing nothing.

If I had this kind of money, and my kid wasn't a bum, I would have zero problem sharing my wealth with my son and his family.

[Anonymous]

It's great that they have generous grandparents so that they can live comfortable lives and pursue the work they want to do, not just the work that brings the best paycheck.

They're also really lucky to still have grandparents. That's what I would envy.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it is a tad extreme you know THREE families who are funded this way, but you need to decide how much you care. Are they great people? Are they kind? Are they generous? If the answer is yes, than be happy for them. If the answer is NO, than find new friends who are not so funded.

I get it, it is easy to get caught up in jealousy and enviousness, especially with trips and houses and what not...but trust me, they have their issues.

Enjoy your own life...

[Anonymous]

My parents help us out with our kids' education expenses (and yes, that means private school). I do not pay any type of "emotional price", other than being immensely grateful. Then again, that is hardly our "entire life" like the examples you have above. It sounds like all of the grandparents in those examples have a lot of money, and this is how they want to spend it. Fine to be jealous, but I wouldn't assume that there is some deep emotional price to pay. People spend money in ways that make them happy, and some people are happy to spend money on those they love.

[Anonymous]

If I could afford it, I would treat my children/grandchildren this way. As long as they're being productive on their own, why not?

[Anonymous]

I have no problem with this - wish it was me. I do have a problem with how much attention you seem to pay to what these people do. How do you know how much money they make, how much their homes are worth and how much they spend on various things? I'm pretty creeped out by that. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

My SIL basically relies on my MIL for almost everything. Mortgage, stuff for kids, etc. etc. On the one hand, it can be frustrating to see grown adults get so much help. On the other, I just remind myself that at least we are self sufficient and don't NEED the help. It grates when the grandkids do stuff and SIL's kids get paid for by MIL and the rest of us have to pay for our own kids, but again, I just try to remind myself it's much better to have to pay because you're ABLE than to have to rely on your mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Yes I don't think it's good to live that way but I don't really have a problem with people making those choices. Maybe it works for them. If it doesn't really, they're the ones who are suffering.

My parents were subsidized by family money and I don't think my mom ever really felt secure and she also tried to use money to control her children. I'm glad I don't have to live with that kind of uneasyness.

[Anonymous]

We work our asses off and yes, my dad helped us buy our expensive house. DH regularly works all day and all night. It just isn't enough to live well in this area and live in a place where the schools are good. We don't take other handouts except for the 100 bucks my dad slips me here and there. We have old used cars, never buy new clothes, and go on inexpensive vacations. Sorry if it bothers you but that's our reality.

[Anonymous]

I would love for my mom to help us out financially, but she doesn't. Oh well. I will do differently.

I do have friends who rely on their parents to pay foe the little ones' tuition, but they do worry sometimes what they will do should the GPs not be able to afford it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Just let it go OP. Venting is normal and healthy, but if you are jealous which you say you are, you need to focus on getting rid of that - jealously is such baggage - you don't need it!

The examples you posted do sound extreme. My parents are helping build our kids' college funds, which I think is awesome and we wouldn't be able to do it on our own. We both work, and work hard, and we otherwise live a pretty modest lifestyle. Small, old house, one car, and the only vacations we take are to stay with family. I feel very lucky that my parents are able to help a bit with college funding, which we couldn't afford to save for if we also wanted to have any emergency savings and some retirement. The way they see it, they are retired, have money, and this is partly how they want to spend it.

That said, in my hometown, many of my friends live in near million dollar homes their parents bought them - their starter home. I also don't get it, but it's not my life and I wouldn't say I'm jealous. On the contrary I'm proud I got away and making it my own in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

How the hell do you know so much about these people? I know nothing about how my friends fund their lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

I wish I had parents who could help me in this kind of way... and if I have this kind of money in the future I would LOVE to help my child (ren) too... I would just give them some kind of allowance AND I would also open some kind of saving account for the grandkids without the parents knowing (or the kids).

[Anonymous]

Don't compare yourself to others. Ignorance is bliss in this case. As you said you are blessed. Be happy in the life you have. You don't know what is really going on next door.